Recently diagnosed...can't cope with the waiting.

Hi everyone

Well I was diagnosed with breast cancer on 14th July then had WLE and SNB on 26th July. I am now waiting for the follow up appointment. I am absolutely terrified as my BCN asked on the phone whether I was bringing anyway with me to the appointment. It makes me think it will be bad news!!

I am 30 years old and without a partner or children, I am so worried I will not get to do all the things I want to in life like marrying and having kids. All my friends are busy thinking about other things in life and although they have been very supportive, I feel so isolated.

I had been really positive about everything for the first few weeks but in the last few days it has really hit me. I don’t know how I will cope with the follow up appt. It has become a huge mountain to me. Does anyone have any advice how to cope on the day or the night before?

Hi there hibiscuslady

Firstly, welcome to the forums, you will find lots of support and information here.

The feelings you’re experience are normal and not at all unusual and I’m sure there will be lots of advice and tips from other users to support you.

You might find a call to the Helpline useful, they can point you to other sources of information and support, they’re also great listeners.

They’re open until 2pm today and 9-5 on Weekdays.

The number is 0808 800 6000.

Kind regards.

Louise
Facilitator

oh hi, gosh you have managed to get this far on your own,that is such an acheivment, I had the screaming hab-dabs from the moment i found a lump. Well I didnt scream, i was locked in this surreal bubble.

It would be nice to think that the breast nurses remark about coming alone was a routine question. But you heard the way she said it and would be able to judge that.

so it is just possible that they are not going to sign you off with no furthur treatment. Whilst that would be disappointing if you had hoped the op was going to be an end of it it might not be devastating news.

Some people learn that the margin was not clear and they need another op to get all the cancer out. It might be that the SNB showed that they need another operation to get some nodes out. It could just be that the cancer cells were a different sort and you need a course of radiation treatment to clear them, it could be all sorts of reasons…or it could just be that the cancer nurses routinely check that people are not alone on results appointments.

I was devastated on my results day because i was convinced that my cancer was slow growing and i woud be saying goodbye after the op and it turned out there was invasive cancer in there as well so I needed radiation and hormones. The surgeon could not understand my reaction , he kept saying, but you dont need chemo. He is right, its not that bad compared to what the outcome could be, but it was a blow at the time.

How to cope with the days waiting for the appointment. Some people say keep busy, but that did not work for me. As horrid as it is I think the best way to cope, is to stop trying to cope. To be scared and accept that although it is not logical to feel like this it is quite natural, and as bad as it is it is going to end.

I realy would have thought that if your cancer was advanced enough for you to be thinking that you might not have a normal life once you have finnished treatment then there would have been some clues before now and you would have been warned before your operation that the outcome was not going necesserily be good, nowadays they give you all the bad news as soon as they know.

Everyone says that once you know the full diagnoses and treatment it is so much better. That may sound hard to believe now but it is true.

As to your young friends being supportive but not really understanding, well everybody on here understands and is here for you . So come back as often as you need

What a bummer that you should join us when you’re so young.

If you don’t have anyone to bring with you, the BCN will probably sit in on the meeting so she can explain everything to you afterwards if you need that, and that may well be the reason for her asking whether you’re bringing someone with you, not a signal that there’s anything particularly nasty to come.

Coping before appointments? I stuck my fingers in my ears and sang “la la la I can’t hear you” until the night before the results appointment, then spent that morning climbing the walls. I took OH’s dog out for a loooong walk on the common, as I could rant and scream and cry without having to worry about people hearing me. Other people do housework and end up with their houses absolutely spotless!

Without doubt the waiting is the worst, but let’s look at some of the things they MIGHT be telling you.

Firstly, when you have a core biopsy you are given a preliminary diagnosis - type of cancer, grade, size, that kind of thing. After surgery, when they have the whole thing there rather than just pictures and samples, these things can change. For example, I was told initially that it was Grade 2 IDC, 16mm, hormone positive, but after surgery they discovered it was Grade 3, had bits of DCIS and LCIS in it as well, and was HER2+. But it was only 13mm and not 16mm. That meant that where I had first thought I’d get away with just rads and hormones, I ended up needing that plus chemo plus Herceptin.

