Hello,
Have been diagnosed with DCIS Tueday 6h Sept and have to have the the node/blue dye thing. I have been advised to have a mastectomy as there is rather alot of my right breast involved.The hospital weren’t able to give me any dates apart from “within 31 days” so I am in complete limbo.
What I am finding really irritating is the number of people who are “sorry”, it’s driving me nuts. I am still the same person with or without breast,I have a loving supportive husband and great kids.As far as I can see nothing has changed- that is until I get the next stage of diagnosis/treatment and even then surely we just deal with what’s said?? Yes we’ve all cried, talked and laughed.
Am I in denial, am I taking the ostrich approach??
Hello 1234,
I would love to say ‘sorry’ that you’ve joined us on here, but that may just put fuel on the fire so to speak.
Glad you have found us here, it can be a great source of info and support to laugh, cry, rant, vent etc.
Denial/ostrich approach, there will be a wealth of different emotions which will surface and no-one can say how you will react or feel daily, it can be a bit of a white knuckle ride in the beginning - people sometimes say ‘sorry’ because they don’t know what else to say and may not want to upset you etc.
I’ve had a mx and was surprisingly calm throughout each bit of news that came through (have lost it on my own in a few darker moments though) - deal with whatever happens when it happens was the stance I adopted, not on purpose, that’s just my nature.
It is good to have the support of your family too, and when things get hairy, there is always this site for info, support, tips and just general sharing with others who are going through, have been through or are about to go through what you’re going through.
Hope you get your date through soon, so that you can get your head around it and plan your next phase of treatment and recovery.
Best wishes and good luck
Bev x
nothing wrong with denial, I was pleased to see that this is now considered to be a way of dealing better with the impact of stressful events
it allows time to adjust
Mole
Hi 1234, Think we come from a similar mould.I’ve just been getting on with things. I went to get my results this morning following my WLE and was told that they couldn’t find clear margins so I now need to have a mastectom followed by chemo. My surgeon kept apologising as did the BC nurse. I’m pretty upbeat about things and am just trying to carry on as normal. There is so much going on that I don’t think the last few weeks have really sunk in or I am probably in denial.
Hope you get your date through so that you can start to plan things
Lizzyx
As Mole says, nothing wrong with denial, in fact it is evidently one of the more ‘helpful’ responses in terms of coping strategies so there you go. The truth is there is no such thing as the ‘right’ reaction whatever reaction you have is right for you. In my work life I see all kinds of reactions to bad news, and they are all perfectly normal and natural, just that some lend themselves more usefully to coping strategies than others. The order of the Ostrich is a noble one, or so I’m told. 
You’re also allowed to be driven nuts by anyone’s responses. You are still you - hang on to that with both hands - and you will get through this.
Take care
doesn’t sound like denial to me - sounds pragmatic. I just wanted to know what was happening, and get on with it. Limbo-land was the hardest place… Supportive family and friends make a huge difference, and you will have a range of feelings over the next few weeks/months - all of which are “normal” (including being grumpy at people’s reactions - there’s a great thread about that - “well meaning (but annoying)things people say”. Having a laugh on here, and a rant on here is also very therapeutic! We’ll get there… Jane
Hi 1234,
In addition to the fantastic support you’ll receive on this site, I couldn’t see anything anyone had said about the dates… If it helps you I’ve been doing a fair bit (ok lots!) of reading about my own situation (I’m both Oestrogen and HER2 positive). According to the editor on a website called canceractive.com and one of the great sources I’ve found any breast surgery is best undertaken in the later part of your menstral cycle, when I read this I had a minor flap and was frantically checking my dates… low and behold my surgery had taken place in the second half of my cycle! This MIGHT be you’ve been told “within 31 days”.
Here’s the link
canceractive.com/cancer-active-page-link.aspx?n=1255
If you are oestrogen positive and you want a good book that’s easy to understand (like me when I first started reading this stuff) I would recommend “Oestrogen: The killer in our midst” full of practical relevant information. Not sure if I’m allowed to make recommendations, but hey here it is anyway!
Take care
Jenna
Hi 1234 I am also new to the forum having received my diagnosis on Monday, we all react differently and I have just got on with things so may also be a bit in denial but all I want to do is talk about it but although I have lots of support from family and friends they struggle with that.
Hence my joining the forum so that I can talk if and when I want, but I do feel better since I received my treatment plan and can plan towards it.
