Hours ago, I felt OK. Just out of bath and looking at ‘it’. This isn’t vanity. I am terrified it will come back. Nothing and no-one seems to be able to convince me. I know this is irrational, but I can’t shake the fear off. Please don’t tell me about ‘the benefits of brocolli’ or ‘mindfulness tapes’. What I need is a frank conversation about the truth of the impact of BC. How it messes with your head.
Thank you. Sorry for being so blunt.
X
Hi Wonky
None of the usual routes is working so how about booking a lengthy appointment with your/a breast care nurse and having that frank conversation? You won’t be the first who’s experienced this. Mine achieved miracles with me, mostly by email.
Is Africa booked?
I’m a great fan of broccoli. Does that mean I’m getting something right in this bloody aftercare business?
Take care and stop being so hard on yourself xx
Hello, Wonky
I am so sorry to read your post. I am happy to have a frank conversation with you (here or by message) about the impact of BC on me. Which is huge. I have posted elsewhere that it is the first thing I think of, the last thing I think of, and the thing that wakes me up, when I do finally get to sleep, and then I move onto my “painful” (!) side and it all floods back in. I too feel so anxious about it coming back, or spreading. I have used your exact phrase to others, about the messing with your head impact being massive.
Sending hugs and an invitation to have a conversation, no broccoli and no mindfuless 
xx
Darlin Wonks
Your initial message said “Hours ago I felt ok, until . . I started “looking” at it”.
But, perhaps, right now, that’s part of the problem - looking at it? You’re still in very early stages, you’ve had a massive shock to cope with. Perhaps try avoiding looking at it, whilst you give your head/mind more of a chance to get round it and heal from it all, without the visuals, if its upsetting you so much. In a while you may feel happier to look again, and it not be a trigger to upset? At the moment, it’s a constant reminder, which then goes on to fuel your fears of it coming back. Vicious cycle? I think it’s much about “time” and “training” your mind away from it, onto other things.
Don’t know about PTSD.
I’m 13 yrs on. It honestly does start migrating from being your immediate waking thought, to the rear of your head. Becomes a small “seed”, that’s still there, and not in your face/on your mind a lot of the time!
After my 1st mast, I “coped” with “looking” at myself - didn’t like it much, certainly didn’t stare n scrutinise. But “loved” the boob I had left!
2nd mast, I just stopped looking. Avoided it. It helped. Reached a point where I then didn’t mind to look as much, but still didn’t stand, stare and scrutinise for prolonged periods. Just got dressed!
May be worth a try for a while. If you’re not working, you need to keep your mind occupied with something, 'cos right now you’re dwelling on it all.
Hope that may be of some help.
Lots of love x x x
Hi Wonky,
only just seen your post, I’m sorry you were having a tough day, I hope things are a little better today.
I think eventually things will improve but it isn’t going to be a quick process. I don’t have anything useful to add to what has been said, (if I did I’d fix myself!) but didn’t want to ignore your post xx