One year on, did that really happen!

Hello everyone,

Well here I am one year on from diagnosis, what I would like to know is or does anybody else have this feeling of ‘did that all really happen to me or was it someone else?’. I had the full works treatment wise 6 lots of chemo, 3 Fec, 3 Tax, then surgery and although I had a good response to the chemo I went for a full mx, extra insurance, maybe, with 6 nodes taken with one being positive and then 13 lots of rads which I finished early Jan, oh yes finally 5 years of Tamoxifen, wow that give you hot flushes!

Maybe it is an acceptance thing that I am having trouble dealing with? I am now thankfully back to riding my bike, walking my dogs for miles and horse riding so really back to my old self apart from the battle scar and some other niggly things I carry around with me. In the depths of my chemo I was bedridden for pretty much most of it so I am pleased with my general recovery, so their is hope ladies, I never thought I would see the day of walking the fields again let alone anything else so keep on trucking if anybody is reading this while still having treatment.
It’s just that I feel that this nightmare path that was handed to me, happened to somebody else and not me? Anybody else out there who has thought that or has had those kind of feelings or did that chemo really fry my brain! Accepting and moving on, boy I didn’t think it could be so tough. Keep smiling.

Gilly :wink: x

Hi Gilly,
Yes,I know what you mean it does sometimes feel like it has happened to someone else.When I wake up in the morning there is a just a split second when I don’t think about cancer-then it kicks in!
I was diagnosed fifteen months ago and unfortunately my worries carry on,as I have secondaries.
That fifteen months feels like it has been a whirlwind though and I wonder how I’ve managed to get through it.I do think having a positive attitude helps your state of mind though-well it has for me anyway.
You sound like you’ve got the right attitude and are getting on with your life and enjoying the things you like to do.You go girl!
Best wishes.
Alli x

Hi Gilly, I am so glad that I am not the only one that feels as if it must have been someonelse that it happened to.I am 21 months from dx and had chemo,mastectomy and 15 rads. It really does seem a bit unreal at times but just to remind me I have now developed mild lymphoedema so my scar feel tight sometimes and my arm aches. I am now 63 and the side effects of Arimidex and other meds I am on make me feel about 90 with all the aches and pains but I still get a lot of joy from life and hope to go on for many more years.
Keep on trucking( I used to go all over the continent in a lovely Daf super space cab in my previous life).
Marion xx


Last chemo of 7 this week, operation and rads to follow, only 4 months down my road but your message gives me hope to keep on trucking :slight_smile:

I am one year one and due my 9th Hercerptin this week providing onc appointment goes ok tomorrow for the latest heart scan results. Grade three invasive with lymph node involment … HER2 positive… 6 chemo and 3 weeks of radiotheraphy also under my belt which has made my reconstrucion ‘head west’ on the plus side I am with hair… enough to go ‘hatless’ Think sometimes I am living on a different planet and looking into someone elses life… Downside had to get my Yorkie put to sleep today… he was seventeen.

Phew, I thought the chemo had got me! Thanks for all your replies ladies. Sorry to hear about your secondaries Alli it’s plain not fair sometimes, you think surely once is enough, keep strong ole bean.
Marion, your right on the unreal statement because really that is how it is, sorry also to hear about all you little niggly bits I think we have them all but somehow learn to live with them. Hey don’t worry about feeling 90 I’m not even 40 yet and I have felt double my age and a good few occasions!
Glad my message gave you some hope My Experience once you get the chemo out of the way I found it not too bad. I know some people will read my post and think how can losing you boob be not so bad but to me that’s how it had to be in my head, I have a 10 year old son that I have to be here for, so that’s as I posted before why I, and all of us have to keep on trucking. Keep smiling and best wishes

Gilly :wink:

Hi Pollysue,

You must have posted at the same time as me just wanted to say sorry about your dog I had my old Lurcher put to sleep last week he was 16 you get just too attached to those little fella’s and sadly my Greyhound has just been diagnosed with bone cancer so I will going through it all again soon ;-(

Hope the rest of your treatment goes ok and that you have hair again mine grew back on Tax and although it is a different colour and has a pube appearance I am thankful for it!

Gilly xx

Ohh no Gilly & Pollysue, so sad to hear the news about both your dogs. I’ve experienced doggie loss too and it aint nice.

I’m one year since diagnosis and in that year, I too, have been taken apart surgically, as well as mentally and then put back together……firstly with puppy Barney as my ‘after Chemo’ treat and don’t worry I know a dogs not just for Christmas (Believe me this is the most spoilt of dogs) and then with the most fabulous reconstruction. Somewhere in between diagnosis and now, I lost ‘me’, but day by day I find myself coming back again. It’s not always an easy journey but I take one path at a time…with an 8 month, daft as a brush, Labrador bounding along side me!