I was also told before surgery that because of the nature of the beast around 20% of people don’t get clear margins. This is where they take out a rim of clear non-cancerous tissue all around the tumour, to make sure they’ve got it all. In this instance they may need to go back in and whip out some more. Had that one too! Sometimes when people are told the margins weren’t clear the surgeon may even recommend mastectomy rather than a re-excision (going back in to take some more), but I couldn’t tell you how many or what your own surgeon will say because it is a very individual thing and depends so much on what they found when they went in.

Depending on your surgery, you may get the results of the SNB. I was fortunate in that they knew those results while I was still under anaesthetic, but that technique isn’t available everywhere, so you may also get told those results. The nodes that were taken will have been examined under the microscope very thoroughly to see if they had traces of cancerous cells in them. If they did, then you’re almost certainly going to be recommended chemo, and from what I’ve learned on here and in the NICE guidelines that will be something you might read on here as TAX. It’s a gold standard treatment, but it’s pretty tough to go through for many people.

If nodes are positive, depending on how many they took and how affected they were, you may be offered further surgery to remove more nodes, and possibly scans to check other parts of your body.

But it is ALL manageable. Absolutely crap, but manageable, even if you get the full works.

I think I’ve covered most of the options. I don’t want to scare you, it’s all scary enough as it is, but I think that lot above is generally what happens. Other ladies will no doubt jump in if I’ve missed anything.

In order to prepare for your meeting, I suggest you get hold of a notebook and write down a list of questions that you want to ask, leaving space to write the answers. Some of the questions might end up being irrelevant, but at least if you plan what you want to ask, you will feel like you’re doing something worth doing in the run-up to the meeting. It also helps to write down all the answers you are given, so that you can refer to them afterwards and also to help to “pace” the meeting, as sometimes it can feel completely overwhelming.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. If you’re concerned enough to wonder about it, it’s a valid question and can be asked. Either on here, to the helpline, your BCN or your surgeon.

If you’re looking for things to keep yourself busy, take a look at the Look Good Feel Better website, so you know about something nice that you can do during the next lot of rubbish that cancer throws at you. Also make sure you’ve got your prescription exemption form from your GP’s surgery, so you are entitled to 5 years free prescriptions for anything, not just stuff associated with cancer.

Some people have gone to their GP to get help with sleeping. Your doc will probably prescribe you a couple of days’ sleeping pills just to help during the waiting, as lack of sleep can be another torture and the middle of the night can be the worst time.

Think that’s about it, but most importantly, have a huge virtual hug from me, this is a horrible disease that none of us wanted, but we’re here for you at any time for you to offload on.

CM
x

Hello Hibiscuslady,

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I understand your fears and worries. I’m 33 and in a slightly different position as I got married a year and a half ago - but were planning for babies just when I got diagnosed (in fact, we have moved to the middle of nowhere in preparation for our family! So now I’m stuck, on my own every day while my husband’s at work, miles away from family and friends!!).

We’re at the age when everyone’s getting married and having babies and getting to the “grown up” part of their lives and suddenly there’s a huge question mark over the future. Obviously my first priority is to try and beat this cr*ppy disease. But I can’t imagine a future without a family if I do. But as I’m ER+ I’m not sure that it would be reccommended for me to carry a baby even if I keep my fertility. All very upsetting. There have been lots of threads on here with young women in a very similar situation to you. Take a look on the Younger Women’s threads. There are some positive tales from ladies who were diagnosed at the same age who did go on to marry and have children.

I was diagnosed on 23 May and went straight into chemo. I was in a really bad place until I went on the BCC Younger Women’s Forum and met other girls in their late 20s and early 30s and suddenly didn’t feel quite so alone or as though nobody understood. I’ve kept in touch with some of the girls - and unfortunately have met other young ladies since, in the same situation. Many of them don’t have a partner or children either.

