Hello to everyone I am new here and am hoping someone here can help me with my worries my dear daughter who is 45 has been diagnosed with an agressive form of breast cancer and has a grade 3 type she is very scared and worried I always act very positive in front of her but when on my own especially at night everything seems hopeless even though people say she will eventually get over this dreadful disease have you been through the same thing so I can reassure her all will be well after her treatment …
Dear lilian
Welcome to the forum. I am sure you will soon get lots of support from other forum members.
Please think about phoning our Helpline as well. They can offer information and support to anyone affected by breast cancer. They are open 9-5 on weekdays and 9-2 on Saturdays. The number is 0808 800 6000. All calls are free and confidential.
Very best wishes
Janet
BCC Facilitator
Hi Lillian42,
So sorry to hear about your daughter. It’s such an terrible shock for her, for you - for everyone close to her.
I was also diagnosed with a grade 3 breast cancer. Every hospital is different but my surgeon and breast care nurse at UCHL in Euston, London did not really dwell on the fact that it was grade 3. I am now 31 - was 30 when diagnosed and I think it is quite common in young women to have a grade 3 tumour. The grade relates to how fast it grows - not necessarily how ‘bad’ it is. The younger one is the faster one’s cells divide so it is not surprising that it a grade 3 tumour if she is 45 - still young anyway but young in breast cancer terms too I believe.
It’s very early days as she has just got her diagnosis so I guess you don’t know many details about her particular diagnosis and what her treatment plan will be. Once this initial stage has passed and you guys know where you are and what to expect it will probably feel much easier. That is my experience anyway. I am now over halfway through my chemotherapy and managing very well. It has been tough and there have been ups and downs but I promise you I am fine and have no reason to believe I wont walk away from this with my health in tact. This of course is my particular experience but it is the case for many of us I wanted to tell you that it is possible!! You have come to the right place - this forum has been a real life line for me. So supportive and informative - a wonderful resource. Everyone on here either has BC, has had BC or is very close to someone who has had it so you are with kindred spirits. Keep posting and wishing you and your daughter the very best! X
Thank you cannolwings for your support I appreciate this knowing other people are going through the same … she will be having her breast removed in a couple of weeks and next week a body scan to check there are no more tumours anywhere else before the op Im pleased to hear you are doing well on the chemo you are very young but the nurse did say that being youngish she will be strong enough to cope with the treatment lets hope so unfortunately she lost her poor Dad to cancer a couple of years ago he had Bile duct cancer where they couldnt operate on him which has made her more fearful I suppose I will keep you updated cannolwings X
Hi Lillian
I was 47 when diagnosed with grade 3 tumour in January this year. I had WLE and have had chemo and radiotherapy finished 6th Sept. I am back at work and feeling really well. It is hard when first being told but once your daughter has her treatment plan in place she will find it easier it is just such a roller coaster. I also lost my Dad to cancer 2 years ago he had throat cancer and was terminal from when they found it in the January and gave him 6 months he hung on for 4 and died in the April. So when I was told I had cancer I thought it was the end but it isn’t and it is very treatable.
Good luck to both you and your daughter for the coming weeks when everything will be a bit of a blur but just keep coming on this site it really helped me through
Jill
Thank you Jill I am so relieved to have found this site and also to hear that you are back at work after having your treatment it gives me so much hope for my dear daughter that it is treatable and you are now well again that is wonderful to hear she will have her op on the 13 Oct the sooner the better to get rid of this vile disease she will also have a body scan next week to check it hasnt travelled anywhere else in the body another hurdle to get over we are giving her all the love and support during these tough days ahead Im sorry you lost your Dad Im sure he was a good man like my husband and a great father I will post and update later thank you once again Jill…
Hi lilain,came across your posting and had to write.Iam 49 and half way through my treatment.My mum has been my rock,she is always positive and i cannot tell you how comforting this is to me.She will find you a god send.Good luck with everything.Heather x
Thank you Heather for replying I wish you all the best with your treatments thankfully you have a very supportive Mum I am doing my best to be as positive as I can for her she is so scared about it all I am too although I never show it but some days its so hard on Monday she will be in the hospital all day having scans I just pray the cancer hasnt spread anywhere else will let you know how she is doing in the next few weeks I appreciate so much all the support given X
From one Lilian to another
Hi…Hello…You have DEFINITELY found the right place to come for advice, help, humour and the odd moan. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, and its fantastic that she is getting so much support from you.
I am 53, and have had 2 of my 8 sessions of Chemo. I feel positive that this can be overcome, and Im sure your daughter is going to feel the same. Its always worse not knowing whats ahead, but once the treatment starts, everyone seems to lose their fear, and just deal with it all really bravely.
YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOING TO BE FINE !!!