As GIJaneH said this is a great place to rant, laugh or cry on and take things out on rather than on your family and friends!!!
Hope you get your treatment plan soon so that you can work towards it.
Lizzie1977 Sorry to hear your news.
regards
Jean
Hi 1234
The ‘within 31 days’ is possibly your breach date. From diagnosis to starting treatment they have a time limit (NHS guidlines!!) it must be awful not knowing especially if you’re ‘a planner’. I’d speak to your Mac nurse and see if she can find anything out for you.
Take care
LfW
WOW!
Did’t expect complete strangers to come up with such interesting and helpful comments.
Thank you all
I have since had a phonecall from BC nurse and need to ring on Monday to get a date. The surgeon I should be under has been on holiay and is back then so I don’t think it’s to do with which part of my cycle more the “breach” of dates. Thanks for the “hormone” link - I do like to know the ins and outs of everthing.I love the word “pragmatic”, just about sums it up as the people who know me well (and didn’t say sorry !! only “that doesn’t sound too good” or “not quite what to say to that?” know how black/white I see things. I don’t “do” flowery , say it as it is so there is no misunderstandings!!!
Thanks to you all again.
I have never used a forum before hope ive put my comments in the right place!
I was diagnosed 26th Aug grade 3 with lymph involvment. I went thinking I had a small cyst not at all worried and was told I had a 2nd lump with lymph involvement, i had the mammagram, ultrasound and biopsies within the hour and was prepared for the worst. It was a huge shock and it was confirmed 2 days later. I have my pre-op assessment tomorrow and a radical mastectomy on Thurs followed by chemo and radiotherapy. Surreal world at the moment…I am terrifed as to what they will find and if it has spread,this isnt real.
hi, hospice 13,
welcome to the world of internet support and cyber hugs. None of us want to be here but at least everybody knows what you are going through and can hold your hand every step of the way.
You must have found this forum through gooling, so stop that now. half the information is out of date and wrong. Ask any questions on here and someone will have first hand knowledge of the answer.
Or you can ring the helpline, the are very patient and used to tears.
There is a thread called September Mastectomy, I will find it for you and bump it, you should introduce yourself on there and chat to people at the same stage of the journey.
1234–hope you get your date sorted out today.
Thankyou for your comments. I had my pre op today, the staff had documented the wrong boob! that really instilled me with confidence…
I shall use this forum and cease googling!
Oh hospice! I hope they were as horrified as I am to discover that!
The pre op is supposed to be nice and soothing and make you feel it is all being looked at and routine.
Perhaps it will keep them on their toes…
hi 1234
so sorry to hear your news. i know exactly what you mean. i was diagnosed on friday 9th sept. it just all seems a bit surreal at the moment and i am just going to take each step at a time. waiting for an appt to see an oncologist to decide a plan of action. i also wanted to say to all the other ladies that have commented at how supportive i find your comments. it is comforting to know you are not the only one out there. tazziex
Hi Operation tomorrow, I am glad as this is the longest 2+ weeks ever. We are also in the middle of a house sale…stress hasnt been the word! I am very apprehensive this is the begining and I shall never be the same after tomorrow… Im not grieving a breast, but life will change. The impact on my family has been tremendous, thet are loving and supportive I just hope they feel the same in 10 months time, they may hate me or resent me…I can be miserable when I am ill 
Wish I could turn the clock back…
Op for me too tomorrow - Good luck.
I might add they had the wrong boob for me last time, just point it out, they won’t mess things up.
First 1234… you called us “strangers”… well some of us might be a bit strange, but none of us are strangers any more… just new friends…
I had my MX in March and I was very much like you but I dont see it as denial, its just being very sensible… you have a choice, boob or cancer, which one do you want to keep. Fortunatly my boobs were never my pride and joy so having one chopped off was never an issue, in fact sometimes I look at the one that I have left and think it looks odd having it!
Good luck x
I have my date…5th October, pre-op on the 25th Sept. It all sounds ages away. I have to attend another hospital for the node injection radioactive the day before as my hospital is not licenced. I hate all this waiting…
Hello Had op on 15th went well and I was pleasantly surprised, it wasnt as painful as i expected. However the numbness has worn off now and my arm is aching and painful, still doing excercises… Lots and lots of visitors probably too many and still trying to tie up loose ends with house sale. I am having alot of pins and needles in my hand, I presume this is “normal”.