This is just ridiculous - How scared am I? Trying to carry on at work / home like nothing is wrong and cant concentrate on anything but thinking the worse!
I am soooo positive usually but since finding a lump (apparantly 2cm says the doc) in my left breast and having dull aching pain / burning / swollen for last month it seems like I cannot stop thinking of the worst! In fact the more I read on the net the more I scare myself!
Have got a one stop breast clinic appointment next Tues - can you believe its on my birthday! But it seems like a year away!
How do you make the days hurry by and stop worrying?
I am sure that you will receive lots of support and information from your fellow forum members very soon. You may also find our publication helpful to read, it’s called ‘Referral to a breast clinic’, this can be read via the following link:
Please feel free to call our helpline on 0808 800 6000 and speak to one of our specialist nurses, it often helps to talk your concerns over with someone in confidence. The line is open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
Oh poor Hayley. What a place to find yourself. Not much anyone can say to set you completely at ease - only the clear diagnosis can do that. But you can remember that many thousands of women have been there before you and it feels bad, but the waiting is probably the worst. Treat yourself a lot - do things you like, see friends, the hairdresser, a spa, have a facial, shop, watch funny movies, whatever you maybe normally postpone in favour of duller duties. And just don’t do the duller duties at all.
I went through this a couple of months ago and was unfortunately diagnosed with something I didn’t want to hear - but absolutely something that can be dealt with - and I can honestly say that where you are now is much the worst time ever. So get through this with grace and humour, and you’ll get through everything.
Even if it’s the worst - and why should it be? - you may be surprised to know that things are not nearly as frightening as your imagination may be painting them. And this is a great place to come and share everything - it lightens the burden.
So sorry you are going through a difficult time - as I’m sure others will comment, the waiting times are the worst by far. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make next Tuesday get here any quicker. You just have to try and fill your time with all those unnecessary jobs you’ve been meaning to do for ages lol.
It also isn’t a good idea to surf the net (but believe me I think most of us did it at some point) - far better to stick to a few reputable sites like this and maybe Cancer research (link on front page here) - both of which have very good practical advice.
I was exactly the same when I found my lump last year - I didn’t have as long to wait as you but even so the few days I did have were an absolute nightmare - I gutted so many cupboards and washed so many pairs of curtains it was unreal! I’m not sure that there is anything that will make you ‘stop worrying’ until you actual have the appt.
I hope everything goes ok for you - and so sorry that it all coincides with your birthday - hopefully you will still be celebrating! Please keep posting and let us know how you are
Ridiculous as this sounds I have just sat in front of the screen, pressing “refresh” so many times - hoping someone will type something… Anything just to know I am not on my own! Thankyou so much for your kind words - I am not a worrier or a wittler but has kniocked me for 6 … no actually for 7!!
Almost feel guilty for feeling sad when I have no news! They say no news is good news so I guess that is what I must focus on! I truelly am inspired by your note and hope that you are, despite unwanted news, focusing on the future and good times,
Less than a week now… Never wished for a birthday and a year older to come round so quick!
Hx
Thanks Margaret for your kind words… You are right I have a whole heap of ironing to do and I am off to do it (with a blooming large glass of wine!!)
x
Oh yes, Hayley, I should have said - don’t forget the blooming large glass of wine! Even after a less than desirable diagnosis one of the first things I asked the doc was whether I should give up wine - eat a well-cooked meal with a glass of water? oh please! - and she said, ‘or maybe milk?’ & we both laughed like drains. The answer was a loud ‘no’. Go for it, girl.
M-L x
Hi Hayley, welcome here, though I hope your tests will show the lump is nothing serious. It’s easy enough to tell you not to worry, and awfully hard for you to do anything BUT worry, though do remember that statistically most breast lumps are not cancerous. What a shame it’s on your birthday, I hope you’ll look back on this one in a very different frame of mind next year. This is a safe, warm, friendly and supportive place to share whatever you’re feeling, most of us will be able to identify with your concern, and it’s also a good source of information, as are the other reputable cancer websites - but you have not been diagnosed with cancer, don’t have a horrid week waiting for a bombshell. If you do get bad news, time enough then to focus on whatever professional advice you’re given, and I hope very much that your results are good.
hi hayley,
sorry yr here. hope everything goes well on tuesday and u get the results many of us wished and prayed for. will say a wee prayer for u and be thinking of u over the next week.
good luck and god bless
maria
So sorry to hear you are in the waiting in anticpation stage - as many have said and more will say again the waiting is so difficult. I also agree that surfing the net and reading so much info can be a bad thing… although we all do it and we all scare ourselves rigid with the information we gather - I found my lump on the Saturday morning and had to wait til the Monday to see the GP … over that weekend I prodded the lump so often (just to make sure it was still there and hoping it had disappeared) and every time I had a poke about it seemed to get bigger … it started off on the Saturday am as the size of a pea by the time I got to the GP I was convinced it was about the same size as Edinburgh!
