Can anyone give me advise on how to get some advice on dealing with my husband of 27 years who seems to be angry with me because I have this breast cancer …I do not feel he is giving me any support other than coming with me to the Hospital etc does anyone else have this problem because I am at my wits end and cannot cope with him being such a git as well as breast cancer
Hi monkeyface
I’m sorry you are having a difficult time at the moment, I have added a link to a Breast Cancer Care publication, In it together - for partners of people with breast cancer, that you and your husband may find helpful. The publication can either be downloaded from the website or via freephone helpline on 0808 800 6000
breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/inittogether_web_0.pdf
Kind Regards
Katie
Moderator
Hi Monkeyface
I’m no expert but maybe your hubby is not angry with you but is actually angry for you? It took my OH a lot longer to get his head around my BC than it did me. It must be very hard for you though, at a time when you need support, compasion and understanding from him. I think a good, long hard chat with him is needed. Make sure you tell him how you are feeling both about your BC and his attitude towards it. Get him on this site to look at the threads from ladies’ partners to show him how they are making an effort and how they cope with diffferent aspects.
I hope that this is his way of coming to terms with what is happening to the lady he loves. We have to let them do this for themselves. I am sure he will come good for you soon, at least I hope he does.
Thinking of you
Carly x
Hi Monkeyface
Not sure whether this will help you but alI can say is that my brother and husband are in a far worse state than me mentally and I find it hard to understand.
My brother hasn’t slept for 2 weeks and my husband is more tetchy than usual - though not outwardly angry or moody. I have been sleeping like a log - not only because of the anaesthetic.
I, however, am generally good in a crisis (husband isn’t) so I have to sit him down every day and ask him how h is feeling … then he says he feels a bit better after the chat, says “thanks” and walks off!!! I’ve realised that me telling him about any worries only upsets him more - which is why I joined this - as an outlet channel. If I say I’m worried about X or Y then he just goes into another spin!!!
I would suggest that MAYBE you could try off-loading on someone other than him …and reassure him that you will be OK …
…men … where would we be without them - or is it the other way round ???
good luck with the loveable old git
FizBix
Hi Monkeyface,
strange name that! My hubby has been distant throughout the treatment which was sooo hard.He came with me for some visits but often broody and not communicative. i feel sometimes he feels cheated however outwardly he does not say so. I failed to get the hugs I deserved or let alone a holiday after the treatment. He expects me to get on with life. my women friends have been brilliant.Anyway hugs to you. Take care
Thank you all so much for your wise words. We have been to stay with my parents for a couple of days and it has done us both good one of the things that I think he find hard is that we moved away in July to start a new life for ourselves and I think he is hurt for us that this has happened. I am very positive and have a very wicked sense of humour which accounts for me calling myself Monkeyface because you have to smile (HOPEFULLY) at such a daft name. We both have a lot of support from friends and family but at the end of the day its me who get the cards and flowers when he is having a rotten time also and I know he is not sleeping because if I wake in the night he always asks if I am ok.
Hope this is alright to do one big reply to you all thank you again for your support big love and hugs and together we are strong.
Monkey face xxxxxxxxx
Hi Monkeyface
I don’t have a partner but have many good mates who are clearly finding it hard to deal with my diagnosis. The day I was diagnosed my best friend was with me and she was in a worse state than me, crying and a bit hysterical really! It’s only because she cares, I know that. And some others have drifted away but I know they’ll come back, it’s just really hard from loved ones to come to terms with it. Sometimes harder for them than us!
But so glad you had a good few days, he’s angy, as Carly says, with the BC, not you.
Cecelia. x