Hello, this is the first time I’ve posted! I was diagnosed with a Grade 2 lump and had a lumpectomy before christmas, and lymph nodes taken out for testing. Found out on Weds that they got all the cancer out, and that the lymph is clear. Obviously, I was elated. This is great news. They also said there’s a chance I won’t need chemo, just radio and tamoxifen, which given that they’d strongly lead me to believe I’d have chemo regardless, is a totally amazing and great surprise. I’ll find out next Tuesday what treatment will be. But anyway, since Wednesday I’ve been feeling sort of low and numb. I was expecting to be whooping with joy, but I don’t quite know where to put my feelings. I sense my husband is disappointed, and so am I. Is this normal? I’d love to hear from anyone who’s felt similar. Thanks so much. x
yes hun im afraid it is. i had a wle and snb on 1st dec 6mm lump clear margins and clear nodes mine was also tubular which is quite rare but about the best one u can get(if you know what i mean) i dont need chemo but started rads yesterday 14 more to go and letrozole for 5 years. i too feel quite low and its difficult to understand why really but according to the dr at christies yesterday this is quite normal and expected.
sue
hi dibber, I was diagnosed 1st June last year, grade 2, clear nodes, 2 operations, radiotherapy and tamoxifen, my biggest fear was chemo and when the oncologist said the benefits outweighed the cons, I was happy enough with that.
you will have these strange feelings, I am now contemplating returning to work which does scare me but it will give me normal back.
you can do this
take care hun
Carol xxx
Hi,as the others have posted ,the way you are feeling is normal.I think its because although the news was good it dawns on you that “yes you have cancer” But remember your news was good but its still a shock to realise you have the big “C” .I can remember feeling guilty for not being happy because mine was small and grade 1 (also tubular like tippys)but someone said to be there is no such thing as “cancer lite”
You still need to go through all the emotions,its normal.
Good luck on Tuesday,let us know how you get on.
Love n hugs
Dot
xxx
Dotchas, thats a good one Cancer Lite, its so true!!!
Cancer is cancer
love
Carol xx
Phew, I feel exactly the same. Diagnosed July, after my first screening mammogram (I’m 50) and had a segmental mx and SNB August. Nodes clear but margins negative. Mx with immediate reconstruction was prescribed, but couldn’t be done til all healed, and I had every complication under the sun. It gave me time to consider all options and in the end had bi-lateral with expandable implants early December. And then another haematoma which required emergency surgery.
I had 65mm high grade DCIS, invasive grade 1 tumour 8mm and multi-focal grade 2 mucinous tumours. Triple positive - ER+, Pr+, HER2+++ for the little grade 2s.
I’d been told after the first surgery in Aug that I would probably have chemo, but that no decision would be made until after the MX. Having MX meant no radiotherapy.
We met the oncologist this week and I was thrilled to be told that taking everything into account, my cancer risk is now very small and I don’t need to have chemo or Herceptin. Arimidex will reduce my cancer risk further. It was the best news I’ve had for such a long time. We celebrated.
So why did I feel so low yesterday? I think it must be the reality of the last 6 months beginning to sink in. I’m going through so many emotions. Even had panics about whether I should have chemo in case there’s a cancer cell in the scar tissue…!
It’s good toknow I’m not the only one feeling flat. Sorry for going on - I think I needed towrite it all down!
I was dx Dec 2008, had surgery Feb 2009 and results late Feb. Good news, no chemo, just rads and tamoxifen, but I felt bereft. I couldn’t work out why. Now I know it’s very common.
The articles by Dr Peter Harvey give an insight into this, so are very useful to read. cancercounselling.org.uk/northsouth/extra4.nsf/WebResHarvey?OpenView&ExpandAll&Count=500
I think we underestimate the impact a dx of cancer has and it takes a long time to work through all the emotions. I went back to work in November and I’m now feeling pretty good about things, but it has taken time, different hormone therapy and acupuncture to get to where I am now, so be patient and accept that what you are feeling is normal.
Sal x
Hi Dibber,
sorry to hear you are feeling so low, but as others have said, its completely natural and probably down to reality hitting you, now that the ‘emergency’ stage is over. It’s really sad that you have to go through this, but it is really common and will pass.
The link salopets has given is a really helpful one.
I hope you soon feel better and can enjoy a more optimistic new year
best wishes
monica x
on feeling low. I had last chemo on 28 dec start hormones tonight , cant wait for that one .felt better and on the up , until yesterday when I started to shout at my refelction in the mirror, who is tht fat ugly badger!!!, spent all day crying, but today, on the up agiain.stil got the ugly fat badger look but inside n
dont think the weather is helping making people feel isolated but on the up side my bank balance looks ok, as no shopping done
keep warm xx
Hi everyone.
As all of you ladies rightly said, we all feel down because we are suffering from cancer!
Whether the diagnosis is relatively good or gravely bad the fact is that we are so unlucky to have this horrible disease! Sorry if I sound morbid but I don’t buy the attitude of be positive, it is in the past now, so and so had BC umpteen years ago and she is still alive! Somebody said when she just heard my news, “These days having BC is just like having the flu so many women go through it!”
Of course we feel down it is a horrible disease and we are humans with feelings. BUT we are also brave. To be told that your lump is not benign and you need surgery is a big shock to the system. It will take a while to sink in. You go through so many different emotions. You will be on a roller coaster of emotions and why not? Release your shock, your disappointment and sometimes even your anger. It is good therapy to have a good cry. Believe me express your emotions whichever way you feel suitable to you, after all you are mourning a part of your body that is not going to grow back! BUT and it is a big but concentrate on YOU and let people around you help and pamper you. Accept any offers of help from family and friends whether it is walking the dog or getting your newspaper or just a chat.
