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Jane - Are you having a break between your rads i.e, do you get the weekend off? I hope you’re feeling better.

 

Sarah - I’ll be 51 on your appointment next year - you had better not forget my birthday wishes  :smileyvery-happy:  Still no start date for chemo - I wish they would hurry up, I just want to get it started. You never know, I might get home tonight and find a letter asking me to come in or not!

 

Strudel - I’m getting bored of waiting now - In my mind, my cancer has now started to grow and the chemo won’t be able to fend it off, or the reason they haven’t contacted me, is that my heart is too weak to take the chemo and I have a heart problem I never knew about - I’m just being dramatic :smileyhappy:

I can’t believe you and Sarah have got your yearly appointments already! I went in before Sarah.

 

Emma - it’s lovely to hear from you. When the surgeon took my nodes, I had to wait until I went back for my results before I knew if there was any involvement.  I wasn’t too worried, as I knew I would just have to go in again and have them out.  I did think at the time that having two surgeries was a pain, but I understood that they didn’t want to clear out all my lymph nodes unless they had to. Armpit wash - only on here, would we be discussing that :smileyhappy: I had my surgical socks on from the Tuesday until the Saturday, took them off and popped them in the washing maching on a handwash cycle - they smelt so much better.  It won’t be long and you can have a shower - I loved my first shower. Don’t you worry about supporting us, there’s plenty of us here to fillin for you, you just concentrate on getting better my darling.

 

Lexxy - Yay, an earlier appointment. When I was in hospital the food was quite nice, I had cauliflower cheese & mustard mash with sausages - yummy.

 

Helena - How are you coping with work? I find it’s lovely for a while to forget what’s just happened, although I can’t stay away from this forum for very long.

 

Jo - It’s so good to hear that your are o.k. so far. I hope there are no further SE.  Inject yourself? I’ve not heard of that before.  Is this something everyone has to do?

 

Alex - I will be thinking about you all day tomorrow. Good luck and all the best wishes I can send. (p.s. I was 49 when I had my mx, I just turned 50 last week) I was the youngest there, the only other lady having a mx who was also called Susan and was 67. I have never heard of Pomegranate and Raspberry tea :smileyhappy: I use manuka honey on the dogs wounds - it works really well.

 

Emily - that’s excellent news. Wahoo back.  It’s so nice to hear/read you so happy.  Good news just before your birthday.

 

See ya laters alligators.

 

Susan

 

 

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Susan, I don’t think everyone routinely gets e-CSF. Some Trust do and others only do it if white cells are low from what I can gather. They did say that they would get the district nurse out to do it but I thought it would be less hassle to do it myself. It was ok.

Manuka honey is supposed to be very good. My mum keeps buying it for me but she told me off when she found out I was putting it in my tea! She said that it wasn’t as effective. Not sure how true it is but I take if off a spoon now.

Jo xx

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Emily and Lexxy — have your onco results come through if you have got appointments next week? xx

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Emily, I’m going to phone tomorrow too ? They told me onco results would be there last Friday but they weren’t ? xx

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>Strudel Funnily enough I was talking to a friend today who had BC 12 years ago. She says that it does undoubtedly change you. She does stress about the smaller things in like and feels that see is a much calmer person now because of her experience. She was a depty head in a large primary school and decided to step back. I also teach and, given the amount of stress that comes with the job. honestly can’t see myself returning to it full time. The one positive that has come out of this is seeing the strength of some friendships and the unconditional support of OH and son.x

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I get a lot of inspiration from my mum… 18 months ago she led an active life, drove, walked everywhere, yoga and she’s 72. On July 4th 2015 she was out shopping and had a major stroke in a shop. Cut a long story short after having no speech or movement in her right side she is now walking, talking and living the independent life she had. She has no movement in her right arm or hand but writes with her left now (has learn to) and she says to me “Alex, this is now MY normal” - she is so motivated and strong and yes her life isn’t how it used to be physically but my god she makes the most of it. So, yes we will be living under the shadow of BC probably for the rest of our long lives to come but it’s a shadow and our normal is how we will adjust and we will do this!!! Much love, I’m off to bed as have this thing called a mastectomy tomorrow ? Roll on summer that’s all I say xx

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Alex, will be thinking of you tomorrow. You will be back sipping a cup of tea and honey before you know it. I will definitely have to try that combination, i’ve been on the camomile and honey recently.

 

Jane, i hope you are feeling better this evening and you’re resting up.

 

Strudel and Sarah, i’ll be looking out to see if you get some joy with the onc results when you call tomorrow, we’re all due a break from the waiting. They havent confirmed what the appointment will actually be, but its been 6 weeks since surgery so it must be the onc results.