I don’t think there’s anything too awful they could tell you at the appointment - they’ll probably be going through your pathology report and will discuss the size of the tumour, how many nodes were affected, whether they got clear margins and whether they will have to do a full clearance of your nodes (obv involving another op), your ER, PR and HER2 statuses and then what treatment you will be having. It is really useful to have someone with you (friend or family member) just because it is so overwhelming and there’s so much info to take in (at the beginning it’s all just jargon and doesn’t mean much - but you’ll be an expert in no time at all!). Also write down any questions you may have beforehand as it’s easy to forget them if not, and then suddenly remember when you’re tossing and turning in bed and it keeps you awake worrying about something you meant to have asked about!

Whereabouts are you based? I think there are some other Young Women’s Forums coming up and they cover really useful seminars including fertility, relationships, sexuality (how you feel about your body and how the medication affects you) - but more importantly provides a setting to gather young women together to seek support from each other and leaves you feeling less isolated.

As for coping…I can advise you to relax, not google and try and do some things to take your mind off it (maybe get a friend round for a glass of wine and some cheesey films) BUT I didn’t really take that advice! I panicked, cried, worried, googled and scared myself witless! I would reccommend NOT doing that!!

Please message me if you have any questions at all.

I really hope the appointment goes OK. And you’ll feel much better once you know exactly what you’re dealing with and the plan of action.

Sending big hugs.

x

Hi Hibiscuslady,
I think of it as quite normal for the Breast Care Nurse to ask if you are bringing someone with you to the appointment, as it is such a crucial one, it really helps to have someone else listening/and writing down what is said. They don’t have to be a medical whizzkid, just writing down what it sounds like can help.
If it’s not so good, it helps to have someone there to take you off for tea/drink and a talk about it all, and if it is not so bad you need someone to say “Yes, they did say you only have to >>>>>”
It is really hard on you to be so young with this diagnosis, but you will find other young women on this site like fabulous Sandytoes who will understand where you are coming from.
And I recommend the Look Good, Feel Better sessions too
Lavender

If you can take a friend, it would be good - another pair of ears really helps. I think you’ll find the BCN might be in there as well, and talk to you afterwards about it all (over a cup of tea) (well, I hope you will find that!) As for the night before - well, if you sleep it will be a miracle! I didn’t! It is a real bummer for you to have this disease so young. THis waiting to know what, exactly, you’re dealing with is truly the worst part. For me, once I knew what i was facing, I could deal with it. Not knowing and waiting drove me to distraction! (and tears)… be gentle with yourself… Jane

Hi there
Try not to worry that your BCN asked if you would have someone with you, they know your on your own & we mostly feel very fragile at this time after surgery & waiting for results, Im sure thats what she would have been thinking off try not to read too much into it its more than her job is worth than to have a ‘tone’ as such & very unprofessional.
So im sure its just general concern for you that she asked, my BCN asked me if my OH was going to be with me when she phoned to check how I was doing & she see him he with me at each opp up until then.

I hope you have a family member of friend to take with you as it is always better to have 2 pairs of ears as we dont always take all the detail in.

Wishing you all the best do let us know how you get on

Mekala x

hi, in some ways it may be easier for you, I know that seems like a weird thing to say, you dont say anything about your parents or other family members and whether you have told them,

you see besides them, you only have yourself to think of, no husband or partner to have to consider their feelings, no children to have to go through the upset and trauma of seeing you poorly if it comes to chemo and rads,

you will get through this on your own because you wont be on your own, you will have support from your medical team, and bcnurses are marvellous,

when you get to the end of this ordeal i am sure you will be a better person for it,

i was told after my original diagnosis i wouldnt be able to have children, i went on to have twins!!!

take one step at a time, even people with partners and children have lonely times, and low times, no-one ever said its easy, but somehow from somewhere you will get the strength to deal with anything it throws at you

keep posting and all the very best to you Liz x

post deleted

Hello again

Thanks everyone for the advice and support, I have read through it all but will re read again in a minute. Can I ask more questions please?! Has anyone found themselves reading things into everything? By that I mean picking up on the smallest things like tone of voice and afterthoughts that docs/nurses make rather than what they’re actually telling you? I don’t want to sound mad but I sometimes think they’re not telling me everything!! I think people are being nice to me because there is more terrible news to come…as if the original dx isn’t enough.

