One year ago today.....

On 3rd May 2012 I wandered into the caravan in our local ASDA for a routine mammogram. One year on I have a moonscape where my left breast used to be, no toe nails, hair my daughter refers to as guinea pig hair, black chemical burn marks on my right wrist where chemo leaked and am on 3 weekly herceptin til October. I am waiting for the letter to say my next mammogram is due too, and becoming increasingly anxious about it. As the summer comes, I mourn for strap tops and lower neck lines. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and mourn the way things were.
But there are positives. I lost nearly 2 stone and am keeping it off. I have found an inner strength I didnt know I had. I have met some fabulous people. I am back at work but understand it is not the be-all and end-all so have returned with a life balance. I feel closer to my partner. I enjoy the little things in life much more. I am also grateful to live in a country where medical care, even if not what it could be, is available regardless of income. I know if I lived elsewhere there would not be the money for herceptin, for example.
1 year on, how do I feel? Stoic springs to mind. Determined. Content. Sad. Worried. Anxious. Impatient. Tired. Energised. Scared. Calm. I have all those feelings almost daily. Today feels strange.
BUT at least I have a tomorrow!
Thanks to all who have supported me through this and best wishes to all who are on their way to their first year of Living with BC.

I’d say it sounds as if you’ve done pretty well - congratulations!
And I’m so impressed you’ve lost 2 stone - I think that must be the 2 stone I’ve put on over the last 8 months since DX. I wondered where it had come from…
None of us are ever going to be the same again, physically or psychologically. But, as you say, there are positives to be drawn. I’ve just finished chemo and am thankful for every day of feeling relatively normal. It’s not until that’s taken away from you that you appreciate what a great gift it is.
And we are so, so lucky to live in a country where healthcare is free at the point of delivery.You read about families in America bankrupting themseleves to pay medical bills.
No one knows how much time they’ve got left, cancer or no cancer, but I am coming out of this determined to make the most of every day.
I was told at the beginning by a breast cancer survivor that you have to give it a year of your life, and that seems to be exactly right - well, you’ve done your year, and now every day is taking you further away from it all, and back to your own life and your future.
Happy anniversary - if it’s permissible to say that in the circs - and here’s to the next one!
ps good luck with the mammogram xx

Lovely Posts,
Just on cycle 2 of Fec. Its great to hear from you and all who give us support either when, diagnosed, during, and after treatment for BC. It really is a great lift.
I’m with you on the NHS treatment. I cannot fault the way i have been looked after.
And to all the team here. For two weeks after DX I was in a very scary place until I came here and found I could read posts like this.
Thank you. Sandy xxx (One of the April Awesome Angels).