 

I hope you get some joy too Susan on your start date. That meal sounds delish, i just recall the best thing i could choose being cottage cheese salad!

 

Big hugs to you Jo and i hope you continue to feel ok. I hadnt heard of the injections before, not an easy thing to take on doing yourself xx

 

Helena, i hope you have a great time tomorrow night. Your comment about your male colleague made me chuckle. I have been throwing the boob word around so much at work and the guys have just taken it in their stride ?

 

Strudel, i hear you so loud and clear on contemplating the future. I cant quite put it into words yet. Im also very absorbed by work ‘normally’ but is it worth it? Had you been considering moving closer?

 

Emily, i feel like buying Katie a huge bunch of flowers ? My oh will be with me, he wont let me go alone bless him and he is much better at remembering the details afterwards. Im hoping the appointment letter will shed a bit of light on what the appointment is!

 

 

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Morning, everyone. It’s still peeing down in London, we got back last night.

 

Fantastic that the onco-uprising has got appointments for Emily and Lexxy. This should be the approach for all of us. We are glad the NHS is there, but we don’t have to let them push us around. (When I was 14, I led an ‘uprising’ at school, never really got over myself!)

 

Alex, I really hope today goes well. Are you in for a couple of days? 

 

Em, only one more sleep now.

 

Elizabeth, what’s happening with you? When is your appointment?

 

Jo, are you still feeling ok? If so it bodes well for the rest. I’ve been tired this time round, but the side effects were no worse than last time. 

 

So for Strudel and others, my thoughts on changing things: I made this move two years ago. At that point I was in a very well paid, highly stressful job, which I had begun to hate. I had a CEO who wasn’t coping and who’s response was to try to micromanage. She wasn’t even my line manager, but the impact was huge. Long story, but I got out with a good payoff. I could have gone for another role in the same sector, but realised that I didn’t have to. I’d been so focused on my career trajectory that I’d stopped enjoying the day to day work. I don’t want this to sound like some Damascene moment. I’ve always had fun and I had lots of good things going on in my life, but not enough to make the set up worthwhile. I also was lucky, I could set up my own business, do consulting and employ other people. Which isn’t open to everyone. 2 years  on, I work fewer days, and enjoy them all. I’m not stressed and I could (pre-cancer) see myself working like this for at least 15-20 more years. I know we aren’t all the same age, but for me that is key. Could I find a way of working that I’d be happy to go on with?

 

The costs have been there too of course. I earn less. Not unmanageable, because I was earning a ridiculous amount before. But we are leaving our beautiful rented house in London behind this summer and accepted we will never buy in the South East. My work now is interesting and useful, but it’s not changing lives directly in the way I did before. I miss having a close team working to me, and (if I’m honest) I miss the status. But I’ve been firm with the headhunters and now they are calling less. I’ve decided this is what I want. 

 

So what does that mean now, during and post cancer? Firstly, thank god I did it. I so understand why you’re having these thoughts, Strudel. If I hadn’t made the change I know I would be thinking the same. Secondly, I am aware that my stress levels were too high for years. Of course I poo pooed that. “Look at me with my type A personality, thriving on the adrenaline.” That was nonsense. But I don’t regret doing what I did, partly because there no point, partly because it’s laid the framework for what I do now.

 

My motivations are going to be different from those of other people. I had to find a change that allowed me to continue to earn a reasonable income (I’m the only breadwinner). I realise that I care more about enjoying my work than changing the world. (Turns out, I’m not some saint!) I’ve found something that works by cutting our costs (Manchester here we come) and giving up some things I love. But I hope I’ve also found a way of life that will work for five years, or ten or (everything crossed) 20.  

 

I really hate the bollocks that lies around cancer being a gift. Pretty sure most of you will feel the same. But I do think that the timing for many of us imbues it with some significance. I’m not talking about the under-40s here. But for those of us who are in the majority, the 45-60 year olds, we might well be having these feelings anyway. We are mostly going to work longer, and had expected to live longer. I think cancer concentrates the mind. It’s still sh*t, and I wish none of us had it. But at the very least we should be able to get something from the experience.

 

Hope that doesn’t sound too pompous. There aren’t many places I’d feel putting that down in words, but this thread feels like I’m amongst real friends

 

Ali x

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Ali, you have summed up so many of my feelings in what you have said. I’ve been so very stressed for so long…career, 5 kids, abusive husband (who has now been gone for 3 years but still tries his best to get at me) and I was thinking, age 47, that I needed to start winding things down a bit. Well, looks like I’m having to now ?

