In all my searches of Cancer Web sites I have found next to no information about people who opt to receive no treatment for their cancer. It feels very isolating. My sister told us in July that she had breast cancer. We had one difficult month to look after her at home (with oxygen cylinders for breathing difficulties) before she just died at the age of 51. It felt very disturbing to learn that my sister had had cancer for 6 years and had quietly choose live with it and die with it.
Hello,
So sorry to hear about your sister. Very sad to hear your news.
Wish I could offer some words of comfort, but all I can say is that you can never imagine how you would deal with cancer until you have it yourself. It seems that your sister made her choice - for whatever reason - based one what SHE wanted. I hope are able to come to terms with that one day and be left with happy memories of your brave sister.
love,
Jacki xx
Hi Beach
Gosh she must have been one brave lady although some would say ‘silly’ not to accept treatment. She is fortunate the cancer must have been non agressive to live for 6 years without treatment.
i have not met anyone who hasn’t accepted treatment although there must be many people like your sister, however an aunt of mine had found a breast lump and never went to the docs until she had bone brain secondaries. She died not long after. We questioned why she did it like she did as she was a nursing officer. As Bunny says its an individual choice what we do.
I have always said if the cancer goes to my vital organs i wont have treatment, but whether i stick to it if and please God it doesnt come to that i dont know.
I hope Beach you get the help you are looking for and as Bunny says remember your dear sister with love and know you cared for her in her final days.
Take Care
Rxx
I am sorry about your sister. It is sad that she did not feel able to discuss her situation.
But at the end of the day, if someone does not wish to have treatment, that is their prerogative and decision. There are people who feel the treatment and its effects offer a worse quality of life than living with the tumour. George Melly refused treatment for lung cancer for that reason.
I too know someone who refused treatment because when she was diagnosed she felt very well and no pain. She went down the “natural” road and 4 years later bitterly regretted her decision but by then it was far too late - cancer had spread everywhere. I do believe that non-acceptance and fear had a lot to do with her decision - it is all so sad - her Onc never talked to her indepth or tried to give her options - just accepted her decision.
At the end of the day though it is one’s own personal decision - just very hard for family and friends around them.
Love K
Hi beach
So sorry to hear of your sister’s death. I’m someone who went through chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy during treatment for primary breast cancer and now have a recurrence and am going through chemo again.
I seriously thought of declining treatment but in the end didn’t have the courage to do so, though I know that all the nasty treatments I’ve had haven’t necssarily extended my life. I think your sister chose a path which takes great integrity and courage. I know of a few people who have declined conventional treatments but they have all gone for ‘alternative’ remedies and I wouldn’t have chosen that. Paul Merton’s wife (Have I got news for you etc.) did that and you might find some information about her on the internet.
I hope you can mourn and greive for your sister and come to understand why she made the decsiosn she did.
Jane
I know two people who refused treatment, my mum and mother-in-law.
The first time my mum was diagnosed with BC she underwent lumpectomy, chemo, rads and Tamoxifen only to find another lump in exactly the same place 7 years later. She underwent mastectomy but refused all other treatment. It wasnt until I was diagnosed that I found out she had declined more treatment. It had really knocked her about the first time, needing lots of blood transfusions and spending most of the time in bed either at home or in hospital. My mum is still here with us 6 years later and I understand her decision not to have treatment having undergone mastectomy, chemo and rads myself. I do, however, feel it is a very personal decision and believe that if I was unfortunate enough to be diagnosed again I would face the treatment head on like I have this time, although I am only 27 whereas my mum is 60 and I do think age has a lot to do with it. I want to see my son who is 2 grow up, go to school, get married etc whereas my mum has done all that.
My mother-in-law watched her twin sister battle cancer for years, undergoing various different chemotherapies, rads, ops etc but it got the best of her in the end and I think my mother-in-law thought what is the point and enjoyed what time she had left relatively well until the end.
I have heard of another woman who refused treatment as she didnt want to lose her hair! I would lose my hair again in a flash if it meant I could have another 5 or so years with my family.
We are all very different people and I think we should respect other peoples decisions especially as we arent fully aware of their situations and life ambitions. My hat does, however, go out to all the people who decide to tackle it face on, undergoing nausea & vomiting, hair loss, weight gain, lopsidedness etc. Its a tough 1-5 years but its “do-able”.
Ju -x-
I also know people who have refused treatment. One lady considers her options carefully and takes what feels right to her. The other is against the use of poisons.
I do no think they are braver than any other BC victim I know. They have simply analyzed their beliefs and made a decision.
I fully and absolutely support them in their choices. I believe they have the right to live and (possibly) die in the knowledge that they chose the course of action they were most comfortable with.
Hi Beach I was not going to have any treatment for my BC I was diagnosed last November with BC I had just moved back home to Scotland from living in Birmingham for 25 years I was only hear 1 week when I found the lump. I was also missing all my friends and my old house in Birmingham. I woke up one morning and found the lump I then had to go and register with a new doctor whom I didnt even know as I had been with my old doctor for 25 years so as you can imagine I was very down. Anyway I got my hospital appointment 2 weeks later and I was diagnosed all on the same day. My consultant said I would have to have a mastectomy and then 8 sessions of chemo I said no way am I going through that I will just die . I was then taken into a room where I was introduced to my BC nurse I was in bits as well as missing my old home.We talked for 3 hours and when I left the hospital that day I was still adament I wasent having the treatment. The next morning very early my BC nurse phoned and asked if she could come to the house to see me I said there was no point but she came anyway she brought a former patient with her who had the same BC as me we all got talking and the lady had finished all her treatment 2 years before and was looking fantastic. I then decided to go through with the treatment so 3 weeks later I had my masectomy and 3 weeks after coming home from hospital I started my chemo 1 lot every 3 weeks I lost all my hair and had to wear a wig and yes I was quite ill after each chemo. I have now finished all my treatment 6 weeks ago and my hair is now back and I feel fantastic I just wish your aunt had someone like my BC nurse who at the end of the day talked sense into me I also love my new home here in Scotland I do feel for you especially when you read some of our stories on here from people who have been saved by having treatment. I must say your aunt must have been a very brave lady to make the decision that she did please dont hold it against her I do feel for you You Please Take Care Love Linda xx
Hi Beach
I’m very sorry to hear about your sister.
There is very little info on people who have opted not to have treatment. I had unsuccessful chemo ending over 18 months ago & have always said I would never have a mastectomy - I’ve spent hours and hours over the past 2 years since being diagnosed trying to find details on other people who have made the same decision as me but not had any success. I’ve called several of the helplines, including BCC, McMillans & cancerbackup but no-one I’ve spoken to has dealt with anyone making the same decision.
My situation is different as I have had chemo (which didnt shrink my tumour) & am currently taking letrozole along with the zoladex I’ve had from the start. I was aware that something wasnt right for around 9 months before being diagnosed & in all that time have felt fit & healthy other than during the 6 months of the chemo. I’ve also continued to work full time throughout & dont let the BC get in the way of a ‘normal’ life despite knowing the cancer is still there.
Your sister will have made the decision that felt right for her even though you are finding it hard to accept.
Thank you and very best wishes to everyone who commented - so many brave folk lurke behind these forum lines. Often there are no answers, just reassurances.
Beach