Hi Happy shopper
Thanks for your message…
I am sorry to hear you have also had a rough time of things in the past, but i truly know what you mean about the alien rocks attached to the chest!
I am at war with my body right now and it is not a battle which i am winning to be honest. So i know i need some help in accepting the new look. This is hard as it has to come from within me and is taking so long.
You are so right Happy shopper, there does need to be more support for women who are facing a mx. For me it was very daunting and terribly distressing. The recon is distrss on another level and i am torn between being grateful for life and hating the new me!
Went to see ps today. He seems pleased with what has been achieved so far…
Next step is tatooing of the nipple area…
He has reminded me that the final outcome has been jeopardised by the previous surgeons inability to make the correct mastectomy incisions and by taking too much skin away! I cannot believe i was in the hands of such an incompetent surgeon!
Naz, Is it just the tattooing left to do, or are you having the nipple made? If it is having the nipple made, given what you’re feeling about your new breast, I’d be concerned that you might hate the nipple too. You can have it done at any time, so there’s no rush. Also, don’t forget that you can get a second opinion about the ‘new’ breast if you think it can have been done better - and it would be better to do this before you go ahead with the nipple and tattooing.
I do understand how you feel (my husband wasn’t one of those who say that they love me whatever I look like - he told me that he was ‘mourning’ the loss of my breast - nice!) - but if it is important to you, you need to insist on getting the best looking breast you can.
Annie
Hi,
I often read the posts on here but don’t often reply to them. I really felt I should reply to this thread as it is a subject very real to me also. I’ll give a bit of history…
I had my original right side MX in August '09 but couldn’t have recon at the time due to where I lived (they could only offer delayed recon). In April '11 I had recon on the right side and a MX and immideate recon on the left side. I had bilateral LD flaps and small implants on both sides.
When I first saw the recon I hated it! To my friends and family I couldn’t even admit how I felt. I’d been so looking forward to having the op that I felt like I was somehow letting them down by moaning about it. One of the reasons I had the ‘good’ left side off was not only to decrease my risk of a new breast cancer, but also to help with symetry. The problem was, they weren’t even the same! My chest just lookled so odd.
I went back to the PS for check ups, and at my last one with him a year ago (I lived in Wales at the time), I broached the subject of trying to make them look more even by using lipofilling, which I had read he did. He was very dismissive and basically persuaded me to not bother. I left his surgery feeling so low. I didn’t know how I was going to accept my chest as it was. The silly thing was, I felt better in lowish cut tops when I’d had my original MX because the MX bra hid my flat side and the upper part of my chest still looked like it always had. After the bilat MX I ended up with an uneven upper chest area. Friends and family would try to tell me that it looked fine but I could tell easily that the left upper side was much more concave than the right. I really felt that I wouldn’t feel confident wearing nice sexy tops or bikini tops for that matter. I felt that the recon - for me - was a waste of time becuse the reason for having it done was to be able to wear pretty much anything I liked.
Anyway - fast forward to the end of last year…
I moved to Cornwall last year and decided that I would get another opinion from the PS down here. OMG what a difference in attutude! They could see straight away why I was unhappy and offered me lipofilling straight away. I had the proceedure a week ago, and so far, the results look SO much better. I know I may need another ‘go’ because of some of the fat my get reobsorbed by my body, but it was a fairly easy op, and I would do it again in order to get the look I’ve always wanted.
Finally, I feel that my chest can look ‘normal’ again. I know they’re not real boobs, but I have hope that they will be acceptable to me and that I will finally be able to move on with my life. I didn’t reaslise how much the original recon was holding me back.
I reaslise that everyone is different and that for some, having reconstructed breasts is still difficult to accept but I do think that if you can get the best cosmetic look you can (and the right one for you depending of what is important to you), then it makes it that much easier to accept the change in your body and your life.
After feeling like I just wanted my reconstructed boobs taken off, I can honestly say that for the first time I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I now actually feel like I want to keep them and with my PS’s help, I will hopefully get to the place I want to be
Much love
Sarah xxxx
Hi Sarah
Thanks so much for sharing your story - you sound really positive about your new recon which is great…
I do think plastic surgeons vary considerably…My original surgeon was not even a plastic surgeon and made such a mess, yet he did not think he had done anything wrong. As a consequence i am pursuing a claim of clinical negligence towards the trust. which is hanging in the balance at the moment!
For me now, the scarring is the issue. My new surgeon had to work hard to repair the damage, but in the process has left some bad scarring. That in itself is a reminder of the stress i have had to endure during the process and in turn has delayed my recovery.
In time will have scar revision surgery to make things better for me…
Annie, i have had the nipple done and just the tatoo left to do now. I hope it will look better over time.
My OH is also ‘mourning’ lost breast i think - (but has not actually said as much, i just know, because he does not go near recon at all)
I will be honest and say i find it hard. I know there are many women out there who feel whole and feminine again after recon and that is great for them. But for me the process has been long, painful and pyschologically damaging.
I hope to learn to accept soon, but not there just yet.
Naz xxx
Reading these comments has struck a chord with me.
My surgery was WLE on both sides followed by rads, which left me with Droopy and Perky, and after a 2 year battle I’ve just been evened up. So very minor surgery…
The emotions have been similar to yours, sheer anger and profound distress that I had to allow someone to mutilate mybody inorder to keep me alive, and yes other people don’t get it, it is such a personal thing…
Anyhow, keep fighting for what you need, it is your entitlement!
Also I took myself off for some counselling and that was VERY helpful - I took back control and kept making a fuss until I got what I
needed. I know my bobos will always a bit lopsided but it’s slight, and I can actually look at my naked boobs without weeping now.
And of course we have to do this fighting when we are so vulnerable and it is exhausting.
very best wishes to you all
grumpy
HI Grumpy
Thanks for sharing your experience with me (and the other ladies )
I am pleased to hear that you have now accepted your body for what it is and that all the fighting has paid off.
The feelings which i experience daily, are a mixture of anger, sadness and frustration.
I have not accpepted the new me, because i am not finished and because i have not come to terms with, as you say, being mutilated (and badly at that!) in order to save my life. I stuggle with this constantly and am also seeking some help from a counsellor.
It is a long hard road to recovery for some and for many, very exhausting.
Poor you!
So far I haven’t let them touch me with a knife. How does your back feel after taking away part of your Latissimus Dorsi? Can you actually use your arm on that side?
I wish you the best with this ongoing nightmare.