I will catch up with the rest of the thread later (if still awake!). I was in bed early last night as I was exhausted but otherwise ok. Picky appetite and really can’t eat or drink certain things but not sick…yet!

Hugs to everyone that needs them and good luck Emily and Lexxy today…go girls xxx

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Good morning Ladies,

 

I have been reading your threads and agree with all of them. I have changed. I can’t be bothered with petty stuff anymore, I am also refusing to do the stuff I don’t want to do, whereas I would have gone and done it just to be polite.

 

The biggest change for me is that my anger has gone.  I have been so enraged for so long about my Mum’s death and the way she was treated at hospital and how terrible MacMillan were. (We all stopped supporting MacMillan after their shabby treatment -we then found out that she wasn’t the only one to be treated badly). I don’t even know what is left - a  sort of surreal, what just happened feeling.

 

I also find that I don’t want to make plans for the future, hubby was on about putting more money into my pension now that the mortgage was paid off - but I said absolutely no, I don’t retire for another 15 years!  We had planned to travel all the canals from March to November when we retired and as such we were going to have the boat made longer (it’s cheaper than buying a new one) but I don’t want to waste money on something I may not be around for and I have even found myself saying that we may not get to travel the canals.

 

Hopefully, this will change, but for now I can only think about a few weeks ahead.

 

Susan

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Hi
Just a quickie

I’ve phone to see if onco results are back and she’s gone to check ??

Strudel - I’m under north Manchester general xx

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Strudel - ??? ??

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Strudel - you asked which hospital I was under (was it you?) x

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Strudel - she hasn’t bloody phoned back yet … she did say some onco results were back on Monday but she’s gone to check if one of them was mine … I hope so!! I don’t know what to do about work ? If I’m having chemo, there is no way I can go back … but I’m only on ssp so really need to get back to earning some pennies xx

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I’ve no idea strudel, honestly it’s a nightmare … I’ve actually only had chemo mentioned and the tablet for 5-10 years … but the chemo is down to onco result …
I will let you know how long it takes her to get back to me

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Hello you lovely ladies

 

I have a bit of catching up to do but I am only around for a little while as I am being taken out to dinner tonight by my work colleagues to celebrate, so I will hsve a read but probably wont be posting until later.

 

Emily -  I am absolutely fine today, I have been walking serenely round the building today as a “lady” should do and it has been commented on already.

 

Helena xxx

 

 

 

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I got home and there was a letter from the NHS Derby Hospital - I was excited and nervous all at the same time thinking it was my chemo start date or appointment with the chemo nurse.

 

I opened it up - I am being invited to a breast screening on 20 February at 11.20am. Apparently, breast screening can help with detecting Breast Cancer at an early stage ? They have highlighted a bit at the bottom, that says if I have had a mammogram, to let them know - someone has written in the date I did have it.  So my question would be, if I have already had a mammogram before I was due one - surely they would check my records to find out why.  I did laugh, but afterwards I thought, that was very insensitive after what I have been through and am still going through - good job I’ve got a sense of humour.

 

Any luck with any of your appointments ladies?

 

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Wow ladies, I have lots to catch up on today! I’ve been in chemo fog the last few days but had a lovely day at my local hospice. Never, ever thought I would be saying that!! Well fed, watered and a nice manicure…

I’m living this talk of boats and locks. Is that something to plan for after fish and chips on the beach?

Oh, Emily, that knitted boob looks like an albino fig ?

Strudel, I can sense your frustration. I used hate the sound of the letter box and used to get jumpy when the phone rang. You just need a bit of positive news to get you back on track xx

Hugs to you all.

Jo xx

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Well … the BCN didn’t ring me back today … same as she didn’t ring me back on Monday after saying she would on the friday …

HOWEVER … I’ve just arrived home to the letter (appointment) which is on Monday …

So, I now have a question ? The appt is with the oncologist and not the consultant I’ve been under so does this mean I will probs be on the chemo list OR do you see the oncologist anyway …

Strudel - did yo have any luck getting through to BCN? xx

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I can’t believe 3 of us will all have our onc results on the same day! My appointment is oncology too Sarah and I believe they will discuss the oncotype results and the relevant treatment, whether it’s radiotherapy or chemotherapy.

Strudel, grrrrrr I can’t believe they haven’t bloody responded to you. Even just so you know they’re on it for you. It’s not fair.

Susan, that’s insane! As you say it’s lucky you can find a funny side to it.

Interesting reading everyone’s posts reflecting on work and the future, it seems a good number of us have been in high stress roles with long hours. Maybe it’s just that all jobs these days are!