physical side of marriage

physical side of marriage

physical side of marriage Can i ask how anyone else copes with the lack of sex drive that comes with chemo? or am i the only one? This is causing increasing friction between myself and my husband now as i have no sex drive since starting chemo in February, and as i have several more chemos to go before it ends i am finding it increasingly difficult to make husband understand that i am totally incapable of having sex with him. This has been made worse of course because of the affair i had before dx of bc as he gets angry that what belonged to him i gave away to someone else. But as i have tried to explain it is nothing personal whoever i was with now i would be incapable of having sex. Please tell me whether it is just me or anyone else has had the same problems and how they have dealt with them as i am getting to the stage of saying if that is all our marriage stands for then should we be together anyway.

Hi Christina, i have not had sex with my husband since i was diagnoised just over two weeks ago, i can’t, and now i’ve just had that op theres no chance, and got the next op on the 29th so can’t see anything happening before then or for ages after, i told him that i can’t even think about it just now, and he’s said he couldn’t do it if he tried at the minute, so lucky there, but thats worried me a bit, cos its not like me to lose all interest, just hope it comes back soon, how about just close cuddles if you feel up to that? if nothing else, it might make your hubby feel that your trying. hope this doesn’t add more strain than you need at the moment

lots of love and hugs

alison

Same here Yup, me too. Heard the words “breast cancer” and my libido shrivelled. I’ve been completely uninterested since (6 weeks). Even if I had the energy (which I haven’t), I just can’t relate to my body in the same way at the moment.

However, OH is being lovely. I don’t normally spend much time sitting still, but now we’re spending ages snuggled up on the sofa together - I’m being hugged more since dx than for years, and feel very looked after.

It isn’t the same as sex (well, duh!), but I think he quite enjoys the fact that I need him so much right now. He knows I couldn’t manage without him, and it has made me feel very close to him … I’m normally too independent for my own good.

There are bound to be times during any long-term relationship when roles have to change for a while; it IS hard (for both of us), but I hope it will make us stronger and more understanding overall. I would do the same for him, and I know he knows that. And we’ll plan a fab adults-only holiday later, when normal service is resumed.

Cheers, Stockbeck.

Never a right timer Couldnt think about sex whilst pregnant, then had the baby, 6 weeks later think things might get back to normal, then diagnosed with BC. Currently on FEC, so wiped out and when not wiped out have cystitis or a period. Mastectomy due end of Aug, thinking should aim for something before then - but its laughable really. Cuddles are nice but then totally irritating when you find OH has just fallen asleep and left you wide awake thinking of things again. Sorry this winge isnt helping you much but its helped me alot !
Jane

Publication by Breast Cancer Care I have been following this thread and feel that the publication by Breast Cancer Care called ‘Sexuality, intimacy and breast cancer’ may be of interest to some of you as it does contain some helpful advice on this issue. You can access this via the following link:

breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/Breast Cancer Care_sexuality_0.pdf

Kind regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care

I’m in your club too. Initially it was shock at diagnosis that affected my sex drive, we did try but I mostly ended up in tears so we stopped for a while. Then I had my mastectomy and that was a very hard time. OH couldn’t look at scar for 6 wks and soreness etc put paid to any then.

Then chemo, well what can I say that I haven’t moaned about before. I was pretty ill throughout and had bladder weakness and reduced lubrication on top of nausea etc and absolutly no interest at all. Then came the OH’s depression, he is not behaving very well towards me so who wants sex with a moody old git?!

Now I feel on rare occasions, inklings of feelings but hate how I look without hair, boob and fat from steroids so don’t want him to see me naked anyway.

It is very hard indeed. Cuddles are fine but they are not the cement that hold us together (by us I mean me and mine, everyone is different).

So all I can say to help is you are definately not alone. It is important to explain to him the physical and emotional termoil you are in, I have found my man needs things spelling out, he doesnt pick up on my emotions and thinks I’m fine so why isn’t our sex life?!

Hope you can get through this together, it’s just one more thing BC takes from us, some of us.

Irene

Thank you Yet again you have all really helped me on this fantastic site. Let husband read postings on here last night just to make him understand its nothing personal just part of the process of getting through this treatment. It really helped him to understand and afterwards we had a long chat and a good cry together. We have both agreed we are happy with cuddles as long as we stay together and get through this just for the sake of knowing we have the rest of our lives together to make up for what has temporarily been put on hold. So thank you again, you really are a great bunch who have helped me so much.

What a brill outcome!

I am very pleased for you both.

Love Irene