hi sunflower3.i know how you feel i too felt the same way as you. crying all the time.spoke to my breast nurse about it,she arranged counselling for me,it helped so much and i would recommend it.My counsellor said tears were good and it is a form of grieving.this might be an idea for you.Hope this helps a little.
Anela08
Hi to everyone - I had a radical mx last August. It has taken me a long tme to adjust to the new me, but I’m getting there. Have had counselling and am currently having hypnotherapy, which I fnd very helpful. I don’t want a recon, just want to be comfortable with my body as it is.
Lov and hugs to all
Clare
Hi every one , yes I have been having some hypnotherapy /counselling and that has helped a lot, plus having a great bc nurse. Having to look at a strange body after over 40 years is very unsettling, particularily when it concerns your sexuality, the grieving and adjustment is very hard . I feel like a jig saw that has been taken apart and put back together wrongly !! I did not have a recon, as I did not like the idea of other parts of my body being removed , with scars etc . Wear a softy in a bra in bed somtimes just to feel normal , but it is so hot !! and find I throw it out halfway through the night . Has anyone got recommendations for a cool, lightweight sleep type prothesis ? regards to all on this thread , I find it a great support , best wishes Sunflower 3
hi this is my first posting having read all your comments on recovery after a mascectomey i don’t feel so alone with the frustration of not being able to come to terms with feeling mutilated and ugly i hate the scar and don’t look in the mirror my self esteem is at rock bottom.I had a lumpectomey twelve years ago and a reucuurance in feb2010 i did manage to deal with it the first time round but i am stuggling to cope with loosing my breast. I don’t feel that i can cope with any more surgery at the momentthank you for listening to my moaning friends and family just keep telling me i how lucky i am because i don’t have to have chemo just arimidex but i dont feel very lucky at the moment.
Hi Springtime
Welcome to the forums though so sorry you are having to join us.
I’m sorry you are feeling so down, having to go through a Mastectomy is not easy, but you will get plenty of support on the forums. I did choose to have an immediate recon though I too at the time was fed-up of ops but I just don’t think I could cope with having just one breast but that’s me. Whether I could have anymore ops is another matter.
You take care
x
Hi Springtime. Very glad you are getting some degree of comfort in knowing that there are others who feel the same way . Friends and family can give the impression that “whats the problem” ? you have been caught early etc " but that makes you feel whiney for feeling low etc. As each day goes by the feeling of loss gets less frequent and the low feeling a little less intense. Be kind to yourself and lick the wounds . A gentle withdrawing to feel sad is allowed for a while. Thinking of all of you, take care Sunflower3
Been feeling really low and despondent for some time now and haven’t posted but have persevered with intensive massage and physio to ease pains after mx 12 weeks ago and am beginning to feel a wee bit lighter in myself and wanted to share…
Two weeks ago I found a bra that supported my prosthesis; it is light, comfortable and doesn’t hurt my tender areas under my breast! I am so delighted! I could never imagine an under garment could provide such inner confidence and feeling of well being!
I was recommended an M&S sports bra. I t holds my good side in and helps it face forward unlike my previous mastectomy bra and it holds the prosthesis perfectly.
It is soft cotton, and is longer on the body, more like a crop top so sits below my tender area. It is just so comfortable that I can almost forget it and feel level and symmetrical again. I’ve even worn it bed!
I have never been ‘sporty’ so never knew what a sports bra was!!??!!
At last, with the improved mobility of my dead arm I am beginning to feel more normal.
Yesterday, I was able to scrub a burnt pan which I know doesn’t sound such an achievement but for me to be able to use a bit of elbow grease without being in pain was a huge step forward!
I could even attempt changing a bed sheet which previously I had to ask friends to help with…. Still not able to reach up high but with more exercises, especially swim therapy I will gain strength for full mobility in my shoulder and upper arm. Cording is still there through my breast but I’m taking painkillers less regularly now. All good signs.
Saw oncologist last week who agreed my ugly scar was horrid and had not healed properly so has recommended cosmetic surgery ‘to tidy it up….’