Cheer up and think of all the friends that you made through this experience. I think of this Forum as part of my daily therapy that helps me a great deal. I can write about my true feelings even if they sound pathetic or silly to some people, knowing very well that I will be listened to and helped by people in the same boat as me.
I forgot to say that I had a Lumpectomy in Oct 2009 followed by a mastectomy the following Nov. Grade 2, 11mm tumour, clear nodes and no chemo or radio therapy but Arimidex for a few years. I think I am in a way lucky to escape both therapies but I feel sooooooo down most of the time. I was told by different professionals that it is normal.
Sorry for going on a bit. I feel better already. Thanks a million for listening.
Wow, I’m so overwhelmed by all your kind and thoughtful replies. I cannot stress how much I appreciate them, it’s wonderful. Thanks so much for being understanding and for reassuring me - I thought I was just a miserable cow! It’s all rather full on this whole cancer thing, isn’t it! I think my friends are more relieved about my surgery results than me, but I guess it’s because they’re not still stuck dealing with the after affects, treatment, doubts etc.
You’re all very inspiring. Thanks again everyone, with love and very best wishes,
Jo xxx
You’re totally allowed to be a miserable cow. Moo on!
I’m dx last December, done the whole lumpectomy (aggressive grade 3 no spread), chemo, resulting baldy bit, rads, and now on tamoxifen. It’s somewhat unbelievable how strangely this hits us, and we are all different. It takes a while to get over the treatment SEs and to sort out your emotions about it all. Don’t hesitate to get help if you feel bad, don’t feel guilty if you feel good, don’t forget that this is just another phase of your life story, it doesn’t define it.
Best advice I can give - think about how much you want your life to be good, then go and live it that way. Won’t prevent anything, won’t stop anything, but it makes it a damn sight nicer to be alive.
Cxx
I too am new to the forum and recovering from recent surgery, awaiting start of tamoxifen. And i know exactly how you feel. I think it was worse at New Year because last new year I had no idea that I had breast cancer and the reality of what can happen hit me the week after christmas. i think the great thing is that you - and we - are all talking about how we feel. My BC Nurse phoned yesterday and I was able to talk to her. She’s referring me to someone for me to talk to - not exactly a councellor but similar - and I think it might help to express how hard it is to deal with what has happened. I feel as though I coped with the diagnosis, surgery and recovery but now I’m facing living with what has happened and those around me can’t really fully understand how that feels. However - you all do know and it has been so helpful reading these posts. Many thanks.
I am very worried now after reading your posts. I was diagnosed September 09 and had right mastectomy October 09 with 8 lymph nodes removed. I was told no need for chemo, radiotherapy or drugs. I feel very uncomfortable with this. It’s as if they have told me, “there you go, you’ve had the surgery, now off you go”. I see the oncologist for the first time on 27th January but had to ask for the referral to her. My histology after the op was intermediate to high grade DCIS. I had two separate areas of 25mm and 20mm found on disection. Margins were good I am told. I hope I am going to be given the option of Tamoxifen or Arimadex. I am 48 years old.
Hi Aliguar
It’s all such a confusing worry isn’t it. I understand how you feel. Reassurance is really necessary, rather than being told ‘there you go, you’re done’.
The oncologist will go through everything with you - explaining the pathology and going through the pros and cons of different treatments which might be appropriate.
I was hugely relieved that I don’t have to have chemo (having Mx in my situation I knew there wouldn’t be a need for rads). Basically, I feel I’ve got chemo in reserve should I have a recurrence (see my post earlier). The deciding factor was the size of my tumours - the biggest was 8mm. The oncologist said with a tumour under 1cm, chemo isn’t usually needed/given. She also said that she’s very pro chemo generally, but really couldn’t justify me having it. This doesn’t stop me wondering whether I should have it though!
The key deciding point for Tamoxifen or Arimidex is whether the cells are oestrogen receptive, since these drugs act on oestrogen in the body.
What’s also bugging me is that we talked about the stats for me being alive in 10 years, but not about being alive in 10 years with secondaries - when I see her next I’ll quiz her on that one.
Basically I’m trying really hard to get some normality back in my life alongside all this - I went to work yesterday - and it helps.
Good luck with your appointment.
River
Hi Aliguar
Please feel free to call our helpline if you feel this would help, the number is 0808 800 6000 weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2. Our team of specialist nurses and trained helpliners are there to support you so please do call to talk things through.
Take care
Lucy (BCC)
I feel the same as the other ladies on here. I had a WLE/SNB in September, no node involvement, grade 2, stage 1. Have just finished radiotherapy and am on Femara. It was a struggle getting to the rads appointments because of the snow and ice before and after Christmas and I finally managed to have my last one on Friday.
I am worn out from this last struggle and feel quite low and sensitive this week. I thought I would be really pleased and relish having a rest. We are still snowed in (well, the car is), but I haven’t the energy to go for a walk in the snow, and I think being cooped up is not helping. I imagine it is a combination of this final effort, together with the side effects of rads, poor sleep and the fact that I have finished the immediate treatment, that is making me feel this way. Although I am not dwelling on it, or thinking depressing thoughts, I suppose it does catch up in the end, emotionally.
As someone else has said, this site is my counselling. Thank you, ladies.
Ann x