3 years today since getting on the roller-coaster and i actually feel worse than i did immediately after finishing treatment. the euphoria has worn off, i was just about coping through a really unsupportive return to work, then i got another health problem which though not serious was extremely painful and took ages to get dealt with. just at the same time i went for my check-up and got called back…it turned out to be nothing but the anxiety was awful, and now i can’t get it to switch off. i’ve started monitoring myself for symptoms, and of course the more i worry the more symptoms i get…then a few mornings ago i had a flashback and thought i was waking up in the recovery room again. i’m seeing the psychologist and getting help, but the anxiety is making my life hell at the moment…has anyone else gone through this phase?
Hi catkin, Yes me too! i am 2 1/2 years since i was diagnosed and i still get awful panic attacks. I also didn’t have any support when i returned to work which also didn’t help and as a result of this i had to leave. I feel so angry inside and when people say how well i look that annoys me too as people think your cured and its all over!
I am so much more outspoken than i use to be and i don’t really like the person i have become. did it make you feel angry? Helenxx
Hi catkin19,
What is PTSD?
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER
Thanks.
Oh gosh I am so glad to read this-I am 2 and a half years from dx and get awful panic attacks which take me by surprise-I have thought I was going maad at times.
Hi all
Most of the time I’m fairly upbeat but then I have days like today where I just don’t want to talk to anyone. The window cleaners came earlier and I lurked upstairs behind closed curtains until they’d gone because I just couldn’t be bothered. But I think that’s normal behaviour for everyone at times.
Sometimes though it all just gets too much, doesn’t it, and you ask yourself will you ever feel normal again. No is the answer.
Good luck to us all.
Maureenhavinganoffday. xx
Dear Maureenhavinganoffday,
Unfortunately, you are spot on. We are changed forever by our experiences and I can honestly say that I haven’t felt really ‘normal’ since I was diagnosed with met BC and I don’t think I ever will now.
Looking back, after having months of tests before I was told that my problems were all due to stage IV BC, I was given tamoxifen, I responded to that little pill and I felt fantastic, hot flushes and all! I was so euphoric I was referred to the psychologist/psychiatrist to make sure I wasn’t going to be hit bad by PTSD. Well, all I can say is that that time was wonderful and I loved everyone and everything! I will never forget those feelings but eventually, everyday life caught up with me, reality kicked it and I realised that I really am stuck with this disease. So, I also have plenty of off days. It’s all a pile of pants really, isn’t it?! But if it is possible to find something positive to say, it is that these off days make me get my head out of the sand and make some choices about how I want to live.
Once you have a bad diagnosis, you ‘feel’ life like you’ve never felt it before and when I hear of people with MS or carrying a gene for a neurodegenerative disease waiting for the time bomb, I realise that our feelings and worries are shared by many others too. We are not special and we are not alone.
Thankfully, I have so far, escaped PTSD, and I can only imagine how scary it is. Catkin19, I hope the psychologist gives you plenty of help. At whatever stage we are at, I’m surprised that more people don’t get PTSD. Good luck,
Anne xxx
i finished treatment in october and went back to work full time in Janaury. As well as bc, i lost my dad so have had one hell of a year. I was trying to do some healthy things in my life such as giving up smoking and eat less junk food ( also dx with osteoporosis last week)but after a week of this i have just fallen apart. I was constantly in tears and so depressed ( i had depression before bc and already on anti depressants)that i gave in and smoked and ate crap again. i do not want to be like this but cannot see a way of doing it that does not make me unable to cope.I have to work and I can’t if in that state. Any ideas would be gratefully received?
Rachxxx
hi all
like you rachy, i have had a hell of a year. was dx with kidney cancer in july, had kidney removed in aug, lost my mum very suddenly in nov and presently my dad has been in hospital for 5 weeks.(also had bc in 2005 and got divorced after 29 years)i had to return to work recently after 10 months out sick and was finding it all just too much, felt like a jinx and was worried about everything and everyone(?PTSD). my occupational health dept(work in NHS) referred me to a clinical psychologist and so far, so good. feels good just to be honest, laugh, cry and just be me with nothing held back. i would seriously recommend it if its at all possible to any one in our situation.
take care
annie x
hi Catkin,
I agrre with evryone you are changed person after going through what we have all been through.
I had counselling through macmillan 2 years past DX and all i did was ball my eyes out over my mum who died 15 years ago!! I think it just brings back all the worst things that have happened.
Even now another 2 years on i still have panic attcks and think i’m not going to cope with another day, but other days i just get on with it.
O.H. doesn’t know whether he’s cominhg or going sometimes with my mood swings. ( then again it keeps him on his toes)!!
keep your chin up and remeber to have a good rant and moan every now and again, it does you good
marg
xxx