I have just taken early retirement from a lifetime in teaching. I retired last August and in September my mother-in-law [80] told me she had a cyst type thing under her bust. On going to her GP she was referred to the dermatologist and it was removed as a benign tumour. As it was taking longer than usual to heal she went back to GP who said the hospital should take another look. Only once there they spotted her inverted nipple, quite obvious to anyone that saw it, and that lead to an eventual diagnosis of inflammatory breast cancer in early February. Since then I have spent all my newly found ‘spare’ time in one waiting room or another. Not the way I had intended to spend my retirement. No idea what she would have done had I not retired early - maybe that was why!
My problem is with my father-in-law and my husband. They will not talk about it. I am taking on all the responsibilities of taking mum to her appointments, listening to all the information, making up timetables for her tablets, shopping, ironing etc and the hardest thing is staying positive. When I do get home I would like to talk about it but my husband and his dad just won’t. I think they are trying to blot it out. I can tell already it is affecting me as I am becoming increasingly short with my husband.
None of them want to let anyone else in to help or talk and it is beginning to drain me completely. I don’t want to whine because I would do anything to support them. But am running out of ideas on how to stay positive and cheerful.
Any suggestions welcome.
Hi there,
While you are waiting for replies from your fellow forum users, could I suggest you give the helpline here a ring and have a chat with them, they’re here to support you. Calls are free, 0808 800 6000 lines are open now until 5pm (M-F 9-5 & Sat 9-2)
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Sorry to hear. I am about to take early retirement from Nhs and although I really miss them and feel gulity admitting this, I am glad my parents and in-laws are all dead and I won’t have the responsibility of caring for them.
Does your mother in law know how they feel? Could she ask her husband to come to an appointment with you both? Is there some other event you have to attend/something you have to do which could be a reason to ask your husband to take his mother to an appointment. Does you mother have friends that could help?
J xxx
I have found that if you take on all the responsibilty than others don’t have to take any. Your husband and father-in-law probably don’t want deal with the situation and are happy to let you do all the running around while they sit on their hands. Learn to say no. It’s tough but will be better for you in the long run.
I would start by ensuring that I am not available to take MIL to appts. all the time. Tell your husband you can’t do it and let him make the arrangements.
Good luck with getting them on board. They are probably going to be very resistant to any change in the present situation.