PS After Chemo my hair is now curly and my pubes are straight…random!

Hi Gilly, I feel just the same and it is 2 1/2 years ago! I also feel like it was somebody else and i am so forgetful and even forget peoples names! Think they call it chemo brain!!

Hi Gilly

4 yrs ago this very day i received my diagnosis !! aged thirty one with a 14 month old baby, i still think god did that really happen to me ! ! Thirty one definitely isnt my favourite number. Today has been a kind of mixed emotions for me thought i would have been ok but it kind of came flooding back various parts of that day 4 years ago, doesnt help that i have my yearly mammogram tomorrow April Fools Day hope there are no bad jokes ahead :smiley: :smiley:

It certainly has been a rollercoaster ride as they say & one which I could have done without but have had to get on with it hasnt always been easy especially the first two years for me, but things seem to be ticking away fine now and hopefully thats the way it will stay.

If someone had told me 4 years ago tonight that I would have been alive and well sitting on the laptop with a glass of wine in hand I could never have believed it, thought that day life was over, such a terrifying experience, so glad to still be here and be around for my now 5 yr old boy

Max x x x

Hi Gilly, seemed to have lost contact somewhere in middle of rads I think. Found rads really tough at end I had 30 I think - chemo brain! Thank goodness treatment all over. I am triple neg so no more treatment but still getting wicked hot flushes throughout the day.

I can only agree with what you have said at start. Did this really happen to me? Have gone back to work after a year. Feels like I have not been away. My two boys 10 an 8 still arguing and I am running around after everyone and juggling work, washing, ironing etc just as if nothing has happened. I dont know wheather I should have changed somehow, am I in denial still or just have moved on?

Max really love your comments I am looking forward to being 4 years past all this

Lynda x

hi its wierd isnt it! Im just over one year past the mark but i really struggled with the year mark and struggle most days but saying that Im back on the booze, out with friends and living life to the full. my body aches, sweat like mad and menopausal after having masectomy but hopefully nuther mast. due but not till later in the year. i get cheesed off that people think im back to normal on the other hand I hear about people starting chemo and I wince and think how can they do all that then I think, shit ive done it, its like you say a different person but on other hand can remember some of those feelings soooo much and like I would never get through it but we do and its encouranging to others to know it can be done xx

HI Ladies,

Thanks for all your comments I thought I was the only one with straight pubes!! They do have a slight kink to them now ;-).

Hi also to lynda I’m glad all your rads went ok, I have not been visiting here for about two months. I needed to try and get on with things, this forum is brilliant, comforting and increadibly sad at times reading everyones stories and circumstances. I needed to sit on the fence for a bit and take stock. Being a bit of a sponge or a bit of an emotional ole bag I felt quite drained at times and I found myself reading posts for hours and then feeling sad for hours after it so a 2 month break has done me some good. I’m back now with a host of silly questions like the one I posted ‘did that really happen’ erhh hello Gilly yes it did! You have to laugh.

Max, it was good to read your story I still find it hard to think to far ahead, I hope the boob squashing experience has not been too bad for you today.

Lisaf did I a read right that you having the other side done but later in the year? I have considered it myself as I was a Lobular lady and I know it can be bi lateral? It’s a toughie. I have just bought a Breast light it’s shines into the breast just like a torch on the back of you hand, glows red and anything dodgy shows up as a dark shadow. You use it along with the other breast awareness things we do or have done to us. So I have a look every couple of weeks, I thought it might help me try and see my other boob as a apart of me to look after and not to get rid of which I have to say crops up in my mind quite often, best wishes everyone.

Gilly xx

hi all i have not posted for a while i am 1 year post diagnosis and i am trying to get my life back to normal the only thing is i no longer trust my body and on an almost daily basis i think that every lump bump pain is the cancer back again what i really want to know dose this ever go away, only at times it seems i can no longer get on with my life.

Hi Polly 53

I am sorry to hear that you are down at the moment. I’ve just had my second 6 monthly check although I’m 19 months on from dx. I don’t expect to get back to normal as it was just a new normal. Some things I have dropped completely and I have taken up new more physically manageable things.

I found talking things through with a breast care nurse really helped and in my area, Cambridge, the local breast unit run a good seminar for women like me. I could also have had counselling at our local cancer centre. Perhaps there is something similar in your area. It is worth it and you are worth it.

love Wizz