Still can’t look at it easily and I find it very difficult to massage scar area with Bio oil because it doesn’t feel as if it belongs to me. It feels like I have grown an extra shell over my chest all hard and bony!
However, today I started trying on my summer t-shirts (the first time ever!) to check which ones I could wear this year. The confidence I felt soon dissipated into emotional sobs as I discovered so many revealed the top extension of my scar. It was very upsetting and I don’t wear low cut tops at all but this scar has made a fold in my remaining skin that reaches up really high. So it will have to high necked summer tops for me this year!
But with the sports bra underneath maybe it won’t be too bad and progress has been reached.
This is such an emotional journey isn’t it? But I did want to share my good news with you and let you know that at last I am level and symmetrical on the outside anyway…
Really want this confidence to grow as I don’t think reconstruction is for me.
I think I need a real space away from hospitals and the ‘tidying up’ is not urgent at all I was just so pleased that someone recognized how awful it looked and was not fobbing me off with ‘give it time, give it time, it will smoothen out….’
Sorry to go on so……
Hope all you lovely ladies are adapting to your new bodies and beginning to find some solutions to the lack of symmetry. Thinking of you all, from Welsh girl xx
I’ve been following this thread with great interest as so many of the sentiments expressed accord with my own experience. 3 months down the line and I am still grieving about the loss of my breast. Will that feeling ever go? I had an immediate recon and it has not been a success. I was interested to read about the problems experienced by the use of prosthesis. I was thinking of having the implant removed but the thought of more surgery and then having to deal with the problems described here has made me think again. Is it so bad to feel I have a hard rock strapped to my chest? I can lie on my tummy for small periods now, which I do in bed, but the discomfort soon kicks in. This is annoying as I always used to sleep on my tummy. However, I don’t have to worry about clothes or underwear at all, as when dressed I look symmetrical and normal. A few people have seen my recon and they think it looks great … let them try and wear it!!! I know they are only trying to reassure me and make feel good about myself but I often feel I’m making a fuss about nothing when they twitter on about how pleasantly surprised they are at the sight of it.
Welsh girl – what an achievement to have a medic actually agree with you and promise to do something about your scar. I live in vain hope that my surgeon will agree with me that having a hard rock on your chest is a disability, not a desirable attribute, as he fondly surveys his handiwork. He promised in March that when he saw me in June the hardness would soften. Time is running out!!
Seriously though, I do have to make my mind up by June as he will be talking about nipple recon. Do I go for looking good in clothes but unattractive in the nud, or comfort all day long by having it removed? I also need to remember that once it’s removed, if I hate having nothing there, I doubt they’d put another recon back in. Decisions, decisions decisions. How I long for the uncomplicated life I was leading this time last year!
Annysxx
sorry you are having probs with reconn, I was warned that I would feel like I had a baby elephant strapped to my chest…and for a while I did. but now it fells fine , no heaviness, and it feels like a boob…do hope yours settles down, I have been told in clinic by everyone, PS, Bcn and radiographers that it takes at least 12 months for the reconn to settle in.
take care
Thank you for that info Trufffle shuffle. No one seems able to help me about the hardness but if someone - like my doctor!- said that it would take 12 months or so then I would be willing to accept the lvel of discomfort. At last someone who has been through the same experience as myself. You don’t know how glad I was to read your post!!! I’m due to see my consultant in June. I hope he confirms this!!!
Annys xxx
Oh Annys
How awful for you, my breast is just numb but I suppose I’m lucky in that its soft like my good breast.
I personally would go for comfort though I hope your breast does go soft as time goes on.
xx
half of my breast is soft, just like it should be and the other half is hard with an orange peel look, does anybody know what this is? I had to have my implant out although i still have the ld flap in place and really wondering if its worth getting put back in after reading these posts. surgeon says he can put it back in in sept but im going away to get married on nov 1st - think im better with the devil i know…even if i do look like a big orange!!!
deed xx
Dear Annys,
So sorry to hear you are still uncomfortable with your new body shape. You must feel so disappointed.
