Hi I have been recently diagnosed with a grade 3 tumour. Luckily was very small and had a lumpectomy with breast reconstruction. I know I have to have radiotherapy and hormone treatment and am waiting for results of oncotype dx test as to whether I need chemo as I am borderline. The thing I’m struggling with is that my boyfriend is being nasty with me as I just don’t feel like having sex. He says that now the cancer has been removed I don’t have cancer anymore and I think he expects me to get back to normal. I wondered if this is normal from men as I think he’s being insensitive. I would appreciate any support as I’m quite distressed about this.
Dear Flowergirl,
I’m so sorry you are having this problem right now. I can’t help but wonder how your b/f would feel if he’d just had a devastating diagnosis, followed by surgery and you became demanding about sex.! Thankfully, not all men are like this. Is it possible that he might read a booklet from this site?
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/in_it_together.pdf
If so, it may make him change his attitude. However, if not, I’m wondering how supportive he will be while you are undergoing radiotherapy or possibly even chemotherapy. I was diagnosed in December 2012, and had treatment last year. I’m certainly nowhere near to being ‘back to normal’ whatever that is. I know a lot of women would think carefully about carrying on this relationship if it is based on sex alone. But that is your business, nobody elses. But you don’t need him being nasty with you while you are feeling so fragile, and further treatment might only make you feel more so.
poemsgalore xx
You need to put yourself first. He obviously doesn’t understand the enormity of your diagnosis and treatment. Perhaps chatting to your nurse will help. But you should only have sex as and when you feel like it. I really hope you sort things out. But you are the important thing at the moment and the foreseeable future xxxx
Good luck today flowergirl. Go with your gut feeling, if I had been given the choice of chemo or not I would still have taken it, you know you’ve thrown everything at it then. And good luck with talking to your boyfriend, hopefully he’ll realise he’s being a little insensitive and you’ll sort things out xx
My boyfriend was with me when I was told I have cancer.
I got all the leaflets and gave them to him. He didn’t read them. he kept saying everything will be alright.
When he was coming to the hospital to collect me after my op he said it suddenly hit him I have cancer.
His being in denial was very difficult for me. But he is now more involved but terrified of giving advice about treatment. So it’s still my decisions.
Only you know what your relationship is like. There is help out there for him, but he has to want the help.
Good luck