Hi all. i havent posted for quite a while, I had a lumpectomy one year ago, stage one, lymph nodes clear, had radiotherapy, no chemo, prescribed Anastrazole. I’m 63. I had a rare type of stroke 11 years ago, made a complete recovery from that then got hit by the BC rollercoaster.I am resilient, fortunate to have a supportive partner, I am retired & partner still works full time.,i have good friends and keep busy, I joined the local Ramblers in the Summer and really enjoy it. One year on and I had the first mammogram yesterday, it had been on my mind for the past few wks and I havent been sleeping too well, was quite anxious at the clinic I went on my own, in and out very quickly and the radiographer was very synpathetic. I have realised that I have lost confidence in my own body, I was ambushed by BC and the fear of a recurrance never leaves you does it. Have to wait for letter now whether OK or not, have a follow up clinic next month and my husband is coming with me for that. Not sure how to deal with the fear of recurrence, any tips?
Hi. I am the same as you - 61 and getting on with life but anxiously waiting for the letter from my first mammogram one year after mastectomy. I have found myself obsessively looking at the NHS Predict on line site and working out my percentage chances at 5 and 10 years. I expect yours must be really good at stage 1 and no nodes because mine are good at stage 2 and 2 positive lymph nodes so if I feel wobbly I remind myself that my risk of recurrence is quite low. I find it hard to get to sleep but I have stopped looking at my phone or tablet for a couple of hours before going to bed and I have started going to bed later when I am really sleepy so I am lying awake less now. I do a lot of walking and have taken up swimming again so I am fitter than I was before BC. I don’t suppose the fear will ever go away but I am hopeful that as time passes it will recede although it will get worse again when check ups are due. Good luck with your follow up. I had mine in the wrong order with the check up first and mammogram 6 weeks later. The check up was fine and I am NED now to be confirmed by the mammogram so I am keeping my fingers crossed. We got through diagnosis and surgery so we are stronger and more resilient than we think x
Val Hope you have your results now. Why does it take soooo long?!
I’m exactly the same! Had mastectomy,chemo and radiotherapy last year. Had my first check up an mammogram last week and all was ok. But… Feel so down. Should be feeling on top of the world so that makes me feel worse. Can’t imagine ever feeling good again. I guess we just have to learn to live like this xxx
Why, oh why do we feel like this. Clear mammogram after 1 year, great news, and then… all those thoughts run through your mind. Like many, I have good and bad days and I don’t think these horrid thoughts will ever leave us. So, we have to try and train our minds the best we can and at least we can meet here on this fantastic site and pour out our hearts. As they say, it’s good to talk. Sending masses of xxxxxxxxxxxx and hugs,
<Empty imported post>
Hi I 37 got diagnosed at 36 with breast cancer had chemo and radiotherapy I have 3 girls all under 13 terrified it will come back just had s mammogram and everything ok but still scared it will come back
Hi all
I just found this thread and found it really reassuring. I was picked up in a pilot of extending routine mammograms to women between 47 & 50 as having DCIS. I consider myself to be lucky as although I had to have a mx I didn’t need any further treatment. My mx was last february and was followed up with surgery in September to replace my tissue expander with a permanent implant. I am booked in for my nipple reconstruction later this month. I had the results of my 1 year mammogram a few weeks ago and like you all found it a very anxious time. I will be 50 in May and am finding it a very strange time. People want to make a big fuss of it but I feel it makes me confront my mortality and to make a big deal of it feels like it counters my current philosophy of valuing every single day and taking great pleasure in what I do have. It feels mad to have such a violent reaction to a 50 th birthday!! Like others in the chain I take much more care of myself than before and eat better and exercise more. Physically I feel able to do just about everything again and have just come back from a skiing holiday where I could do everything I wanted to do. In that I have taken great pleasure and satisfaction. Life does return to normal but the punctuation of medical appts are always going to be unwelcome reminders of what we have experienced and our vulnerability. My sister is 6 years post bowel cancer and still feels the same.
Thanks for sharing. It makes me feel normal and not neurotic
K xxx
I think this thing is like grief,it hits you in waves and at certain key times (sometimes when you are least expecting it) it floors you.Cancer is an enormous thing to get your head around and having it hanging in the background indefinitely is really hard.We are all bound to have low times and shouldn’t beat ourselves up for feeling that way sometimes .Hope you feel better soon, we should get treats on the NHS to cheer us up(better than Tamoxifen etc!!)
Ps I am due my first post treatment mammogram in a few weeks too.Not good ,brings back loads of very unpleasant memories .
Hi ladies, how are you feeling now? Have things setyled down or are you still feeling low?
Moijanxx
In a strange way so happy to read all your notes, makes me feel very very normal, after having 4 operations and 5 hospital stays over the 16 month with lots of ups and downs.
l am trying very hard to put the lid on the box and move on, however not easy it ready helps to read about all the lovely ladies out there.
GOOD LUCK to each and every one Happy Christmas and a big thank you to all the wonderful people on this site we couldn’t have done it without you.
hugs Tili xx
hi Leigh,
I’ve just had my first yearly, the radiographer was lovely & very reassuring.
I found as it approached that it did play on my mind again & my treatment was more straightfoward as I did not need chemo.
Anniversaries can be so difficult.
