Hi
This is really personal think it is worth airing on this lovely supportive forum.
I was diagnosed with IBC Feb 07 aged 46yrs when career going well and looking generally rather good for age, had chemo, mastectomy and radio, now 18 months post diagnosis my husband of 25 years has not been interested in me sexually although has remained extremely supportive and loving in all other ways. I mentioned once that I felt a bit peculiar about just having one breast and he replied that he also felt odd about it. Since then I have not brought up the subject, iI suppose I am bottling out of hearing the painful truth whatever that is.
I feel as though that part of my life is now over and not sure what to do about it. It’s difficult for us as we still have our 2 sons 20 and 22yrs, living with us and girlfriends stay often, but having said that when we have been away for a couple of days on holiday which has been frequently this last year, nothing changes.
I will fathom it all out in the end but wondered about other experiences and if anyone has any tips.
Maria
Hi Maria
I was dx in Nov last year, was also 46 at the time - had mastectomy, chemo, rads and am currently on herceptin. I am in a slightly different situation, in that my husband has never lost interest sexually (unfortunately I sometimes think lol) - but he does find it difficult when he reaches across to touch me, then remembers there’s nothing there to touch on that side. He tends to pull away when he realises what he’s done - not in a nasty way, it’s just a reflex - but then that in turn makes me aware that things are different, and how it must be for him. To make matters worse I also have a hickman line inserted for the herceptin, and its on the same side as the mastectomy so if he’s really unfortunate he finds no boob and a long slither of silicon lol.
I do think you need perhaps to talk to him - I don’t think what he says will be as painful as you think. Me and my hubby do discuss it - and he does tell me that it sometimes bothers him - but only inasmuch as he doesn’t know how I feel ie do I want the area touched, would I rather he avoided it etc etc. By talking about it we have managed to come to a kind of agreement about what we’re both happy to do, or not as the case may be - and in the main it seems to work.
It may just be that he doesn’t know what you want - and you’ll only get round that one if you talk to each other. I hope you manage to sort it - keep us updated
margaret x
Hi Maria,
Yes, this is a difficult area. The podcast on this site for August was about body image and intimacy but didn’t seem to brave these waters very far. I had immediate recon with my mastectomies and I know my partner is repelled by them (I have temporary expander implants at present) but it is a hard subject to talk about. I did think about trying to explain to him the areas where I do and don’t have any sensation but to be honest this seems to change week by week. I don’t have any sexual desire anyway at present (the general situation/ tired / on tamoxifen) so have not pursued it. It’s hard to see our life without intimacy for ever (age 44) but I deifnately feel like bc has robbed us of that.
Sorry to be sounding negative. There must be a way through this for each of us - it’s just finding it…
Best Wishes
Misha