Partner who feels lost/helpless

Public Archive
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My partner uses this site and gains great support from it, for which I’m grateful, however I’m v frightened and confused and feel as though decisions are being taken away from me. I want to do the best and support as much as I can but don’t know how best to do this, partners seem to have no one to talk to and I would appreciate any advice, thanks :)9

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There are partners on this site and they give each other support hopefully one will be along soon.

Also the helpline is there for partners too, so you could telephone them and explain your feeling of helplessness. I think they might be able to put you in touch with another partner to chat on a one to one basis if that would help.

You dont say what step your partner is at, just diagnosed, undergoing treatment etc so its hard to know what decisions are involved and how you have been left out of them. It is a frightening time for everyyone involved.

I hope someone who can help you more is along soon

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Hi Jtw and welcome to the BCC forums

I am posting a link to the BCC publication ‘In it together’ which you may find helpful:

www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/it-together-partners-people-breast-cancer-bcc120

Take care
Lucy

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Hello Jtw,
It’s great that you want to support your partner.
Just wanted to offer a word of encouragement and hope you post a little more about your particular situation and that you find some more partners on here too.
Best wishes.

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As oldandlumpy says there is peer support for partners. My husband has used it and found it worthwhile. It is so hard because our natural reactions are to protect our loved ones from the intense fear we have. I am very guilty of not talking enough but I find the forums very good and I didn’t expect to. Everybody has been so helpful and they truely understand how you feel. The BCC booklet in it together is very good and so is the Helpline.
Do try these when you feel ready
My thoughts are with you it is such a rollercoaster of lack of normal control for everybody as you say.
Cackles

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Hi JTW. I am also a partner. I am not sure where you are up to in treatment.

My wife was diagnosed June 2010, Triple neg. She opted for chemo first, and had 4 each EC then TAX. Had suregery just before christmas and a second op in Jan, then onto radiotherapy.

She has now finished all her treatment, and is recovering well - back at college and helping out at the local school.

As we are at that stage, I don’t drop in quite as often as I used to.

I know what you mean abour feeling helpless.

Feel free to ask away.

Paul.