When I saw my GP after the WLE (just for a sick note), she said how awful it was for me and I asked about some things I had seen on wikipedia ( I don’t look anymore) and she used the words ‘aggressive’ as cells are more active in younger women and also she said you might survive this, you might not, its 50/50. Then said don’t worry about statistics though, everyone’s different. So now I’ve had some kind of melt down since really. I think she meant well and I guess there’s no point sugar coating things. I’m so confused though as the team at the breast care centre seem really positive about everything. Any thoughts anyone? I’m going mad.

xx HL

Hi HL no your not mad & YES I sure did especally when my BCN rang me my heart was in my mouth even when she said nothing was wrong I still went into melt down & with the doctors yep, I would anelise every word & tone, I think feeling that they are holding back is natural being diag with cancer we are immediately thinking the worse case senario constantly, but once you know what is what & have your treatment plan under way you will soon feel more at ease & in control.

As for your GP saying what she said Im not sure how I would take it hopefully your oncologist will give you a much clearer picture of your prognosis, I too see my GP he came out 2 days after my surgery I was a bit down & he was quite the opposite when I was telling him how frightened I was, he put alot of things into prespective which made me feel alot better

Hugs
Mekala

wait a minute, your results are not in yet, so how could your GP know what sort of cancer you have?? she cannot possibly know that until she has been sent a report by the surgeon and he would not do that until he had spoken to you. She sounds completely out of order to me.

Remember GP stands for General Practicioner, not cancer specialist. 50/50 chance of survival?? where did that come from? I have never heard such a dire prognosis.

the doctor at the hospital has seen your mammogram, presumably done a biopsy and decided that at this stage all you need is a WLE and SNB. If the hospital thought you had an agressive cancer they would be ordering body scans and all sorts as soon as they diagnosed the cancer. They are the ones with full details of your tumor, not the GP. And the hospital staff do not sugar coat things, they tell you everything they know as soon as they know. If the team were being posative that is because they think things are posative.

Do you remember anything about what sort of cancer the hospital thought it was?? Did they mention treatment after the WLE?

As for reading things into tone of voice etc, yes that ia normal. You are here not knowing what the result is, and your brain quite naturally is searchig and searching for more information, and is running down every little blind ally it can find to try and get an answer.

I am sorry you have had another melt down, there is nothing realy anyone can say to make things better for you till you get your result–did you say when that is going to be?

Just read this again and is sounds a bit cross. I am not cross with you, just with the GP for pontificating on something she cannot know about yet.

I certainly read more into everything… It was really interesting the different perspectives that I and my husband had after seeing the oncologist the first time - I thought it was all bad - my husband had picked up on all of the positives…! I had to wean myself off googling things too. All too scary!

Unfortunately cancer is more “aggressive” in younger women as our bodies are zooming everything around alot quicker, but we can also take the more aggressive treatment. And your GP definitely wont know your prognosis without all of the details of your pathology report and results of your surgery - and even then stats are based on info from years ago. Your oncologist and breast care nurse will be the ones to talk to about this when you see them about the results of your op. When are you seeing them?

x

Your GP was being - erm how shall I put this? - insensitive? stupid? to come out with a cliche out of nowhere that specifically mentions numbers. She has NO WAY of knowing what your chances of survival are, so just IGNORE the “50/50” thing, she’s talking out of her ar, erm, bottom.

Reading things on wikipedia is all very well, as long as you know what you’re reading and whether it applies to you. A good source of info is the Publications section of this site, or Macmillan, and use wikipedia for specifics. Don’t forget it’s written often aimed at the US, and might talk about US treatment schedules which are often different from UK schedules.

She’s right on one thing - everyone’s different. Your stats, given what you’ve told us so far, will be a lot better than 50/50.

Mekalar has the right idea.

And yes, I did find myself trying to “read” everything, but in this case the people I would pay attention to are those at the breast clinic as they’ve actually seen what’s going on and are a darn sight more knowledgeable than your GP about breast cancer! Do you have a number for a breast care nurse? If so, give her a ring and get her to go over the results that they’ve had for you. What kind of cancer is it, do they have an idea on grade, hormone status, size? All of that is useful information and from that you can get a much better idea of what you’re dealing with, and even if she’s only able to discuss the results of the initial biopsies because the final results aren’t in yet, that will still give you more information than the GP has.

