Hi All
I wrote a few days ago about my first annual review coming up, and having found another lump.
I am going on wednesday for my check up, but for the last couple of days, I just can’t stop crying!!!
I keep self diagnosing and imagining the worst, and don’t know how I would cope with it all again. I didn’t think i would cope with it the first time but I did.
My OH tells me to think “positive” and sure it will be nothing, but I remember being naive last year and thinking the very same, and here I am a year on with very little hair and a constructed boob!!!
I keep having silly thoughts about not seeing my kids grow up, and don’t even want to plan a holiday for next year.
I truly cannot wait until wednesday is over, but it seems ages away.
I don’t want to have to sit in a room waiting for the doctor to come and then dread the news that he is going to give me. It is bringing so many bad memories back from last year.
At 35, I keep thinking will I see to 36!!!
Well now the moan is over I am so sorry if I have touched any raw nerves with any of you, but can you all keep everything crossed for me for wednesday.
You poor love - it must be so hard for you, you are going through everyones bad dream. I am lucky my children have grown, I don’t think I would have found it as easy to cope if I had little ones to worry about. Wednesday will come and I’ll keep every thing crossed for you.
If you would like some further support during this difficult time please feel free to contact our helpline on 0808 800 6000. Our helpliners are either specialist breast care nurses or people who have had personal experience of breast cancer so will have an understanding of how you feel right now. The team can talk to you about other forms of support we can offer such as ‘Peer support’ and ‘Live chat’ if you feel it would help, or can just provide a ‘listening ear’. The helpline opens Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
Oh my goodness. That is a nightmare. Yes my love I will think of you and keep everything tightly crossed for Wednesday. Have a big hug. Do let us know how it goes.
So feel for you and your worries - and don’t blame you not wanting to go in that room again. I’m keeping eyes crossed and everything else for you (might be a problem on the school run this afternoon though!).
I am so sorry to hear that you have been so tearful.
I am not going to say keep positive because just a few weeks ago I was where you are now. Keeping positive when you can feel a lump is easier said than done. It is ‘done’ for everyone else but not yourself. Well I don’t think you are having silly thoughts about your future, this is all part of that awful awful journey.
I believe fearing the return of the cancer is worse when you find those lumps, but perhaps you can hang on to what I hoped, that the lump is scar tissue.
When on 17th August I felt my new lump I was a week away from my six month check up. I knew it was the cancer returned and this was confirmed on 23th August.
But hey ,do you know what 2 and a half months later I am back in control of my emotions and truly feel very upbeat (today anyway) I had to have further surgery and tomorrow I will know if I will be having Herceptin or Chemo or both. I went for a scan and luckily there is no detectable spread. Whilst waiting for the scan and surgery I suddenly thought 'Hey, I can do nothing about this cancer working in my body but I can do something about the treatment I receive, I managed to speed up the scan and surgery and this gave me a sense of achievement.
I don’t want go on about me, I just want to send hugs and as daft as it might seem I send you the kind of peace I am feeling at the moment.
Take care
I truly hope the lump turns out to be scar tissue or a cyst.
I went for my appointment yesterday, the consultant asked me why I was there (no consulting with beast care nurse), when I explained he had a good old grope round, and said there was nothing to worry about, it felt like the end of the implant probably pushing on something.
When I asked “are you sure?” he said of course and there was truly nothing to worry about.
I came home cracked the champers open that I have had since december and felt relieved.
So…why today do I not feel happy about it?
I think its perhaps I felt I would have further checks rather than just taking his word for it.
They don’t want to see me for 6 months… but I was told I would have a mammogram on my other one when I was last there, now they tell me it is every 2 years…
Oh well, suppose I just have to get on with it, and keep thoroughly checking every now and again.
Hi Angie,
Hope you are feeling better and a little more reassured now. It’s terrifying to feel a ‘new lump’ and I can totally empathise with you, especially how you felt afterwards.I felt a lump below my WLE scar a couple of months ago, whilst I was still on chemo! I had convinced myself it was another tumour and when the onc poked and prodded it and announced it was likely that it was scar tissue I felt relieved. But like you I later felt very down and not altogether convinced that more tests shouldn’t have been done.But, as my OH pointed out, the onc has so much experience of these things and could probably spot a ‘bad’ lump a mile off. It’s hard to trust again I think, after all our own bodies have let us down in some respects so why shouldn’t others? But this is something we will have to live with. I’m finding it very difficult to self examine at the moment ~ am too scared of what I’ll find. So I talked to the onc and she suggested I have a physical check done at the hospital every 3 months or so by a professional. This has certainly helped to ease my fears, knowing that I’m not just relying on myself .Also there will be less opportunities for me to drive myself mad with self~diagnosis! Anyway hope you perk up
Take care
Margaret