Im new to this site. I was diagnosed in May 2012 and since then have been in a whirlwind of surgery (lumpectomy) Axilliary Clearance, CT scan, chemo and radiation therapy.
That’s why I’m here. There are no follow up meds for me i.e Tamoxifen etc… as I am triple negative grade 3. The worry is that I have no meds to keep the awful cancer beast away like ladies with hormone receptive cancers, this gives me much stress. Whilst on treatment, it was in some ways a safety net, even eating what I like(treating myself)! but now, I feel my heads in a whirl with all the things you should/shouldn’t eat.
Is/has anybody felt this way?
Also the feeling everyday that it (cancer) could be growing again somewhere else in my body or coming back, that feeling won’t go away, just when I’m enjoying something a bit of my brain tells me, could be the last time you enjoy this part of the world/enjoy this persons company/great time with partner/children/not see grandchildren of the future etc… sometimes I feel like I’m going mad.
Can anyone relate to me at all? I think at times theres only me as everyone else I seem to talk to is coping well without fears and Im constantly thinking about my own mortality!
Apologies if this sounds so depressing but would really appreciate any response to put my mind at ease with their similar story.
Big hugs (((( )))) to everyone on this journey.
I am sure lots of users will be able to relate to your story, you may find the BCC ‘Moving forward’ information page helpful and you can access this here:
Hi Kermit
I think we all feel like that. I finished treatment in September and even though I’m on Tamoxifen I still feel like that, all of the time, it’s just horrible. My onc referred me for cbt/mindfulness which I start in a couple of weeks, just hope it helps, but ultimately I think time is the only thing that will x
Hi Kermit, I too am TN, I finished my treatment - chemo end of May 2012, surgery July and rads the end of october, sorry I have no words of wisdom to pass on to you but just wanted you to know you really are not alone in the thoughts and fears you are experiencing, I feel exactly the same and everything you have said I think too. I am hopeful that maybe as time goes on these thoughts will be in the background rather than shouting out at the front! i so don’t want these thoughts to consume me as I know i should be making the most of being here now and enjoying being with my wonderful family.
Big hugs back to you! X
Hi Kermit
I too experience these feelings of utter sadness and fear I think at some pint all the ladies on here do, sometimes are worse than others , at times I can forget just for a while that I had BC and then Wham it hits me again , I finished active treatment in september and am on Tamoxifen for 5 years now but had a high grade ( 3 ) tumour with 3/20 nodes affected its scary stuff this bc malarky and I think only time can help us get mentally stronger we have been through the mill and we all find our own coping strategies eventually, You are not alone hun and when you feel the need pop on here and have a rant/cry/rage/ tantrum whatever makes you feel just a tiny bit better
Hi Kermit
I too am triple neg but I finshed chemo rads etc in Sept 11. I felt exactly the same as you are feeling now and just wanted to reply to say it does get easier I have just had 2 year mammo and can honestly say am not in as big a stress as was last year! The first months after treatment finished I think I visited my GP more times than in the previous 5 years! Was fully expecting an invite to the Christmas party was there that often or that was how it felt but cna honestly say it does get better and the anxiousness gets less ( Easy for me to say I know). Although I do panic if I get a new twinge I am now happy not to rush off to GP convinced IT has come back!!
Best Wishes
Jill xx
Hi Kermit
I was diagnosed with grade 3 triple neg in October 14. I finished radiotherapy at beginning of may. I feel exactly the same as you. My mind is all over the place constantly worrying about secondaries.I am constantly anxious and stressed. I think this is the most difficult stage. I think this is worse if you have trip neg as there’s no follow on treatment such as tamoxifen. Be good if anyone bit further down the line could suggest any ways of coping. Big hugs
I am also triple negative with just 1/5 nodes positive but agree that there is an abandoned feel once active treatment is over. I agree that it’s the constant worry every time you have a pain or feel unwell. So far I have convinced myself that I have brain mets ( eyes needed tested ) bone mets ( general aches and pains) and now think I have ascites as I am feeling bloated - probably indigestion!