Aim to be in the 9 out of 10 who get the all clear and have a double celebration.
hi hayley
i found my lump on monday and have to wait until the 28th for brest clinic , i now exactly how you feel its bloody awful i’m sorry its on your birthday,
the waiting is the worst 11 more days for me i might just get the house spick and span by then, if i can get off the bloody internet lol,i’d be lost with out everyones help , like you i was refreshing constantly yesterday hoping for some advice before my mom came,but i told her anyway and i’m glad i did i feel a lot better.
still sh#t scared though!
chrissy x
also, i’ve been on the site face book for the first time and got in touch with my old friends,
its been really funny looking at old photos and stupid hairstyles,its helped no end,lol
chrissy x
Thanks for the facebook tip - I’ve just been searching for old friends / work colleagues and its fab! Nice to see good news and smile!
One day close to the 28th! Hope you are are feeling positive and encouraged by all the comments like I am! I might even tell my mum at the weekend following your comments about how it went ok. Stll think my mum will fall to pieces though and that will just make me cry more! Oh,. I don’t know what to do - Want a time machine to fast forward to Tuesday!!
Thankyou so much for all your suppport and kind words, after another day at work dragging by, and finding myself getting so frustrated with my colleagues trivial moans and groans it is so uplifting to read your kind words. I guess because I am keeping things to myself (which I thought was the best way until my appt) I cant expect people around me to understand how I am feeling but being in the “waiting game” sure does make you think very differently about things!
Thankyou again - I’m not sure what next week will bring but with all your comments I am trying to see the positives and be strong,
H
x
P.S - Ironing all done! Pinot Grigio in the fridge! (Thanks M-L)
Isnt it strange how peoples normal moans and groans really get to us at a time like this. I was exactly the same as you last year I had to have a Wide Local Excision and it was a nightmare waiting for the results, hopefully you wont need anything like that. I always tell people waiting to treat yourself to something nice, relaxing, like a facial or massage, even if it only works for a while it helps.
Heres hoping you have the best birthday present ever.
Hi Hayley
Can’t add much to what others have said, the waiting is always the worst through this, all I can say is stay positive no matter what is thrown at you .Good luck.
Mary
x
Thanks to you all for your messages and encouragement…
Tried to immerse myself in keeping busy and the facade of “Happy Hayley” which has taken its toll. Finding it really hard to keep focused on the positive side and tonight am just sat staring at the PC and doing yet more research which … I know … will worry me more! Fiance continues to worry (seemingly more than me) and refuses to accept that I even have a lump, asking me every morning and evening “has it gone away”.
Finding it hard tonight, the weekend just seems a vast space of time where I will have to hide my true feelings from friends, family and daughter (Amy 8). Cany stop thinking of a close friend whom lost her battle with breast cancer in Nov after being mis diagnosed twice. I know that this isn’t positive, I’m sorry, but she was so beautiful and went so quickly.
I’m sorry for being so negative, i’m just so scared and dont know who to talk to.
H
x
Hi Hayley
Its o.k.to be scared. I don’t think there is anyone on this site who has not been scared at some point. And we all seem to spend a lot of our time putting on a brave face to our family and friends and trying to re-assure them when inside we are almost falling apart.
I’ve wondered round the house, with tears running down my face, trying to keep myself occupied fearing the worse and wondering ‘what if…’ And as for the early hours of the morning…
Tuesday will come and with a mixture of feelings as its your birthday. Until then keep as busy as you can, do whatever you usually do to take your mind off things.
There are so many people on this site who will support you in everyway they can and really care about what you are going through.
Keep sharing, keep in touch.
Lots of love
Magsi x
Hi Hayley,
Just to let you know I thinking about you, the waiting is the worst, cos once you had it all done usually you still have to wait some more for other results if needed. There is always someone here to talk to,here,
Take care
Let us know how you get on
Dawn X
Hi all,
Well, another day almost over - blooming ridiculous wishing away time! Fiance’s out buying me birthday presents despite
my requests to wait until after my appointment - All seems a bit meaningless - so I am trying to keep busy! Struggle with motivating myself to do much that adds any value today so have just been reading so many threads of newly diagnosed BC’s and wondering if that will be me next week!
Hate myself for worrying and thinking the worse but cant stop myself! I’m so sorry if I am seeming to be “doom and gloom” when in fact I have no news, I never thought the waiting would effect me like this… my usual positive “glass half full” attitude gone - imagination runs riot doesn’t it? My backache, which I have had for months, along with chest pain, tiredness and the obvious seemingly enlarging lump get all muddled up to reasons for me to worry more when in fact I know that I am being silly!
I have just read what I have typed, and its a good job I did because I sound a right misery! - To all the brave and positive women, whose stories I have read on this site today I am sorry! I am going to stop being so ridiculous and instead of wishing away the weekend going to enjoy it. I’m going to nip out and get something nice for tea I think - (my fav - Steak, mushrooms and Asparagus) and open a good bottle of wine (another one! - got through a few this week!!) and then watch a bit of Sat night telly, always good for a laugh!
My thoughts and smiles to all out there who are awaiting their first appt! I’ll raise a toast tonight for good news for us all and try and not have another moan until after Tuesday!
H
x