Now what?!!

Hi everyone {waves}… I had my double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction 4 months ago, finished my chemotherapy 4 weeks ago and started Tamoxifen 2 weeks ago. Throughout it all I have stayed positive and happy, carried on exercising (as much as I could which did decrease as time went on), carried on as normal really. Didn’t really process it all, just kept focussing on the next ‘thing’ (surgery/1st chemo/2nd chemo etc)… And now… I feel like there has been a huge hurricane and I’m standing looking at the devastation it caused. I expected once it was all over to just pick up and carry on from where I left off but I’m starting to realise that it isn’t going to work like that. Urgh. My morale is lower right now than it has been at any point so far and I’m really cross with myself about that as I want to just ‘get back to normal’. I realise this is a common reaction. I’m hoping by writing it down and acknowledging it that I can start to work through it. Where is the feeling of elation that should come with winning this battle?

Hi mummy2dolly
Somewhere on here recently somebody posted a link to an article by a psychologist which explains exactly what you are describing. (I’m sure somebody will come along and remember where it was… I’ll go have a hunt too) By all accounts it’s the perfectly normal reaction to what you’ve been through. A bit like post traumatic stress I guess?

I’m not as far along as you… Mx, reconstruction and now in the early stages of chemo… but already I can imagine that once active treatment stops, that’s when the real coming to terms and recovering really begins. x

Hello mummy2dolly, how you are feeling is completely normal. I had a WLE, 15 sessions of rads and on Anastrozole for 5 years, that all started in Jan 2013, my BC nurse said once you have finished ’ active’ treatment i.e. Rads/ Chemo you may feel as if you’ve been cast adrift with no safety net and therefore start to feel very anxious - that was exactly how I felt. It does get better though, although I do still have the odd wobble especially at anniversary/ mammogram time. Unfortunately I don’t think we ever get back to what we were before, we have to find the ‘new normal’ as a lot of people put it. I’m definitely getting there but it does take time. Best wishes, Pat xx P.S I think this is the article that Mel mentioned

hey, dont be hard on yourself, this seems to be the hardest bit, i had no feeling of whooppe 2 years ago, was just desperate to be at work, and normal. but you have changed and it takes a while. keep posting on here, i found that people just think you must all better and yourself as you look fine. 

dont be in a hurry ad take it one day at a time, hope that helps and doesnt make you feel worse,


oh and tamoxifen does stuff too, i havent suffered but it can affect you. so take bear that in mind