Hi - I know this is an odd moan, but it’s preying on my mind at the moment. My relationship with my brother has deteriorated ever since his wedding (when he & his wife tried to get the money back on an expensive wedding present I’d given them, after asking if it was what they wanted). We have managed to be civil to each other, but he & his wife have never acknowledged my children’s birthdays (which my brother did before he was married) in any way, shape or form and Christmas is just when they next see the kids (March 2007 at a family wedding). There have been a hundred other small hurts, and I admit I have inadvertently made comments that have caused his somewhat sensitive wife some grief (saying bad things about Ikea decor caused trouble apparently as she is addicted to the place!), and I’m sure I have done other things too.
When I realised my brother and his wife were having trouble conceiving, I even seriously considered discussing with my OH the idea of surrogacy for them. However, I decided they had treated my children so appallingly, why on earth would I help them out?
My brother and his wife finally adopted 2 kids last August. I have never seen them. Last Xmas presents were posted for my kids for the first time. I returned the presents and left them on their doorstep. It was too little too late, and why should I buy presents for 2 children I’d never even seen? They only bought gifts so I’d feel obliged to buy for theirs. My daughter wanted to be a “good cousin” and bought the kids presents with her OWN hard-earned money. She was never thanked for it.
My brother lives 15 miles away from me.
When I realised I had BC, before knowing how bad it was (grade 3, 50mm tumour, chemo etc) I decided I would phone my brother and tell him, as my Mum felt unable to tell anybody else in the family because I’d expressly forbade her from telling him. It was a 20 second conversation. His reaction was “I’m sorry to hear that, thanks for letting me know. Goodbye”.
I have had absolutely nothing from him since, not a get-well card or anything. Apparently after some weeks he did make enquiries of Mum & Dad as to how I was doing, but that’s been the one and only time - and he got a really hard time from them for not being there to support them etc
The reason for my thread is this really, my family is very private and we don’t generally like things getting out. However, I feel my brother has behaved in a reprehensible manner and I no longer have one. Obviously, the extended family are unaware of the situation. I did start to open the box on this secret by talking to an aunt (who is also appalled at some things he has done to my dad over the years). I just feel I want the family to know the situation, and not have any expectations of me if and when my brother and I ever meet again.
Any ideas? Tips? Please don’t say forgive and forget - it’s far too late for that.