One year on

Not really sure what kind of replies I am expecting to this but any would be appreciated. To the outside world I am doing excellent. I was diagnosed on November 5 last year with 4.5 cm grade 3 HER 2+ tumour. Went through chemo, wle surgery and rads and have 3 herceptin left to have. Have had my one year check and mamo and everything was fine.

So my question is why all of a sudden do I feel like I am falling apart. I am back at work full time, part time not an option. Most days now I am bone weary tired, am not sleeping well and everything feels like walking through treacle.

I keep giving myself a good talking to telling myself how lucky I am, that the treatment has worked etc and to get a grip, but I can’t seem to drag myself up. Even husband has started to tell me to get a grip.

I am not expecting anyone to have radical answers but if anyone is feeling the same iy will mean I am not going as mad as I think


Hi Sam - sorry you’re having such a hard time, i’m sure lots of ladies will reply to you with their thoughts and you’ll realise you’re certainly not alone in what you’re saying. For some people its only after active treatment before the full realisation of what they’ve been through hits home. Its very natural and you’re not going bonkers. In terms of help, apart from other ladies thoughts, the BCC Moving Forward pack may be helpful, - you don’t say what age you are, maybe the young womens forum is appropriate. For others counselling is a good move. Could you arrange to meet up with other ladies from the forum - sometimes talking in a relaxed atmosphere over lunch or dinner to women who “get it” is very therapeutic. Hope you get some help and support soon.


Hi Sam,

It is very normal to hold it all together during treatment and then fall apart afterwards, so don’t worry. The following article may reassure you:

Hi Sam, Can I join in Here too?

I was diagnosed nov 2010, and I also have 3 herceptins left to go.
Last week I started back at work, part time,
Ive also had my one-year mammo on 1st dec, the results were i had to have a small biopsy of a solid mass but this has shown to be fat necrosis and I do not need to be seen again for 12 months.

Im so sorry you’re feeling so low, remember what a rollercoaster of a year you’ve had, the only time things are starting to slow down and catch your breath is now; The end of all treatment is in sight, its a massive relief but almost unbelievable, like, what’s gonna happen next to upset the apple cart?

You are still grieving for what your life used to be, and being so tired back at work is a reminder of how different your strength levels are.

Im still having vivid dreams of hospital settings, and I frequently wake up with a pounding heart and the word ‘cancer’ playing on my mind, almost like there’s no switch off valve.

I think its a bit like post-traumatic stress, and alongside the body’s recovery, will come the mind’s recovery too.

I’m surprised that your workplace cannot adjust slightly to enable you to cope better on reduced hours or workload, according to the Equality Act 2010 they have to accommodate changes in helping you, by law, even if it just means extra breaks.

Hope I havent been rambling on a bit too much,

T, xxx

bumping this up for you Sam.


Sam, a year is nothing. I was DX in December 2004 and had the full works of treatment. It took me a good 3 years to feel back to ‘normal’. My energy levels were zero and when I got out of bed I just wanted to crawl back into it again. I was diagnosed with depression but to this day I don’t know if it was that or if it was just the fatigue, the one can cause the other! Doctors don’t really want to know either when you say you’re tired. Didn’t help that chemo threw me into menopause at 51!

I always remember a friend telling me to ‘get a life’ when I told her I couldn’t meet her as I didn’t feel up to it (a 60 mile drive). I was shocked and hurt. Anyone else think that’s cruel?

Sorry, this is horribly negative and I do hope you pick up faster than I did. Mainly I wanted to say that how you feel is totally normal and it will go away, I promise. Be kind to yourself and try and get as much rest as you can.

I was Stage 3, Her 2+ with node involvement. It was 3 years post diagnosis before I felt really well again. I had a horrendous time on Taxotere and was bedridden for the best part of 4 months on it, so it took ages to get my energy back. I also had to work on my sleep routine as I was all over the place.

Oh Sam
So sorry you are feeling like this but guess what… Yes the others are dead right… you are absolutely normal. So many of us felt like that as well, expect to feel a bit better soon but it’s possible that you may have another blip at sometime but thats normal too. I did at two years stage. (In fact I don’t know what I am doing on this site I haven’t been on here for ages but am just passing through).
My dx was four and a half years ago and I am feeling really well and have done for a couple of years. However I felt so awful for so long with chemo and herceptin and thought it would never end. But it does, and you have your life back, it may be a slightly different life and you never forget this time but it fades away.

I made some fabulous friends on this site, four I met up with last week for lunch, we were all going through at the same time and they helped a lot in those early months ( and years).
So what I am trying to say is you will feel better but meanwhile expect to feel ropey for a bit longer, expect that and try to spoil yourself a bit.You just have to sit it out.

Hope this helps. Good Luck Sam and I hope you are feeling better soon and that 2012 is great for you.

( I have just read your post again after I finished writing and have just come back to say. I felt so much better after Herceptin was finished it gave me dreadful joint pain and I had difficulty with stairs and was so tired but 3 months after it finished I felt great. I was stage 3 HER2+++)Stick in there kid!


Just want to say thanks to all who replied with words of encouragement to my post. It’s nice to know that I am actually “normal” (well as normal as I will probably ever be). I crossed off yet another Herceptin yesterday so am getting closer to the end.

I also had my first proper haircut yesterday so today am sporting a really trendy short style which looks just that rather than as someone related to me kindly said (growing out cancer hairstyle), so all in all feeling absolutely great today.

I am sure I will have more lows and highs but am starting to be a bit more kind to myself about it.

Happy 2012 to all of you.


Good for you.
Great news - Have a very happy christmas.

I have just celebrated one yr on from finishing rads. Life has been a roller coaster with my husband suffering a severe stroke in the summer just when I started to feel normal (old, in pain, hairless etc) but more normal than I had for a while and I was thrown into all this ‘another’ new life has brought, sometimes I feel so lucky and get on with it well and everybody says I am a marvel lol, and other most times i feel obsessed by my experience, scared, damaged, and mutilated. Then i swing again thinking get a bloody grip I am even boring myself with me!! I just try to rest when I can, stay really busy ( do they go together) breathe deeply a lot and give myself a break for how mixed up my feelings are. I think it is a bit like PTSD, after all with all we have been through, why wouldn’t we feel like we have been through a trauma, we certainly have. But there is life after, I am 51 and have a whole life ahead yet and yes the human spirit is amazing and so are we all. xxx