Really scared & struggling ...looking for anyone going through similar to hold hands.

Hi everyone …Thursday had my biopsy results of a sort as the surgeon was on holiday for a week so I dont get to see him till next week. Had a painful biopsy the previous week & they told me the worst. Had to go back for pathology results 2 days ago (thursday) which showed I need mastectomy, chemo & rads. Ive opted not to have recon as Im terrified of surgery at the best of times without making it worse. Whilst I was there they wanted to do another biopsy ( vacum) as they didnt get the full picture the previous week. I cried the whole way through it, Im a right old wuss. Now I cant get my head round the whole journey ahead, cant eat or sleep, Im such a wreck.


If theres anyone in a similar situation or been through it Id love to hear from you.


Jenny ~

Hi Jenny,
You are certainly not alone with this, we’ve all been through this to varying degrees & do get through it.
What you’re feeling at this stage is common to most of us, so you’re not a wuss at all. The early days of diagnosis are a huge shock & it takes a while to come to terms with things.
Having meltdown days is quite usual, I remember bursting into tears on the nurse in the pre op clinic & getting very upset when I thought I would be late for my mri scan.
Don’t worry about getting your head round it. I found it helped to just concentrate on the next appointment & to not think to far ahead, as otherwise, the mind goes into overdrive on the ‘what ifs’ & imagining the worst in trying to fill in the gaps.
It does settle down when the treatment plan is confirmed & you know where you’re going with it all.
ann x

Hi Jenny, as Ann says what you are feeling now is completely normal and all part of the process of acceptance at what’s happening.  It’s so hard to take in initially and your still in the phase where your hoping someone will say it’s all been a big mistake!!


Weve all been where you are now and I know nothing much we can say will suddenly make you feel better but I hope if you read through some of the threads you can take some comfort in knowing it does get better, we accept and deal with it and life carries on, as hard as it seems at the minute you will become one of those ladies who can talk confidently about their experience and will be reassuring others before you know it! Xx Jo 

Hello Jenny, don’t feel a wuss, being diagnosed is a huge thing in our lives and having a good cry helps relieve the tension, upset etc. 


Talk to your Bc nurse, read the pages on here and one before going into hospital is the ‘what to take thread’ very useful.


Ask whatever questions you want on here and someone will be able to answer reassure or hand hold you through the process. 


It it is not a good place but you will get through it, thinking of you xx

You are far from a wuss lovely. Its scary and in the first few weeks, if you are anything like me my head was a complete shed!. You will get your head around it. Talk to people, pick the brains of the Breast care Nurse, be kind to yourself, eat well and rest. If you need time off work (sorry) then take it. This is a rollercoaster ride. I dont blame you for not have reconstruction as I dont think I could put myself through it either. Keep using the forum. x



Hi Jenny, I went for a mammogram and ultrasound on the Thursday before Easter.  They also did a biopsy, although that wasn’t planned.  I was then told that I had BC, would need surgery, chemo and radiotherapy.  The worst thing was having to spend the Easter weekend without anyone to talk to and no further information.  Last Wednesday I went for my biopsy results, and I have a further appt next week to discuss the results of the HER2 test.


I have been told that a therapeutic mammoplasty is advised, which is quite a big op, but hopwfully will give positive results.  What I wanted to say to you is what a relief it is to have had the results appointment.  I feel so much better informed and more able to get my head around it.  I am now beginning to tell people, and they have been so supprtive.


I have really appreciated the fantastic advice offered by the lovely ladies on this forum, as well as their kind words.  You will get through this, and feel free to ask as many questions as you want.


My op is booked for 8th May, but I might need chemo first.  Do let me know what your plan is when you get it.



Rictina, sorry you find yourself here. Receiving a cancer diagnosis sucks like nothing you have ever experienced so allow yourself to have meltdowns as your brain is processing a lot of information.  I was diagnosed just over a year ago age 48 and had to have chemo, mx, rads.  I was stage 3 at diagnosis so I “had the book thrown at me”.  I’ve just been on holiday for the first time in over a year and life is feeling good again.  Once you have your treatment plan in place you can join the “going through treatment” threads to network with others going through the same.  I found this really helpful.  Sending hugs and here is my story which you can hold hands with for comfort. Xxx

Hi Rictina,

Another newbie here but not new to the cancer thing as I’m on my second time for that. Can’t say about chemo as I’ve not started that yet but I’ve had the mastectomy at the end of February and it was all fairly easy and pain-free. I went back to work a couple of weeks later (I was unable to have reconstruction). Fingers crossed it’ll be the same for you. Just make sure when your in the hospital you get any visitors to bring you decent coffee!

Sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I had chemo and a single mx with no recon and am now 2 thirds of my way through radiotherapy. It’s incredibly scary at first but it is doable. Don’t be afraid to ask your breast care team about absolutely anything.
Jenny I too had a vacuum biopsy. I was such a wuss I asked the doctor doing it to load me up with local anaesthetic. She put 4x as much as she would normally use. Worked great though I didn’t feel a thing!