And give the helpline a ring on Monday morning to talk over your worries with a human voice rather than a keyboard and screen. (We are real, but sometimes it’s better to have a voice to listen to, and they really know their onions too. Unlike your GP by the sound of things!)

hi, firstly your not mad, just super stressed out, and its understandable, my breast centre always ask you to bring someone with you, i think there are many reasons for this.
when i was diagnosed, i heard the word cancer… and i did not hear anything else. good job my husband was there, he listened to everything and when we got home he relayed the messages to me…i heard one word and switched off… self protection mode i think its called. as you have had your WLE your follow up is for your results.these will tell you the size type and grade of your breast cancer, your doctor will then tell you what will be your best option for treatment, this depends on your path report. you could well be lucky and need no further treatment, but the hardest part is the waiting, when i went back for my results i was physically sick before i went in, i got in and shook from head to foot, and i couldent control it.i have never been so fearfull in all my life, but it gets more bearable once you know what your up against… and yes i do alwayd see things that are not there, i recently had my 1st mammo post cancer, and the radiographer said dont get dressed i need to look at the slides, she then said i need to do a further picture of my right breast, the bad one… nearly wet myself, i tried to stay calm and askes, did you see anything on the first one… to witch she just looked at me… and said the breast needs to be on the plate to get a good photo… im my minds eye… she had seen something and was fobbing me off…i had a whole week convinvinced i was going to get bad news, when i went for my 12 month check 1 week later, my results were clear, i hugged the doctor sobbing… took me days to stop paniking… so its a natural thing to look for signs as i did… but mine wernt true hope your results are really good and thinking of you xxx angie PS dont think much of your GP,S comments somewhat in-sencitive…

Hi HL,
I originally wrote in my last reply to you that one of the reasons it is good to have someone with you is to read the body language-and then edited it out as it seemed too woffly! Wish I’d left it in now.

Nowadays in hospital care, whether cancer or not, they tell you it how it is, no messing, no hiding bad news, they tell you the facts as they have to explain to you why they are recommending the treatment plan they work out for you, and they can’t hide the bad bits or you might not take it seriously enough.

Your GP may know the initial result of your clinic biopsy, which will have had a provisional grading, but that’s all, and not nearly enough to give you a percentage of anything. Stick with the attitude of the Breast Cancer Centre team, they deal with it every day, and if they are being positive about it all, then hang on to that!

And the explanations on this site are much clearer than Wikipedia, and all written by Breast Cancer experts in the UK, so what you read here is much more likely to relate to what you hear at the hospital.

Here’s hoping you get that follow up appointment really soon
Love from Lavender

Just to add my two pennies worth! Repeat after me “My GP is not an oncologist”

I can sympathise truely I was dx at 34 invasive grade 3 with a 7cm tumor! I had mx/recon chemo tamoxifen & zoladex, I was unmarried thought ‘there’s time for all that’ I was married 18 months after dx and about 3 and a half years after that the first was born when I was at the ripe old age of 39!!

Every journey is different and you will learn to breathe, and take it all one baby step at a time!!!

Thinking of you as you get your results. XXX Jeanette xxx

Hello,
I’m 28 and found out last Thursday that I have cancer.
I’m single and have no children either. I’m having a mascetomy 15th August and I’m told that the chemo is going to start a month after.
I’m completely shell shocked by it all as I was assured when I went for the ultra sound and needle biopsy that it was a fibroadenoma. I’m so lucky that I inisted on having the needle biopsy as the doctor was certain it was ‘nothing’!
I’m not coping very well with the news but have found myself having to support others when I tell them the news.
My thoughts are with you coz I do know what your going through xx

Oh no Stickytoffee. So sorry you’ve had to join us too.

It’s ironic that we have to put on a brave face for family and friends!!!

My story is similar. I had 3 appointments, 3 scans with consultant radiologists, was told it deffo wasn’t cancer, but after a month of antibiotics doing nothing I insisted on a biopsy and hey presto.

Keep in touch with us on the forums if you feel up to it. There’s alot of support on here and unfortunately lots of similar aged girlies.

Good luck with the op. I’m having chemo first to try and shrink the lump and will have a double mastectomy in October.

x