It is hard for anyone who has not been through it to understand and to know what to say. I felt that losing my hair was one of the worst parts of the process, but there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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Speaking to a male ‘friend’ on the phone who hasn’t seen me since diagnosis. I said my hair was growing back but it was short like a buzz cut. He said oh people will think you’re a lesbian. I said so what? And you do realise hair doesn’t define sexuality?. He laughed and said oh I’m just an old dinosaur. So I said you know dinosaurs became extinct don’t you?
What an absolute idiot. He’s made it clear he’d like to be more than friends. Did he think I was going to be impressed by that? He’s got no chance anyway 
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Happy Tuesday to everyone going through treatment at the moment.
Most people say the silliest of things, because they can’t cope with people who are going through any serious illness. So the comments can be silly and misunderstood.
We are all here for each other, with love and understanding. Wishing everyone health and happiness ahead, fingers crossed for each and everyone for a good outcome.
With the love and the biggest hugs
Tili 
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It’s always worth taking these stories with a pinch of salt. I have had both my hips replaced and had straightforward recoveries with both, but there’s no sugar coating the fact you are on crutches for several weeks afterwards. But there’s always someone telling you about their neighbour who was playing tennis 2 days after surgery.
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yes that’s a good one . Frankly TV doesn’t help - you see someone getting shot in one episode and put into a coma or going for cancer treatment then a few episodes down the line they’re back with full heads of hair and no scars or bruises but possibly a walking stick as the only sign that anything has happened xx
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Hello,
I don’t think some people realise what they say, even the expressions on their face
My manager said the other day “am I fit to work,?”apart from the anxiety what do you think, didnt say it though. but not getting the support to be truthful.
I have had a friend say my uncle had cancer 6 times and still alive. treatment has changed so much.
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I have incurable breast cancer. Currently under control thank god. Last week in a group of 4 friends I was explaining about how worried I was about a family member who had been called back urgently after a biopsy. My friend who I had already told said (as I started to speak) oh Clare is worried she’s going to lose the cancer spotlight.
No one commented and I ignored it. Upset doesn’t come close!
Who says things like that?? None of them asked me if I was ok or even texted me later!
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What the actual….??? 
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Wow. Ex friend perhaps?
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I’m so sorry to hear this. None of us want to be in the cancer spotlight.
So insensitive. Upsetting no one called them out on it either.
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Im really upset that nobody called her out. Or checked on me later. Think it was meant to be funny!
Yeah. Hilarious!!
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Some people have an odd sense of humour but I definitely wouldn’t call her a friend after that!
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That is awful - i am sorry. X
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Thats really awful. She might consider it a throw away comment, just a bit if fun to lighten the mood but that’s not a sentence you will forget for a while. It shows to me someone that hasn’t had to fight as hard as you for life.
Don’t let that thought creep too far into your mind. The words are hers not yours or anyone else’s. And don’t feel bad about distancing yourself now. This is your life and everything and everyone in it is only part of it because you want them to be 
Sending you big hugs
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My armchair psychology brain thinks this friend may have spotlight issues and could have been trying to passive aggressively trying to communicate that. 
Never a truer word spoken in jest and all that.
If it was genuine attempt at comedy though, I’d probably advise she doesn’t quit her day job!
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That’s exactly what my husband who knows her well said.
Thanks for the kind comments. It’s just really unsettling to think that people who you thought were supportive are actually thinking this. V upsetting.
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Yes maybe! I can totally see this. The real problem could have been that the spotlight wasn’t on her. I think we can all agree that our advice on that is be careful what you wish for!
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That is appalling @clare2 
… it’s not funny and it’s unkind …. I’d be gobsmacked if that comment was made about me ….. big hugs to you 
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It’s possible your other friends haven’t said anything to you because they were embarrassed or blindsided by her comment or think that you might have forgotten what she said and might feel worse if they bring it up again. It’s possible that they have said something to her about it - I hope so. I would have been cringing . I think she was either trying to take the conversation away from cancer and trying to be funny - some people just can’t deal with it. Or maybe she wanted the spotlight or limelight for herself . Hope you feel better xx
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I too have SBC. I’m thankful for the support I get from close friends but we know people who are far worse off than me with different sorts of cancer. I would never think that feeling concern and compassion for them takes away anything from me.
One friend did comment, not so long ago, that I talk too much about my cancer. At the time the first line of defence had showed signs of not working anymore, the “wonder drug” I was then prescribed didn’t work wonders so I was understandably anxious. Today I’ve got PET scan results to see if the third drug regime is working - mostly good, one questionable bit - and I shan’t be mentioning it unless she asks!
You can bet my friend didn’t even realise that what she’d said was hurtful. People who aren’t in our position just don’t understand what living with incurable cancer is like, but we do. Keep your chin up - hoping your treatment keeps everything stable for as long as possible. X
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