I was wondering if anyone is feeling like I am? I had a hideously stressful time over Xmas having had a dx and then a mastectomy and waiting for results from lymph nodes etc. I was SO scared during the whole ordeal but was told on Xmas Eve that I had no spread and of course I was incredibly relieved.
BUT…I now feel incredibly anxious. I cannot shift it. Daytime isn’t so bad but when night comes…boy…
I can’t seem to accept that that is it. Part of this is due to being misdiagnosed initially (told 2 and half years ago that bleeding from nipple was due to my being pregnant. It wasn’t as I found out last Nov) I can’t seem to trust the diagnosis now.
I’m scared they’ve missed something, scared that it will come back in my other breast, scared of feeling that total terror of my young boys (2 and 5) growing up without me - which WAS my biggest fear but shouldn’t be now.
What is wrong with me? I can’t seem to move on. Maybe it is just early days? I only had surgery 12th Dec.
I was dx in Nov and had surgery for wle sn biop plus full node clearance 14 all clear on 13 Dec. I know what you mean about feeling anxious. I spent all weekend trying to decide whether to have mastectomy or cavity shavings and needed to give me answer today - gone for mast in the end. But I wonder if the feeling we are having now is because we had the delay and had to put our feeling on hold because of Xmas - getting sorted out, buy pressies, etc. I really felt myself coming back down to earth from about 11 oclock on NY Eve. Happy New Year I dunno!!!
Can you not find out how long your cancer has been present that may help you one way or another?
Are you having anymore treatment?
I would say keep positive but the next person that says that to me I am going to poke in the eye.
I had my symptoms for two and a half years and was misdiagnosed - I assume the bleeding was a sign I had the cancer back then. So I have had a lucky escape - but that time lag definitely made me a lot more anxious at the time. I think Xmas is SUCH a bad time to go through this type of thing. I have my next mammogram just before next Xmas and I’m thinking: no thanks. I think I’m going to move it either forwards or backwards!
Good luck with the mastectomy. Why are they giving you one, if you are clear? Did they not get good margins? I went from : there’s nothing wrong to you’re having a mastectomy (no doubt if they had diagnosed earlier I would have had a lumpectomy and a lower grade cancer) so it was quite dramatic. Will you go for reconstruction? I didn’t because I had two young kids I wanted to be back for quickly though I do wish I had two breasts!
By the way, a mastectomy strangely doesn’t hurt. They give you paracetamol would you believe and we all know how useless that is!
i was diagnosed in Nov with grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma, had mastectomy on 13th Nov then had to wait for path reports - which showed 5/11 nodes affected - though previous scans had shown no spread to liver/lungs/bones. During that waiting period for path reports I went through every emotion possible, from ‘this can’t be happening to me I’m a healthy person’ to the other extreme where I was arranging my funeral and making sure my will was in order!
What you are experiencing is perfectly normal - if there is such a thing as normal lol.
You don’t say whether you have any further treatment to come following the mastectomy - I assume given no node involvement chemo will not be required? I am sure you can discuss your feelings with your BN - they are still there for you after treatment.
I don’t believe the anxiety ever completely leaves you - I am now approaching the last of 4 cycles of chemo, then have to have radiotherapy, followed by a further 4 x chemo, followed by ayear of herceptin. Even though the sensible person i me (who appears to keep going off and leaving me sporadically!) tells me that I can beat this, and all this treatment is not for nothing - I too have days where I wonder if I will see my 9 year go to high school, will I see my 21 year old get married later this year etc etc - but you do move on - it might be slowly, but you do believe me.
As you say it is still very early days for you - 6 wks or so after surgery - you need to give yourself time to come to terms with everything that has happened to you - that isn’t going to happen over night.
If you don’t feel able to discuss things with your BN perhaps the helpline here would be of use to you - where you could speak to someone who has been in the same situation - I realise it isn’t for everyone but it may help?
I hope you start to feel better soon - in the meantime keep posting and let us know how you are getting on - we are all here to support you through this
I am sorry you are feeling this way and wondered if you have considered Breast Cancer Care’s peer support service?
The telephone service aims to quickly put you in touch with one of our trained peer supporters, who has had a personal experience of breast cancer. Our peer supporters are from diverse backgrounds and ages and have experienced different types of breast cancer and treatments. They are ready to listen, offer skilled emotional support and share their experiences and understanding. For more information about this and other support available to you telephone our helpline on 0808 800 6000 or email:
The reason for the mast is because no clear margins and grade 3 didn’t feel I wanted to take risk of cavity shavings and not getting clear results again - hate all the waiting want to move on with my life and I have to have chemo & rads as it is.
I will have reconstruction eventually but want to get treatment out of way before I think about it too much.
Not too sure about recovery time with recon do you think you would consider this if you could carry on looking after your little ones without too much trouble. I work in a Playgroup and I know a happy parent means a happy child so maybe it could be a way for you to move on? Dunno no expert maybe a goal for the future.
I was dx 16th Dec and had to wait until 11thJan for the lumpectomy,was told it was in my nodes on my daughter’s birthday-16th Jan,started chemo on Valentines day and finished rads on my birthday in Oct.My yearly mammo was just after Christmas so I changed it last year to just before, which is much better as I don’t spend all the holiday worrying about it!
It is really early days and you cannot believe how you will get your confidence back. I trully understand what you are saying though. It is all scarytimes still for you but it DOES GET BETTER. I has another scare the other day (initial diagnosis May 2006) and they did an ultra sound to reassure me and said it was all fine. The nurse said many people don’t believe the results especially when it is good nes. You did n’t doubt the bad news was tue though. Did you?
And as for thinking positive- it is just not possible if you don’t feel positive at the time! It takes time to absorb it all. I cannot believe how I have regained confidence-still a way to go though.
Take care and keep bugging the Doctors- that’s what they are paid for.