I think it is the worrying alone that is so dreadful. Also not feeling heard!
My BCN kept telling me to ‘give it time……give it time….’ whenever I spoke to her about how ugly my scar was healing and how hideous my new chest area looked! It is so swollen/lumpy that it looks as if I have a cleavage!!! (It is a bit too far to the right though!) However, Oncologist agreed and at last I felt heard.
Consequently, I am calmer this week knowing that someone ‘saw’ what I saw.
I do hope that you Annys get someone to see your reconstruction/implant through your eyes and agree it feels too hard.
Can you not speak to another professional as I know your current surgeon is far too complacent about his handiwork???
Let me know how it goes.
Dear Deed,
Really sorry to hear how your new breast is feeling too and with your wedding approaching… That must be such a massive concern for you, which of course is an understatement!
Do hope both of you find someone to hear you and help reassure you about progress.
Saying hello to everyone on this site and hoping you are becoming more comfortable with your new body shape. It’s not easy is it? I’m still feeling ok with my cotton Sports bra but took the massive step of ordering some proper bras from a catalogue. My heart sank when the Amoena lady said that all the different styles came up so differently in size that you cannot assume your regular size would fit!!!
Gone are the days of choosing an M&S bra in 20 minutes whilst food shopping…
Best wishes, Welsh girl x
I have spent 2 days crying and crying! Im 6 weeks post op and cant seem to get my head round my new body. I dont feel feminine, sexy or attractive. “freak” would be the word that comes to mind.
My OH keeps saying how pretty i am but it doesnt mean a thing and to top it off, hes not sure what to do when i sit and cry for hours on end…prob feels helpless but tends to ignore me and lets me get on with it. Will I ever feel like a woman again? will there be a morning when i wake up and dont ache or think of my boobs straight away? Im usually soo strong but has hit me like a ton of bricks this week…anybody else been there?
Hi Deed
Sorry to read that you are feeling so low, please do call the helpline for some further support, it may help to talk your feelings over with someone in confidence. The helpline is open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2 on 0808 800 6000.
Take care
Lucy
Hi Deed, Annys and all
Deed - been there.
Been reading your posts and really identify with you - I am much further down the line than you - mx and immediate recon in Autumn 08. the implant was hard from the getgo but I was repeatedly told it would “settle”. to cut a long story short I was made to feel ungrateful, even referred to a psychologist for body image issues and like Welsh Girldid not feel heard. I actually got to the point where I did question whether I was being unreasonable and was just maladjusted - I even had the experience of being told off in a posting by another woman on this site who was worried about my negative views influencing vilnerable women. To cut a long story short this all contributed to an emotional nightmare and my recon didn’t settle at all, if anything it got harder and more misshapen. In February I had revision of the flap and although it was more surgery it is so much more comfortable, does not jump, is a better (but not great) shape. I still feel like a freak because, here’s the rub, I think it all went on too long. My advice is to listen to your heart and demand answers from the surgeon because the longer it goes on the more people will try to convince you it’s just a matter of perception and the harder it is to be taken seriously. In my case the revision is so much visibly better than i provided pics for another BC support website to give other women the chance to compare - the comments actually supported my own view that it was ugly.
Best luck to you all - you need a result you can live with and people who give you platitudes and don’t listen should carry an emotional health warning for the harm they do to our self belief. It is does not automatically get better with time - it gets better with resolution which could be because you give up because you run out of emotional energy to feel pain or because you take control and insist on getting something done about it.
wishing you all the best
Love
Jane x
Deed
Meant to say in my case it was capsular contraction and it got worse as the contraction progressed. The missing nipple area had been reasonably central but was skewed to the outside by the implant distortion by Feb 2010 when I was referred to a plastic surgeon, the skin is stretched tight over the middle but baggy on the side. When I finally get nipple reconstruction, just been put on to the waiting list for that, it will be quite a distance from the pinky ring. The new implant is fairly hard but the contraction is nothing like the old one - it’s been suggested that it was the chemo which made the problem so bad.
Take care Deed
love
Jane x