I was told the cancer was 12mm but they’d take 2-3cm. Really not prepared for scar over 20cm long when dressings removed yesterday
Wish I’d refused AICAP flap as incision scar isn’t bad but beneath it (I think where fat tissue taken from) is horrendous
Feel absolutely sick looking at it
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Hello
I’m sorry you are feeling quite literally so scarred. I think most people feel quite distressed when first looking at surgery wounds they really are quite horrendous!
Please be assured that as they heal their appearance will improve and continue to improve with time. If you want to feel like you are taking positive steps to help the process an additional daily dose of Vitamin C can help the healing process
My underarm scar is now barely visible and my breast scar is not immediately obvious now
I hope you start to feel better soon
AM xxx
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it is a shock when you first see post op, think there’s not one of us who hasn’t yearned for our pre op body, but as adoptedmanc has said you’ll be amazed how your body heals and it does you’ll notice over the weeks I found using aqueous cream and bio oil on scarring worked very well on scarring and there is minimal scarring now. Give yourself time 
Shi xx
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Hi sorry to hear how you feel . I had the same op and was similarly shocked. I joked (when I could ) that I felt like I’d been quartered. However 6 months on the scar is better( not completely) still a bit tender in places. It was probably a bigger op than I thought. However my reconstructed boob has settled more and I have to say the result is very good and I am pleased with it . So hang on in there it does get better over time. I am grateful for what they could do for me .
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Sounds as if you had a horrible shock but it’s early days and scars do fade. if it’s gross to look at now don’t look at it for long. My scars after my breast conservation op in 2003 are now silvery and not a problem
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It was a massive shock Thursday as I had not been prepared for a scar over 20cm long. Know both scars will fade in time.
I have calmed a little but trying not to look at it too much yet as do still feel sick when I do & get over emotional.
Results appt Wednesday needs to be my focus for now, then chemo.
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Dear hiker
I really sympathise with you. I awoke from anaesthetic with both hands covering my breasts or what I had left of my left one, and the whole right one. It was grim. Luckily over time the anger and repulsion I felt changed.
I never got to the stage when I could see them as battle scars - to remind me of my bravery in the cancer battle. I never saw it as a battle, more a biological fight to get rid of abnormal cells that would keep reproducing without stopping unless they were removed.
I was just annoyed I’d got it when I had lived a blameless life, ha ha ha. Only bad people should get cancer of course.
Seagulls
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Know so many have dealt with worse than I’m dealing with
I’m pathetic with how I’ve dealt with it all
Thought I was stronger than this 
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Hello again @hiker50
Please please please don’t beat yourself up.
We’ve all been there, you are being asked to put yourself through so much which you didn’t ask for. It’s not a competition and comparing yourself to others who you think “have it worse” isn’t important.
I’m going to see if I can find the Mountain Lion Story which one of my fellow CC’s often posts a link to: it’s a very accurate analogy of receiving a breast cancer diagnosis and going through treatment
AM xxx
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I hope this link works for you x
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I wasn’t prepared for my lumpectomy scars/changes. Think I was so relieved it wasn’t mastectomy thought lumpectomy would be easy peasy.
3 weeks later, still in bad pain and sad at how mangled my poor boob is 
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Unfortunately cancer doesn’t care if you’re good or bad - I know that from staying in parents accommodation at the hospital to support a friend / a single mum years ago when her 8yr old daughter had cancer. There was a 6wk old baby on the ward with cancer
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@Vibby I think that’s why I’m annoyed with myself for handling it so badly - just lumpectomy not mastectomy.
I’m not having any physical pain but just feel sick looking at it & it feels false / hard & unnatural; hope pain eases for you soon xx
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Hiker50:heart: do not be hard on yourself everyone finds their own way in their own time and you will, do ring the number on here and speak to a nurse or the someone like me option speaking directly can help because it’s another release and part of the healing the waves of emotions that happen during everything none of us can or could prepare for it’s like being on a catamaran and your navigating it from one day to the next, sometimes your resting on the mesh bit in the middle and others your holding on and pulling on resources you never knew you had be kind to yourself because you are amazing Shi xx
I know how you feel !! I berate myself when I’m so much “luckier” than many. Tell myself I should cope better and that I’m fortunate to have good support systems, financial security, no young children etc etc. but in reality don’t feel fortunate just feel bloody awful, scared, fed up, sad, desecrated.
Maybe with time your head catches up with what your body has to go through 
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Dear Midwife
Maybe being a midwife doesn’t help. A little knowledge of hospitals can be a very bad thing.
Seagulls