Aaawwww Lesley, sounds like your family is going through the mill a bit ??? My family are about 100 miles away and my mum finds that hard as she just wants to look after me. In some ways I’m glad they’re not near as they don’t have to see me at my worst but I do miss them and got very down for a couple of days after chemo 2. I then saw them just before chemo 3 and I think that put their minds at rest a little as they said I looked much better than they thought I would. Did your mum have chemo?
Lesley, sorry to hear about your friends. I have found that some people who I’d least expect have really stepped forward and some who I did expect to be there for me haven’t! But as you said we need our best soldiers no place for deserters or slackers who aren’t up to the job! We just have to put our Wonder Woman pants on and get this thing done!
???Lesley I think you should give it a try, it cant hurt to have too many pairs of pants to on!
I speak with my folks every few days and text. I was very clear up front that they would know what I knew as and when I knew it. They seem happy with that and for the most part I’ve been very positive through this only had a slight wobble about day 6-7 after chemo 2 but think that might have been a comedown from all the drugs.
Lesley the friends thing is quite the eye opener isn’t it, I think everyone of us on this journey has been surprised by how as you say some ‘life long’ friends are a bit flaky to say the least and then people who you would never expect to be there every step of the way are and more. I’ve refused to let it hurt me if people want to be flakes that’s up to them, all I know is the kindness and compassion of everyone on these threads is making real life long friendships and special bonds that are true and real and will always be there going forward in life ?
?shi xx
Well when us Oct girls meet up plan is to wonder woman twirl into our seats while having s bit of Samantha wig flinging and a bit of Hong Kong fooey posing on the tablet ????shi xx
We all seem to be having to deal with our friends and families emotions as well as our own at such a difficult time.
And you are right it is surprising sometimes who steps up to support you and who just disappears. I am also lucky to have a few key friends who are there through each step and a cousin who has been amazing.
In regards to my parents neither of them are alive and it has been a mixed emotion of wishing they were still around to being grateful that they didn’t have to see me go through this, but I know I couldn’t cope without my husband, son and step-daughter and all their love and support.
Too right negativity like that is not needed. Just positivity ? x
Well I am glad your oh has proved her wrong, how spiteful can you get and at a time like this too. The only person who should be taking a long hard look in the mirror is that friend Lesley, but then again people do engage gob before brain all too often don’t they. 
Here’s to amazing oh’s ???shi xx
???Lesley you’re so funny! So you won’t be making any makeshift hats out of your knickers then! ???
Sounds like you’re really finding out what your friends think! You’re probably right it is just jealousy. My OH was probably better through my surgery than through chemo but he tries bless him. He’s a real worrier and gets very stressed and then gets migraines! After WLE surgery he was brilliant and checked my wounds (I couldn’t look at first) and was very reassuring. I think maybe because it’s very visible what’s going on. With chemo it’s slightly different because a lot of it is how you feel and I think he struggles to know what to do to help. I’m so glad I found the forum though as it has been my lifeline through this. The main good thing to come out of the bc will be all the strong fabulous ladies I’ve met through this forum. Love to you all ???
???
Hi otter, it’s hard for oh’s as men are taught to be the strong ones, the fixers and they can’t fix this for us and it leaves them feeling a bit useless and not really knowing how or what to do. Don’t worry about the looking at you, it was a bit like that too in our house, I left it a few weeks then asked him to just check something out for me as I wanted his opinion too, I think it helped make him feel useful and included and that got over the ‘looking’ at my new body and appreciating this is me now. Hope that helps you find a way with your oh ??shi xx
I think it is hard on them, I know my mum struggled with how my dad reacted, he didnt want to see her after her MX but he eventually came round.
Men don’t have to go thru as much and I think it scares them, whereas us women are prodded and poked from puberty to the grave by the medical profession!
My OH has Ankolysing Spondylitis and so has to have regular check ups and weekly injections. He was fantastic in my appts, challenging the information etc we were being given and asking the questions I had forgotten about.
As you say men are worried about showing their fear and concern because they are told that they need to be the strong ones
???
Lesley your post made me a little teary My aunt was diagnosed 18 months ago at 61 and my mum and her brothers were all a little shocked because we have a history of the women in our family not surviving BC (but an older generation pre modern drugs). My mum helped nurse her through some of the worst bits and she was given her first NED only a couple of months before my diagnosis so both my mum and my aunt were pretty shocked when they found out about me so soon after and much younger than my aunt.
Since then my mum has been around quite a bit which has been good especially as we were estranged for about 5 years and she missed the birth of my daughter.
As a TN reading other people’s stories I now realise that 44 isn’t very young for us and my heart goes out to all the women younger than me getting that diagnosis so young. Sorry haven’t lightened the mood much this evening but your post really touched me. RXX
But still all ready to put on my Wonder Woman pants and got to have that wip ? so that I am ready to do my twirl ?
Oh otter, are you getting support and help from elsewhere with your oh being in denial? It can be a man thing to do sick their head in the sand, it sounds like he is worried stupid and doesn’t know how to express his feelings and by going into denial thinks everything will go away, have you spoken to your bc nurse or Macmillan specialist to see if there is anything you can do to help him realise how much you need him onboard with you? I wish I was there to give you a hug otter. Shi xx
is there somewhere like this thread for the menfolk to go to talk things thru, or even just to read?? It might be helpful Otter?
xx
Lesley, I had a quick look to see if there was something for them and there is but it isn’t well used so not really much help.
Otter, did you say your daughter was supporting you?
Love and hugs to Everyone! ???
Hi Lesley no don’t worry you didn’t upset me But it has been an emotional evening so was just perfectly primed
The Macmillan site has lots of support areas, it’s difficult for men because this stuff doesn’t come naturally
Wow!! I’ve had my married daughter round, so not picked up emails. There’s certainly been a lot discussed tonight.
Otter my goes out to you, my oh has been so very supportive all the way through, he even gives me my injections. Do you have children who can help you, or does your oh have friends/family he can talk to. Mine doesn’t say a lot to anyone about he’s feeling but will praise me to others. Our hardest obstacle was not telling anyone for the first month of diagnosis as my youngest was doing her gcse’s.
This forum is do important for us to air our thoughts and feelings, you’re not on your own, here’s my hand for you to hold ?.
Like Lesley, I’m 55 with grown up children and my heart goes out to all you younger ladies with young families. It’s a real bugger and we will overcome it, we will climb this mountain and come down the other side stronger, more insightful ladies.
It’s true you find out about friends and family on this journey but we only want true, loyal people surrounding us.
I have my mum alive, 83. She lives locally and we speak daily & she’s still very bossy, having survived cancer twice & mrsa. She likes to make sure I’m resting, as well eating well and my family is helping. She came with me to see the onc as I felt I needed to involve her and I think that helped her, although she doesn’t want to see me losing my hair, so I wear hats around her, she too likes to tell others how well I’m doing. I feel I can only be positive after seeing what she has gone through herself, plus my great grandma was a suffrogette who chained herself to the railings!!
Lesley, I would have loved to see a pic if you in your big knickers ?
Ladies, here’s to team November 2017 and to our friendships
Love & hugs to you all, as I think we need to spread the love tonight
That’s it, I’m done!!
Xxx ??? ?
??
Love you ladies xxx