Hi All
I am just coming to terms with my breast cancer diagnosis. I have been reading different threads on here and appreciate the different journeys people are on. I really wanted to reach out for some support in regards to preparing for what is to come… ie after diagnosed and scans. I am so scared to say the least, now that I have accepted and it has all sunk in I’m glued to google trying to find out every little detail of what might (might not) happen. It’s driving me crazy and taking away the life I’m supposed to be living pre treatment. Does anyone else feel like this? It’s almost like I’m a living zombie. Is there any helpful tips on what I can expect? I’m not even sure what I am asking myself. I just hate the not knowing! I hate that I have been held a prisoner to this illness. I hate that I can’t plan my life, my days, my life feels like it’s not mine anymore
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Hi @lifebegun1980
The not knowing and uncertainty is by far the most difficult part of this whole thing so I’m not surprised you are trying to figure out what to expect. I was exactly the same and also seemed to put life on hold. I’ve said many times that if I had to go back the one thing I would change would be to have lived my life as normally as possible. Easy enough to say with hindsight, I know.
As you already know, people’s experiences are very different. Some people have quite a straightforward plan, for others it is more challenging and complex. I’m sure when you know what your treatment plan is people who have had similar will be happy to share to help you know what to expect. x
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Thank you so much @southwest123 for your kind words. I have an appointment for an MRI scan tomorrow. I hear what you dare saying about living a full life.
These words encouraged me to book my usual Pilates class and I am going to try my best to keep being me until a new me emerges and u will think about that when I need to. For now I’m still ‘me’ and I have cancer but I’m ‘me’ with cancer. Feels weird writing this and saying this to myself at the same time.
I wish you all the best and I will keep posting and reading threads on here as this has been a lifeline for me for the last couple of days.
All my love
Selina
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That’s great, Selina. Being active will definitely help too. I hope it all goes okay for you tomorrow and, remember, we are all here if you need to chat. x
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Hi Selina, first let me reassure you that what you are feeling is completely normal, we’ve all been there, terrified, over imagining, dreading each appointment, waiting for results. I can also tell you that this is the worst part - the waiting and the not knowing. Google is not good for you and that’s from one who read it all, but then I found out it wasn’t all the doom and gloom I’d read, people don’t bother to post the good stories.
Once all the test results are back and you’ve been given a treatment plan it gets a bit easier. I’m not saying it’s easy but you tend to put you head down and say let’s get it done. Take one step at a time, concentrate on the first part of your plan and getting that over with, then onto the next part. You cannot manage them all at the same time. I don’t know if you are going to tell people or not, but you do need support, different people find different types work for them. The one definite piece of advice I give is to get those drowning thoughts out of your head - if you have a support buddy you can talk to then talk to them or do as I did and keep a journal. I wrote in mine every night, got out all my fear, anger, hopes, despair. I read some of it back recently and boy was I angry but I found this got it out of my head. You can always burn them afterwards or keep them, entirely up to you. I have my two year from diagnosis mammogram next month and still occasionally write in my third journal. You also can always come on here, we all understand and believe me we’ve all said the most stupid things or asked the most stupid questions but there’s always someone who’ll say I did that, or I asked worse than that. There’s always someone to wipe your tears, soothe your anger, make you laugh or simply put an arm round you. Please don’t struggle on your own. Sending a gentle hug. x
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Dearest @nannabee thanking you immensely for your kind and thoughtful words. I imagine we are all going through tough times here and I am so touched by the love, affection and nurture this community extends to others (wiping a tear now). The journal sounds like a great idea, I’ve been journaling for years but it’s all manifestations and I felt tearful at the thought of picking that up again. But I’m going to start a new journal tmrw, will pick it up on my way into hospital. This one will no doubt be different but it will be something I can share all my thoughts, fears and anger with.
I feel so angry sometimes, I’m a single mom who remarried two months ago after 12yrs of being single! My husband is the most supportive but I feel angry that he is having to go through with this with me (he did not sign up for this). As a south Asian woman cancer is seen as the end of life illness. I feel ashamed to even talk about it with family and friends. I have great friends out side of my community whom I have connected with and getting a lot of support. I’ve only chosen to tell a handful of people as I get anxious about having to answer questions and the dreaded ‘how long have you got to live question’.
I may be wrong but I’m just scared to speak to people I know and I really don’t know where this fear comes from. I look at my boys every day and wonder will one around for their next milestone, I have not been nice to myself nicely and I would dare not speak to others how I’ve been speaking to myself recently.
I appreciate every word you have shared and I cherish them all in my heart.
I pray your mammogram goes well, and I’m sending you the warmest hugs
All my love
Selina
As others have said - this is all completely normal. You will go through many different stages & feelings.
My Macmillan Nurse gave me some of the best advice - DO NOT USE DR GOOGLE! I only use this site or Macmillan however tempted I am to look elsewhere.
Best wishes & definitely keep up the Pilates xx
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Thank you @carols89 today I do solemnly declare no more google for me! I don’t know why I’ve been googling every trivial thing lately and it’s honestly made me feel sick before I even get really sick with all the treatments I’ve been reading about.
I’m going to get back on track, try and keep busy, go gym as I have been doing so and just put some calmness back into my life before it all gets chaotic again. As I have been saying in all my replies I am touched by the love, care and affection in this community. I am sending you the warmest hugs and wishing you all the best in your journey.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me, it’s appreciated greatly
All my love
Selina
Selina make sure you buy the prettiest journal in the shop, you deserve it. Will be thinking of you x
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