I found it helpful to remind myself that following treatment there would now be far less of a risk as it had now been dealt with.
Do take care
ann x
Hello - it’s a long time since I posted anything but I often dip into the forum for advice and tips from other people’s experiences. I had DCIS which was large and high grade - had surgery 4 Feb last year followed by radiotherapy. I am 58 .All the feelings people are describing on this thread resonate with me - especially going through patches of feeling low. I think that , like many, I just got on with my treatment at the time but didn’t really acknowledge it. Sooner or later you have to face it and I think that’s been happening to me now as I came up to a year since diagnosis. Also
my place of work doesn’t make it easy to put it to back of my mind - I am a palliative care nurse working in a hospice . Obviously , I don’t talk to patients about my diagnosis but It often crosses my mind that we have some things in common. I have my first mammogram since treatment , coming up on Weds with oncology appt end of Feb. Of course,I am worried about it and seem to have developed pains in my arm this week !
Do any of you ladies who have had lumpectomies still have pains and discomfort all this time on ?. Oncologist and BC nurses say it is normal for some women. I am still wary about enthusiastic hugs from my toddler granddaughter and quite protective of that area. Wonder will it always be like that
I was told I would have annual mammograms for 5, years then back on normal 3 yearly. I would prefer annual,for 10 years .
Anyway, am rambling now. Goodnight X
hi Aggielou,
On discharging me, my oncologist did say that yearly mammos could be requested after 5 years, if I preferred. It maybe an idea to check with your team.
ann x
Hi Angie I still have some discomfort 18 months on post lumpectomy and it gets worse if I have done a lot physically , it has improved since my first post treatment mammogram last June however .I was thinking of asking if I could have yearly mammograms too ,3 years seems like a long time .I found the first mammogram post treatment really hard especially the waiting for the results ,felt physically sick when the letter came through the door ,felt I had to put things on hold in my life for a while till I got the all clear.Good luck with your appointment .Jill
I have had my first annual checkup and mammogram and waiting the results. As I haven’t been called back, am hoping it was ok. But haven’t had my letter yet.
I have experienced all kinds of weird side effects from the Letrozole I have to take now - really bad joint and leg pain with cramps and spasms. Since having the checkup, I have felt sad and disconnected from my normal life and have felt almost as if I am unfamiliar with normal things. is this anxiety or what do you think? I didn’t expect to feel anything other than relief after what seemed to be a satisfactory examination. Anyone else experienced odd feelings after the first checkup?
Hi Gill,it put me in a very weird place mentally and I don’t think it’s unusual ,I think disconnected is a good description ,it was like life was put on hold for a while then when I got the results someone pressed play again.
I’m four and half years since diagnosis, just had a clear mammogram, have been getting on with my life with no real problems except that Letrozole seems to have catapaulted me into old age.
Yet I’m suddenly feeling overwhelmed by it all again - all the things that someone (Leigh?)said below
“Also the puzzlement - I can’t seem to find a place in my brain for what happened - was it a dream? Why is life normal and I’m not? And frighteningly, what’s the point.”
I’ve just had flu and although I KNOW that theweakness, the lingering cough and pains in my side are highly unlikely to be evidence of lung mets, yet again I keep thinking that the cancer will come back sooner or later, so why not now? In fact, my prognosis is good and i may well live long enough to die of something else, but every time I have the slightest twinge or ailment I become convinced for several days that this is it, the cancer is back, and this time it’s The End… I know this is pathetic, that i have been one of the lucky ones so far, and I’m all about making the most of every day and enjoying life, but I can’t control where my mind goes, all too frequently, and it’s driving me bonkers.
One thing that really doesn’t help is the amount of obituaries I have read in the last year of women whose
breast cancer has come back well after the five year point, which seems to be meaningless. If you survive 5 years it doesn’t mean it’s not going to come back, it just means that you’ve been fortunate enough to have survived 5 years.
And I read somewhere recently that never mind the chemo, the radiotherapy and the drugs, cancer cells can just go dormant in your body and wake up again any time they feel like it. The writer Margaret Forster, who died recently, had breast cancer 40 years ago, and eventually it came back to claim her.
I’m not even that bothered about dying, weirdly. We all have to die sonmetime, and we all have to live with uncertainty , of many different kinds, all the time.
But it’s the feeling that the sword of Damocles is hanging over my head all the time, that seems to be driving me crazy.
I have so much to be grateful for in my life, but I feel all the time like a sniper has me in their sights, and is going to pull the trigger any minute now.
Sorry, now I’m mixing my metaphors. And sorry for being so doomy, but I’m baffled as to why after more than four years, the mental effects of this are STILL proving so difficult to deal with.
Ah well, I need to get a grip. This is just the new normal, in fact the not so new normal.
I really need to accept that this is always how it is going to be, and stop wasting what time I’ve got left
by brooding about how little time i might have left.
Right, now I’m going to go for a walk in the sunshine and look at the crocuses.
Hi C,I don’t think the fear will ever go away ,we just have to find a way to stop it spoiling our lives .Yes, it can come back mant years after diagnosis ,but in the vast majority of cases it doesn’t and you are more likely to get run over by a bus .Its not pathetic to feel like you do this is a very hard thing to deal with ,have you managed to go on a “moving forward course” run by BCC they seem to be very helpful .Jill.