Op next week terrified.. help

I had confirmed on Wednesday that I needed a mastectomy which I pretty much expected anyway. It isn’t in my lymph nodes or elsewhere which is good news. I’m going in for op on Tuesday and in absolutely petrified so much so I actually feel like calling to say I want to cancel it. I’ve not slept hardly since Wed as every time I close my eyes I think of the op ans cant stop crying. Everyone told me I would feel better once I had a plan in place but I actually feel worse as now I know it’s real and this is actually happening. I honestly don’t think I can do this. Everyone seems so brave and positive and I’m just not. Is it normal to feel this scared… I think I’ll end up having a panic attack or pass out or something and they’ve told me no one can stay with me which scares me more ?

I know I should be grateful it’s not elsewhere or more aggressive but I’m certainly not grateful that I got this thing in the first place!

Melia

 

I think having a treatment plan in place is very re-assuring because you know that something is going to be done and when it is going to happen, at the end of it the cancer will be removed from your body, but it doesnt stop you feeling scared and it is perfectly normal to feel that way, it is fear of the unknown in having the op, honestly we have all been there in our journey with bc and know exactly what you are going through.

 

Yes it is real and it is actually happening, but just keep hold of the knowledge that this operation is to remove the b*****r from you.  I think I remember telling you I gave mine a name “Mr Blobby” and the relief I felt when it was removed was very surprising.

 

You are brave, look how far you have come already with this and especially in relation to your other problems.  You will get there the hospital staff know exactly how you will be feeling and will provide you with the support you need to get you through this part of your journey.

 

Sending you a big supportive hug

 

Helena xx

Hi Melia,
As Helena says.
You will be just fine. We all have wobbly moments, I remember having some feelings you describe, but it was short lived.
It’s so good to hear there’s no evidence of spread, so you are now well on the way to getting the little bu…r sorted once & for all. It’s just that it feels so real now.
Your feelings are quite normal, we’ve all been there & we’re just further down the road, that’s all.
Is it worth seeing your gp about your anxiety, if you haven’t already, to see if anything else can help?
do take care
ann x

HI Melia

I don’t know if you’ve had an op before - the unknown is usually far more scary than the known. I had three last year so sort of got used to things and just wanted to reassure you - although you can’t have family or friends come with you, you will be looked after every step of the way by nurses, the anaesthetists etc before the op and there will be someone right there when you come round in recovery too. Each op I’ve had the staff have been lovely, they talk you through each step calmly, ask you if you have any worries or questions, reassure you if you do, and even hold your hand if that helps. I had a memory of coming round from anaesthetic and my lips and mouth feeling really dry - when I mentioned this to the anaesthetic team they went and fetched some vaseline for my lips and made a note to give me some in recovery as well - they really do do everything they can to help.

Re the mx - that was one of my ops and it was awkward for a while afterwards because you have to be careful using the arm on that side, managing the drains etc and a bit uncomfortable, but nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be for after effects. You may find anaesthetic makes you feel sick after, but again, the staff can give you something to help with that.

I really hope this has helped to set your mind at rest a little at least. Please do ask if you want to know about anything else from the op xx

Thank you so much ladies as always this place calms me down a lot! I think your right as it is a fear of the unknown liz I think I will need my hand held too. All the people I have met so far have been lovely and so nice so hoping it will be the same on this occasion. Did you have a reconstruction too? I know this is a longer op too. I’m going to ask for something for my anxiety when I’m there and hopefully they can help as my docs is shut all weekend now. I’m putting on a brave face to all my friends and family so they think I’m doing ok as dont really talk about it and have to try and remain happy for my kids. But feel like inside I’m not coping well. Hoping to feel some sense of relief after the op x

Big hugs xxx

Hi Melia, don’t be scared of the op. They anaesthetise you and next thing you know you’re in recovery. The fear is usually worse than the reality.
I am so envious that you have your mx so quickly. I’ve got to wait until 12 May and have already waited 2 weeks for my mx and reconstruction expander. I am desperate to just get the surgery done and cancer out of me. Until I’ve had my LN tested in the op I won’t know if it’s spread and that’s the part that terrifies me.
I’m interested as to how you know the cancer is not in your lymph nodes before the op?? I wish I knew that.
Hope you feel less worried by Tuesday. Hugs xx

You have such a long time to wait Carole the mist be awful. Why so long ? Well they haven’t confirmed this 100 per cent as dont think they can im getting lymph nodes tested too in op. But so far from ultrasounds they have done and mri test they said they have been clear. I’m hoping this remains the same as I have it in my head they are clear now I’ll be devastated if anything comes back now. Does anyone have any experience of this, being told clear all along and had a nasty surprise or told clear and remained clear? X

Have you had ultrasounds and mris Carole? I think they can get a good idea from them if they are affected… at least I think that’s the case! X

I had ultrasound and they say they look clear. No MRI, they said there’s no need for it! The 12th was the first available date. There’s only one consultant who can do reconstruction. I might have got it sooner if I had straight mastectomy and I didn’t know this option would take so long. It will be 80 days from my first appointment so i have spent the last week chasing them to do it sooner, and they say they can’t even though they agree it’s too long and breaks 62 day rule. I’ve logged a complaint with PALS at the hospital but still have to wait. I’ve got all kinds of aches and pains and really worried as to what is happening during the wait time. I’m really struggling with the stress at the moment and just want cancer out and to know it’s not spread. Don’t know what to do next.

I think I would be complaining too sounds like a total nightmare having to wait that long. I was diagnosed 15th march and op on Tuesday so a really quick turn around and I’ve had a 3 biopsies, ultrasound and mri in that time so they’ve been pretty thorough. I agree with you on just wanting the thing out even tho I’m terrified. But the waiting is the worst so I feel for you. My consultant is also my surgeon so don’t know if that makes a difference in turn around times as I’ve not had to hang around waiting to see a surgeon seperately. Hope you can get sorted quicker x

Yes liz I’m going for immediate reconstruction with the expanding implant. Is this what u have? I did just want a standard silicone implant but they didn’t seem keen to give me that and said this will be more natural. Hope i wake up with some sort of Boob although I know it’s going to be nowhere near what i currently have. I wasn’t able to have the other one either as I don’t have enough body fat but wouldnt have wanted extra scars anyway. How is your recovery now ? How long where u not able to lift etc for as I have a little one and don’t how long I will be to manage not being able to pick her up etc xx