Sorry to be so negative, but I feel so helpless and hopeless. I’m hoping you might be able to offer me some advice, encouragment, hope.
I was diagnosed in July 2023, I had a single mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. My active treatment finished in August 2024. I’m on letrozole and zolendronic acid infusions.
I had suffered very badly with depression and anxiety. However, I had been turning my life around, started living on my own and took up exercise.I had just come off anti-depressants when I got my diagnosis.
I’m back on a maximum dose of antidepressants. I can’t exercise (much) because as well as extreme fatigue I have developed disordered breathing.
I used to run marathons as well as cycling, swimming, martial arts, yoga etc. Now I can barely do housework.
I can’t ‘listen to my body’, I will push myself to exhaustion and then not be able to do anything for days.
My eating habits are appalling. I have put on 5st in weight and have a huge tummy and no waist.
I feel awful that I’m just being lazy and negative and self-pitying,when I know other people have been through worse.
Why am I not back to being me?
I have wonderful supportive friends, I’m trying to exercise, go outside the house, working on my mental health, so why am I still not me?
I thought by now I would have accepted the mastectomy and my body and mind would have recovered.
Did anyone else find it took such a long time to ‘get better’?
@rosey-posey, thinking of you, what a lot you have going on at the moment, you need to get some help, to help you through this difficult time.
Be kind to yourself, I think maybe call the breast cancer team on this site or macmillan support group they will be able to point you in the right direction and hopefully help to get you back to the old rosey-posey. Take comfort in your special friend and all the help around you.
I do wish you well, before too long you will b able to turn the corner. Health and happiness going forward.
Love and the biggest hugs Tili 
Dear Rosey Posey
I think you are in the middle of what I would describe as the kind of bog in ‘The Hound of the Baskervilles’ a very scary Conan Doyle story. Wherever it is, you need support from a professional - the equivalent of Sherlock Holmes. A counsellor, a dietician or maybe someone at Weight Watchers.
I was 13 stone 7lbs when I went to weight watchers. It was before I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I lost 2 stone 3 lbs. Over the years I put some of it back on and I was about to go back when I was diagnosed in 2003. A lot of biscuits were given out at a breast cancer support group I went to so I made sure I ate a sandwich before I went there.
I noticed breast care nurses were pretty fat too, so I reckon they ate the biscuits left over. It must be hard giving bad news. I wouldn’t give up if I was you. Set yourself a goal of losing 2 lbs a week. Do not snack. Eat a lot of salad and boiled potatoes. Good luck and do not eat sweets or biscuits
Hi @rosey-posey
This whole thing is really hard but you know your post is a huge step in the right direction. You want to change things, thats great, next its deciding your path.
I suffered with anxiety after having my ovaries removed. I bought the ladycare magnet and it changed everything for the better.
I recently bought and read Hack Your Hormones by Davinia Taylor, the book covers off all sorts of issues and i reckon it would help you find a new path on the eating journey aswell as how to feel better about yourself.
Baby steps, little changes and hopefully youll start feeling a whole new you 
Be kind to yourself @rosey-posey. I’ve just had surgery and still have more radiotherapy and immunotherapy to come and my surgeon has said to me many times it’ll be at least a year to feel back to being myself. You are only just past a year of active treatment and are still currently having infusions if I am reading that right? I also had 6 months of chemo before surgery and although I feel much better now at times and keen to get back to my life I physically feel about 160 years old (I am not even 40)! Pushing yourself before you are ready is only going to lead to exhaustion and make you feel worse physically and mentally.
I really think you need to give yourself a break. Some of the medications you are on may also be causing fatigue so just do what you can slowly and don’t beat yourself up. Be content to be alive for now and work at whatever pace you need to and build back to what you want. It is difficult with the desire to get back to “normal” when you feel it is over but this stuff is hard to get over! Don’t underestimate the toll. Are you able to work on the breathing or will that require medication/or is maybe a side effect of the medication? I think after all the treatment we sometimes have to accept that we have changed and it is ok.
Also I hope the anti depressants are working well for you but if you can talk to a professional to work through the anxiety and depression it may help you to be in a more accepting and hopefully positive mindset and allow you to move forward both mentally and physically.
My best wishes to you. Please know that you’re probably doing your best right now and that is enough.
Hi
@rosey-posey . Im sorry you are feeling like this. That is excellent advice from @wren8 and the others. The only thing i would add is that is to allow yourself to rest and not feel guilty about it. Your symptoms could well be ss a result of your medications but have you had Covid since your active treatment as this can also lead to disordered breathing and extreme fatigue, in which case pushing yourself is the wrong thing to do. With regard to disordered breathing i would recommend you trying to find a respiratory physiotherapist or yoga breathing therapist, both of these specialities helped my daughter with her breathing post covid. Good luck and best wishes.
Penny
Dear Rosey Posey,
I fully understand how you are feeling because I am in a very similar position. Diagnosed September 2022 and treatment ended in October 23 so exactly two years on from finishing treatment (which incidentally my oncologist said it would take 2 years to resume normality!) I still feel like rubbish, I suffer badly with fatigue and neuropathy damage to the hands and feet.
I was very fit and active prior Cancer, had a job I loved, and a partner.
Now sadly I have none of those. Like you I have also gained a lot of weight.
It’s very difficult, my advice is take tiny steps each day, try and do one thing to improve your situation.
I got a dog and she gets me up every day, and means I’m out rain or shine walking, which really helps with low mood and fitness.
Reach out to people, try and get any help you can. It’s hard, I’m the worst person to ask for help (sometimes too independent) but you might be surprised most people will be nice to you. I wish you all the best,
I mean if we fought Cancer and survived we have to be amazing 
Thank you everyone who responded to my message. I really appreciate you all taking the time to reassure me. xxx