I was diagnosed on 24th april with a 2cm grade three bc.
Whilst everyone has fallen over themselves to help i really dont like it too much! Meeting friends now feels weird like they are trying to make sure they dont mention it or if they do they panic i will get upset!
I am not a tearful person but at the mo i want to wallow and cry but find myself tryhing to be brave to spare others!!
God, did anyone else find this?
Will my friendships ever recover?!
thanks guys.
Hi
I don’t know if this will help but I am a bit older(!) than you and this what I did. I was exactly the same as you - I didn’t want tea and sympathy - I certainly didn’t want to see pity. I told all my friends and family exactly what was going to happen and told them all that if they had any questions to just ask. It was a little awkward at first but now it works great. I’m a bit of a joker anyway with a very weird sense of humour so when I tease a friend and they try to do it back I just say “you can’t do that, I’ve got cancer” A couple were a bit shocked at first but now we are relaxed about it. A friend popped in this morning and over a cup of coffee asked me if I was going to go bald and he knew a good place to get wigs - but it was said in a normal conversation with no embarressment. What I am trying to say is that my relationship with my friends is now stronger - they are helping me through this because I have let them know how to. If your friends have no experience of this they probably don’t know how to act - tell them what you would like - you’ll probably find they will be relieved to be able to talk openly to you. Hope I haven’t gone on too much but, hang in there, they will get used to it - even the crying. Take care, hugs Estelle x
Hi Ladies, I’m a bit like you Estelle, I told my close friends at the beginning, when I’d got MY head round it.They all know I’m ok talking about it, and want them to be as normal as poss with me. All bar one has managed it, she told another friend that she doesn’t know what to say to me. To be honest, I’m over the ‘putting on a brave face’ in order not to 'upset anyone. I’ve told my family and friends that I’m still me, I’m not breast cancer, or chemo or rads, I’M ME and if I can handle all the s**t that I’ve had to, I don’t think it’s asking too much of a friend to be able to pick up the phone and say ‘Hi, hows things.’ Many people have crossed the road rather than talk to me, very upsetting at first but I’m over it now. I know people find it difficult…
Evie, yes your friendships will recover, or maybe most of them. You have to be kind to yourself, first and foremost. Being tearful is par for the course, do use the forums as they provide such great support. Sorry to have gone on. love and hugs, Pat x
I only really talk my BC on this site or with my medical team, you got a lot more sensible replies that way.
I chose this as at times wanted time out from cancer world so told my mates and family I would talk when I was ready and if I wanted too. And on those very rare occassion I do open it its only with my closest girl friends. I have never got into talking with the school mums etc, as this was where my kids could be normal kids.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer 6 months prior to me and my mum had become obsessed and it was all her and her mates would talk about, I found some of the talk quite personal so made my husband promise never to talk about my treatments or surgery and probably thats why I’m very guarded.
If your mates are sticking by you and looking out for you then thats good, my girlfriends washed my hair in hospital and took me out for pre chemo lunches and they would ask how I was doing but never pushed me into talking, they can read me pretty well and they know that if I ever need them I with call them.
I do have my occassions where I wallow, but not so much as in the beginning, your still on very early days, good true friendships will survive, me and my girlfrinds have been thru loads of good and bad together, while i was being treated for BC they had enough of their own issues too.
Take care, Debbie x