Mai7 sorry to jump in. I’ve just read some of your blog…a great source of support and info for somewhere down the line…so will come back to this at a appropriate time. Did you have a reconstruction at all? Sorry if I’m being too intrusive. You’re a good writer and so many feelings are the same for everyone I’m now realising. Good luck Rictina, I’m new to this too. Thanks, Tropic_al

I was told I had cancer yesterday and I literally can’t eat and I feel so sick! We are in it together… I feel exactly the same xxx

Hi Ltrimnell,
I’m new here too, about a week and a half since diagnosis. It’s such a massive shock isn’t it? I’m waiting for my appointment tomorrow to find out about treatment and the waiting is so hard. Everyone on here is lovely and I’ve found it such a help even in a very short time. We can beat this! xxx

Hi keeprunning and ltrimnell. I’m sorry you find yourself on here. Trust me finding thus forum was the best thing I did. I got so much support and advice. Also I now have life long friends. See some good things can come out of all this.
You’ll feel a lot better once you have your treatment plan as you’ll have something to focus on and it’ll be getting rid of it with each step. I had chemo, single mx and radiotherapy. Finished last week. Don’t worry too much about starting your treatment it won’t be as bad as you think it’s going to be. It’s totally doable. Any questions or concerns you have just post a message on here and someone will be able to help.
Sending ? hugs x

Hi Appletree,
Going through all of this is certainly daunting, so it’s hardly surprising you feel the way you do.
There are others here who’ve had to deal with this when living alone & hopefully will see your post to share experiences.
The issue of family & friends responses, not always being what you would expect, is fairly common to most of us. Sometimes people mean well, but get it wrong, others can be insensitive or preoccupied with their own feelings about it, or others can back off. In contrast, others can come through for you in unexpected ways.
As ever, it’s doing what you need to do to get through & doing what is helpful to you, in spite of others, at times.
I’m sure you’ve looked at this already, but is there any local volunteer support or groups you can access? Your bcn would know what’s available & you’ve got us here virtually, of course.
Sending hugs
ann x

Hi Appletree
I’m glad your surgery went well.
I totally understand how you feel about chemo. I had no idea what to expect and everyone reacts slightly different. The best advice I can give is to take it one step at a time. Thinking too far ahead can cause you to feel more anxious. Everyone fears chemo but generally turns out to to be as bad as you think.

It’s good your BCN is going with you to your appointment. Breast Cancer Care have something called ‘Someone like me’ where they pair you up with someone who has been through a similar experience. They can then provide a lot of support. Plus you can come on the forum anytime you want and ask anything.
Best wishes for your results appointment x

Hi apple tree. I know the anxiety you are feeling I am just the same. Take a look in the going through treatment thread and surgery April 2018. Myself and Jem are feeling exactly the same as yourself. And Helena a champion on here nipped next door to the chemo thread and ask if anybody could pop into our thread and give us some support as Jem and I were yesterday going through a bit of tough time. Within minutes these ladies were there and giving us there advice and experience. If you feel go take a look it has helped me and thankfully today the anxiety gremlins have gone away. I hope it helps and take care.

Hi Helena. Thank you for asking those ladies to come to the surgery thread. Was very good to read having read several times. Still can’t say it’s something I look forward to but it is doable and that’s what matters I think. And as said I am thinking to far ahead and my onco score may come back low so unnecessary stress and anxiety. Thank you again and today is a better day positivity is back with me just hope she stay with me and another week gone by and got through it. Bit bumpy but I have got through it. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Hi Appletree

Glad your surgery went OK, did you find the pillow on the journey back useful?! Like you, I can’t take morphine, codeine or Fentanyl as they lower my blodd pressure and I pass out. I managed thro my three WLEs and mx with paracetamol and ibuprofen when needed but wasn’t in extreme pain at any time. I also have ME and have battled it for many years. I was borderline for chemo as altho my nodes were clear, it was a Grade 3 invasive cancer and highly ER+. I took the decision not to have the chemo after discussing it with the onc. They will probably use a computer model to give you an idea of how having or not having chemo may affect your life expectancy over 5 and 10 yrs. In my case it would only improve my chances by 2% and I was more likely to die of old age (I was 62 when diagnosed in 2015). Because of the ME and a bowel problem I also had the onc agreed that the SEs may well outweigh the benefits. You may have had the Oncotype test too but it wasn’t available on the NHS at that time. I’m sure your onc will have a good discussion with you about chemo but at the end of the day it is your decision. Try to take each day at a time but I know only too well how hard the waiting is. Sending hugs, Francine

Hi ladies,   I was diagnosed on 3 April and can completely get how you are feeling.   Its as if I am in a sick dream that I will eventually wake up from.  I can be completely came and resigned one second and then in tears and on my knees the next. I am still awaiting a treatment plan, was due a single MX tomorrow but am still awaiting test results so that may be shifted in place of chemo.   Can’t believe this is happening as I feel so well at present… be strong, the positive responses on here really help.  I find I need to read them every so often just to pick myself up and keep going.  Having a son just starting his GCSEs is probably teh worst timing in teh world but he is being amazing and a beautiful 13 year old daughter holding my hand and telling me she will love me “boobless or hairless” helps too. 

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