planning ahead - should i or shouldn't i?

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Hi!
I was first diagnosed in Summer 2008 and had a winter of operations - four in all including a mastectomy with LD flap recon. This time last year I was sent on my way with hormones to take, my team having decided that chemo and radio weren’t necessary (i had low grade DCIS which had spread to my lymph nodes, affecting a small number).

In February I went in for a check up and I had more affected nodes further up my armpit, which is very unusual apparently, and they think it’s come from cells they missed. So I’ve had another op and I’m now half way through 6 cycles of chemo - just about to start with Taxotere (if that’s what its called) on Friday.
This will be followed by radiotherapy, but I’m not yet sure how much and for how long - probably 3-4 weeks.

I wasn’t working when I discovered my BC and despite wanting to get on with life I found it really hard to get back into things after my ops the first time round. I had a frustrating time for the rest of 2009 looking into courses, wondering about things, but always feeling tired and putting everything off. Eventually at the beginning of this year I found a very interesting course - which could be counted as part of a postgraduate degree - and I got really into it, only to have my nasty nodes discovered so I had to abandon it.

I am now living back with my mum, not sure where home is, wondering what I’ll be fit for come the autumn when my treatment will hopefully be finished. The last few years have been full of plan-making and plan-abandoning so until today I’ve forced myself to think only of the present, and not look ahead. But … what do you think - would it be realistic to apply for an MA or MSC this year? Will I have any energy come September / October? will i have the concentration?

Last time round I found that having nothing to focus on gave me too much time to dwell on my health and a feeling of lack of purpose. I don’t want to bring loads of stress into my life when I can’t cope with it, but at 36 I also feel life is sometimes passing me by a bit and it would be good to some achievements- further study being something I’ve dreamt of doing for years.

Can any of you give me a better idea of how I might be feeling after treatment? Or maybe some stories about things you managed (or didn’t manage) to do?

I know I’m kind of asking the impossible, and tomorrow I might feel better about focusing on the day to day, but today I’m wanting to look to a inspiring future!

thanks, and good luck to you all with your recovery, and your plans!

tirrick

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Hi Tirrick, so sorry to hear about your tough times! I had my dx this feb with mx and ld recon and am halfway through chemo. For myself, (full time mum) I find that having projects, tasks and a goal very important. It gives your mind focus and the confidence gained from achievements can help with dealing with your problems. It’s a very personal decision but trying and finding can do it may give you a real boost! I wish you well! Warmest Wishes, Tinaxxx

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Thanks so much for your reply Tina.

I know it must be so different for you - as a mum as you have to keep going for the kids too and having too much time must seem a bit of a luxury! I do think sometimes I struggle without a focus, but starting something new when you don’t know if you have the energy is a big step.

What kind of things do you do to keep your mind ticking over?

I hope your chemo goes as well as possible!

Tx

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Hi Tirrick

I’d say go for it, what have you got to lose, you could always defer for a year if you find that you are not up to it. I found that my memory has been really badly affected by chemo (age 39), it is getting better (finished chemo in Oct 08) but I am still not what I was in that department. If you’re doing something coursework based and you are affected in this way, you would be able to do it more so than something exam based. Good luck whatever you decide.

Kinden
x

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i am still undegoing treatment ( 2 fec down, 1 fec and 3 tax to go, plus rads) and i am a full time mum, but i am 36 too like you and would say go for it, arrange a course, look frward to it, do pre course reading, if you aren’t up to it at the time defer, or just ditch the idea and find something else to do! I am thinking of ditching my career and retaraining to do something i enjoy once this crap is finished with and my boys are a bit older. Where abouts are you in the country? I am up in manchester.

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Is there ever an ideal time to take on a Master’s degree?. On the other hand, the satisfaction of studying something you really find interesting will make up for the hard work. I guess it depends on your other commitments. If you are not working, then studying may be just what you need to keep you mind active and as Tina says, boost your confidence, which is a great thing. I am about to start my MSc after putting it off for ages. I am not on treatment but have other health problems and will be working four days a week so it will be a tough call. However, I have been promising myself to do it and am going to give it a go and hopefully, the lecturers will give me some leeway in terms of attendance etc. If I give up then at least I have tried. Good luck

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It was so great to log on today and see all your encouraging comments. I’ve been feeling the same as you guys since I posted my message - and I’m going to contact the Uni I’m thinking of and just ask a load of questions - can I switch to part time half way through, etc. Was hoping to avoid exams anyhow as they really didn’t suit me as a younger person but the issue of chemo memory loss gives me a better reason to ask whether they are a core part of the course!

I’m so sorry your memory was affected for such a long time Kinden, that must have been really annoying to say the least - but good to hear that you’re on the up. I haven’t felt I’ve had a problem yet, but maybe it will come with the new drugs - I’m on the exact same treatment plan as you Tors, and if blood test was ok yesterday will start the Taxotere today.

You are all wonderfully encouraging! I don’t want to go back into exactly the same work as before, but I think I’ve always had a bit of a confidence issue with work so I’m hoping studying will give me a boost that way, as well as being a good challenge, interesting and a long awaited treat.

Good luck to you all - and let me know what you decide to do Cathy - what subject are you thinking of?

I’m mainly London based Tors by the way.

Oh I hope this motivation lasts!!!

Tx

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I am in agreement with the others. If you have been well on chemo so far, you may find Tax makes you a bit more tired but will hopefully stay reasonably well on it. I did, just taking a couple of days off after each one and going to work in between.

I’ve not had any memory problems (no more than usual, anyway!), but as we all know, our reaction to the treatment is all very individual!

I’ve gone to work throughout treatment, and I think an MSc/MA is a bit like having a job, so I don’t see why you won’t be able to do it. One of my staff is doing a part time MSC at the same time as having a full time job and two teenage children, so it is doable!

What are you thinking of studying?