I know I am being paranoid - and over reacting - but just broke down into tears - for the first time in a long time - I’ve probably been bottling it up - at the fear of thinking I had found a lump on my other breast. There really isn’t anything there - I think - but shall keep monitoring it - and I do have to remind myself that I only had a mammogram 3 months ago anyway when they would/should have picked something up on my right breast if there had have been anything there as they did with my left breast - and that the chemo would be shrinking any tumour that might be there if there was anything - but perhaps a few words of encouragement please?
Will I never feel safe and secure in my well-being again? How so much I took for granted.
I think prior to bc diagnosis, we all probably took an awful lot for granted, as so many do.
I am the same as you - I am constantly checking my remaining breast, currently have a ‘bruised’ area, which has been there since just after my mastectomy last Nov - keeps fading and reappearing, and onc keeps assuring me it’s nothing to worry about - does that a difference? Not at all - I still worry!!
I think we will always worry - that is the legacy of bc diagnosis I think - I just try to keep the worries to the back of my mind and not let them take over - otherwise it might as well take me now. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but it’s just how I feel, I can’t let it take over my life or else it’s won - I have to believe that I can conquer it (and I still have a long way to go with treatment so believe me it’s difficult some days).
hi Naz,
sorry you are feeling so low, this disease makes us more aware…and yes possibly more paranoid about our bodies, aches, pains etc., but we are justified in feeling like this.
if i am thinking right and you are still having chemo i would get your onc., to check it out, or ring your BCN and see if she will check it out for you…i’m sure there is nothing to worry about…but it is always better to get things checked out.
Thank you for responding so quickly - I am sure I am over reacting. I am sure I am just succumbing to paranoia. But there’s always the doubt. The truth is, until I found the two lumps in September last year I didn’t really know how my breasts felt at all so that now I don’t really know what it is I am feeling when I feel my remaining breast because I’ve never known how it has felt ordinarily. Could this just be me coming down from the medication? I will leave it a day or two and speak to my BCN if I am not reassured.
don’t want to be the big bad wolf, but here goes. my son hugged me on xmas eve and cut my nipple with the corner of his glasses. A lump appeared over xmas hols and i had it checked by doc in early jan - they gave me antibiotics and go back in a week. lump hadn’t cleared so referred for mammogram and ultrasound Jan 20th ish. both proved to be clear but guy who did ultrasound called me back in a month because of internal bruising and he couldn’t be 100% sure, he did biopsy at the same time…
So to all intense and purposes it looked like an infection or trauma lump. Went back for results a week later on 12th March and was diagnosed with grade 3 agressive tumour of more than 6 cms! Clinic just as shocked as me, as the lump had ‘appeared’ in period of one short month.
So my advice GET EVERYTHING CHECKED as not even the professionals work on science just ‘hunches’ and thank whatever higher being there is that the Ultrasound guy had that ‘hunch’ to call me back.
i’m not al doom and gloom - honest! had 1st FEC on 20th and onward and upward
Thanks Jayne, yes, I should definitely have learnt my lesson after the initial diagnosis in December. It may not be anything at all - I’m really not sure I can feel anything - but I shouldn’t hesitate at all, I know. Its just the fear that it could be something that inhibits me… I shall monitor it and get in touch with the BCN - I need to speak to the clinic about my seroma anyway so can just use it as an excuse to raise my fears too.
I think my OH thinks I have only got myself upset in order to distract him from watching the football! I jest, of course.
Hi Naomi Just read your mail… I feel every little lump and pray it’s not something horrible… had to pluck up courage to ask nurse last week about lump under bra strap region. It is all so very scary and like you I feel I will never be the same person again… psychologically I am a wreck. I have fought long and hard to lift myself up from depression and anxiety , which i’ve had for many years. Just feeling I was beginning to put it all behind me THEN had BC and it’s just completely taken every ounce of confidence I had rebuilt in one fowl swoop. So if you are paranoid think I must be completely ga…ga. Have chemo again tomrrow…hope I can avoid having the panic attacks , I know I would cope better without them. Lots of love Bobbie
Hi Bobbie, that’s come round quickly hasn’t it? Of course, it was this time last week so it would be today. Just think, after today, you’ll have a two week break - and then you’ll be one less to go! Its the hardest thing asking for advice/help in the first place but so much better when we do - I really don’t know why we hesitate. I’m glad to hear that you asked and that they were able to reassure you that it was nothing. Just keep telling yourself you’re on the homestretch…! xxxxx
Mmmm, yes, football does dominate his life a little. He’s a Man U and West Bromwich fan and although I don’t support any club I did live in Portsmouth for a while when I was younger so that I feel obliged to side with Pompey over West Brom in the FA cup semi final - already looking forward to the banter!
Hi Naz,
just to say I too have bcome paranoid about other breast ( had mastectomy 5 weeks ago ) and was sure i had another lump, so my bc nurse arranged for Dr to have a look today when i went back for my scan results. Scan was clear, and she said it felt fine.
I don’t have 100% confidence in the mammograms for my particular type of ca. ( invasive lobular ), so i panicked at thought i would need to pick up any new lump myself.
You don’t know what feels normal anymore, do you? it’s really hard.
I’m putting my trust in the chemo and Tamoxifen for now, but I’m going to talk to my consultant about maybe having other breast removed next year. See what she advises. I don’t think I can stand the worry, and I’ve found the mastectomy ok to deal with so far. ( I’m 52 yrs old ). Not so easy if you are younger, of course. We can reduce our risk,though, by good diet and exercise. I’ve been checking out a website which is linked to this, under Complementary Therapies.Worth a look.
Take care, and just get it checked out. They understand!
Ann