Good luck for the next few months
big hugs
Lil xxx
dear lilian
sounds like your daughter and i are in the same boat - i am 45 and have grade 3 breast cancer. mine has spread to my lymph nodes but no further, the scan showed. i hope her scan is clear too.
i’ll have surgery on friday and then start chemo etc. all a bit nasty but very treatable. the docs keep saying how in th future i’ll have to make sure to wear gardening gloves and to be very careful with my left arms because i won’t have lymph nodes, must alwas use antiseptic cream on cuts and get antibiotics sooner rather than later. so the fact that they’re talking about gardening in the future and worrying about minor cuts and scratches is really reassuring.
my mother died (of BC) about 20 years ago so i envy your daughter having you around, you sound like you’ll be a wonderful support. i have very close friends but at a time like this a mum would be great.
good luck, keep us posted xxxx
Hi Lilian I too have grade 3 BC had lots of test to see if it had spread lucky it hadnt. I had a lumpectomy and start my chemo 12th oct then radio I have my good days and bad days as my mind is filled with allsorts ov things. They call my mam Lilian and she is there for me as my husband works away on the rigs a lot. Tell your daughter I send her a hug and I know what she is going through and this site is a god send. Let me know how she gets on and we are lucky to have such great mothers like you take care xxxxxx
Lilian, what a lovely, caring mother u are. U must be so worried about your daughter but u will be such a help to her. Im 49 with, im told, an aggressive, grade 3 cancer as well but the drs keep telling me im young & with treatment they said they’d be looking to me still being here in 30 to 40 years which was very reassuring. Its not always the automatic death sentence u first think it may be. We do all go through the same thoughts though.As the others said when your’e under 50 its usually classed as aggresssive & often grade 3 as our hormones are still very much alive & kicking. I’ve had my ops & have now started chemo which while not nice,has not been as bad as i imagined it to be in my head.
Would your daughter think about joining this site as well, there’s such a wealth of information on here as well as the helpline.
Hope all goes well with the scans & pls keep posting if u need to know anything. As we always say on here, there is NO such thing as a silly question,take care x
Hi Lillian,
I wanted to let you know how things have been for me.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel !!!
I was diagnosed in July 2007 with Grade 3 tumour, micro in one lymph node. I ate really healthily before and after diagnosis, juiced both fruit and veg twice a day. I went to Cherry Lodge Cancer care centre in Barnet for therapies and support.( If you have a centre near you it might be useful for you / or your daughterto go for info/ alternative therapies, massage, healing, acupuncture reflexology etc) I had 8 lots of chemo, not nice but do-able. Following that I had my lumpectomy operation, then full lymph node clearence, then Radiotherapy. Now I am on Tamoxifen for 5 years. Overall it took about a year. I went back to work prob a little too soon, and then sadly my mum who had serious dementia from age 52 was ill and I left my job and looked after her till she passed away. I stayed at home for a while then I applied for a new job and got it. I love my new job and I think that other than the hot sweats caused by tamoxifen and weight gain I am back to the old me. It is always in the very back of my mind, it will return but I will not worry about something I have no control over. I Know that it is very scary, the worries and the tears for you your daughter and other family and friends, remember that day or night there is always someone on this site to support you all and offer advice or reassurance that something is ok. You are not alone, always ask, no question is silly, honestly. Thats what kept me going, I hope that once you know the treatment plan and your daughter knows what’s happening abit more, you can both feel a little bit more in control and positive about the outcome.
Ask anything you want,
Sending Love and strength to you and your daughter
Take care
Dawn XX
Luckylil you have raised my spirits no end with your encouragement thanks so much this is a great site as you say I think once treatments start she will feel loads better she is so nervous poor thing but I guess that is normal she gets her scan results next wednesday so hopefully they will show clear her hubby will not let her think negative he has been a godsend making sure she is always positive like I try to do thanks again luckylil will update when we know good luck with your treatment too xxx
Hi mrs doubt and hjv thanks so much for your wonderful support I appreciate it so much unfortunately my daughter wont join the site as she is feeling so nervous about it all but I do tell her that there are lots of inspiring people here who are going through the same thing so thats why I have joined on her behalf I wish I could stop her fear I keep talking about next year when the treatment is over her hubby has promised her a luxury holiday with the family she has 2 small children 11 and 8 and she wants nothing to change for them as much normality as possible shes a brill mum like a lot of you here on the site I always tell her once she gets her treatment she will start to feel a whole lot better Good luck to you both and thanks for your support it means so much will keep posting xxxx
Hi Lilian
I do hope your daughter feels strong enough to join up - maybe in a couple of weeks she might feel able - I didn’t feel able to look at anything online at all until about 3 weeks after my initial consultation where I was told I probably had IBC (it turned out to be invasive ductal). Now no-one can stop me on here! It is the best thing knowing there are other women out there of a similar age, with kids (nmine are 12 and 14), etc etc facing the same things that I am. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck with coping during this horrible time.
T x
Hi Keepthefaith I am so grateful that you and others here have taken the time and the trouble to respond when you are all going through the same thing as my daughter its so appreciated some of my daughters friends have been so supportive she is really touched by their kindness Im afraid she refuses to join here she isnt ready I suppose she doesnt even bother with facebook so I tell her how inspiring this site is as you are all going through the same thing I think she might join when she is feeling braver about everything as at the moment she is very fearful and I have to keep reminding her that the drugs used today are so much better than before we have to keep positive even though we dont always feel it some days wishing you all the best with your treatment you have my support too Keepthefaith xxxx
hi, just to say I was 45 when diagnosed with Grade 3, and am now 53 and doing fine!
I actually managed to keep working during treatment, which helped to keep my mind from dwelling on cancer, so do encourage her to keep up normal activities. It is difficult initially becuase of the huge shock, but it does become easier as time passes.
all the best
Sarah
Hi SarahAL thank you for your comment its great to hear that you are now doing well and back at work unfortunately my daughter wont be able to return to work while having treatment she works in retail and will be wearing hats/wigs when her hair disappears but she will still go out and not stay at home like an invalid I want her to carry on as much as possible and thats what she wants for her children as much normality as possible … she is very nervous about the treatment but Im sure she will feel better when it starts she has her op next thursday then chemo at a later date …I will update next week thanks again xxx
glad you are posting Lillian42!x