The roller coaster ride of worry and anxiety has hit again. Since finishing treatment late last year I’ve had to have a number of further investigations on lumps and bumps and had to have another biopsy again yesterday. I’m not worried about the results as I have a fabulous surgeon who I trust completely and he has said not to worry he is confident it is a fat necrosis and I totally believe him and so feel relieved. So I can’t understand why I feel so tearful and emotional. I feel like I’ve been split in 2; with my rational side telling me I’m OK but my emotional side is in pieces and simply can’t catch up! I feel like I’m going mad? Does anyone else feel like this?
anenglishrose
How awful for you!I suppose your sub-conscious mind doesn’t believe the surgeon, although your conscious mind does. We just can’t control that happening and until you get the ok for sure, you can’t help but worry. Good luck with the results and I hope you get them soon, to put you out of your misery.
Ann x
Hi, Very much so, since diag I have felt like a big grabber has plonked me on another train track ,so I now have person one without BC on one track , and one on another track hurtlig forward , feelin like I am on the wrong train. However now and again the two do come together and I feel normal, even excited for a while.
hope that makes sence
Take carexx
Hello
I think some of it is being plonked back into a situation where you feel vulnerable when you’ve worked to move on from that, and feeling that you don’t have control of what is happening to you.
I was diagnosed originally 12 years ago aged 38, and it took quite a while to get to a position where I didn’t feel as though I’d been pushed to the edge of a precipice every time I had to get something checked out.
I know it sounds like I’m a poor example in terms of reassurance having had a recurrence this year, but there are lots of us for whom it never comes back, and I would reassure you that there is a point where it loses its power to make you feel like that.
I found both of my cancers myself, but was relaxed about it without being complacent, for many years.
I hope it works out really well for you all, and that it’s buggered off and never comes back
love, monica
Thank you Monica, much neeed , wise words
take carexxx
TF - just wishing you luck and strength. The girls are right and hope you are feeling better soon.
Love
Jane x
Thank you for your comments, I still feeling a bit wobberly. I have an appointment on the 11th Dec for the results, so maybe things will settle down after that.
Monica I think you have summarised the situation really well. You are right about the feeling of being out of control and also that this disease does exert power over you. Your reassurance that over time the feeling lessen is absolutely invaluable. I suppose it is inevitable that you have to go through different phases…perhaps it’s similar to grieving in that respect? I suppose compared with some I’m quite early in the process and it has not been helped by having to work through a number of other ‘scares’. I personally can’t wait for the time when it doesn’t dominate my thoughts.
It’s strange I went out to dinner recently with some old work colleagues, only 2 of the 8 knew of my ‘cancer journey’. I did for the evening feel perfectly normal again, but at the same time was irritated at how they moaned and groaned basically about trivia and I felt I perhaps had a deeper insight into the fragility and preciousness of life…is that good? Who knows! Everything changes the moment you are told ‘you’ve got cancer’!