I did not comment on that one as I was scared I would get called a bully again. I thought they had done something on it last year so couldn’t understand why again this year.
I thought of asking the guy from the bbc to ask stores like asda what happens to all the 10% they donate to breast cancer in Oct and all the gimmicky crass gifts sold in the name of bc. I know he will help if he can we just need to workout what would benefit the most, how to make change. I am a bit thick and not as articulate as others but I can stand up and speak well. The waste is what gets my back up.
Love Debsxxx
Love your myth-busting post, Belinda.
Jx
I just found another example of the way in which I think the major breast cancer charities get it all wrong. Breakthrough breast cancer is currently asking people to nominate a ‘woman of courage’…someone who has battled with courage and determination against their breast cancer.
Goodness knows how much time and money is being put into this little ‘feel good’ activity…but to me such gestures simply reinforce stereotypes of people with (breast) cancer, thereby concealing the issues which really need attention.
Living with and dying of breast cancer is not some individual struggle against the dark beast where the good die young, and grumpy and selfish people don’t get breast cancer. At a personal level yes of course we each takes help and support form others we know with cancer, but decent prevention, treatments and cure for breast cancer are not going to be found by awarding certain kinds of smiling pateints with what I call: ‘Pink Bravery Points.’
Jane
Grrr…
If anybody nominates me for this award they are in for a good talking to. I find it personally very offensive that the people at Breakthrough belive that one person can be braver than another. It implies there are cowards out there quaking in a corner - and that even if there are then somehow there is a better way to deal with this crap illness. What utter b*llshit this award is. I am sure the idiots in the PR department at Breakthrough have done it so that they can get a “winner” whose story would then be featured in all the sugary breast cancer stories and Breakthrough will have a publicity wagon. They haven’t thought about how this hijacking of a very painful and traumatic disease for PR purposes angers and demeans the many thousands of women who are living and dying with breast cancer. Maybe our first task should be to lobby Breakthrough to get them to withdraw the award in favour of something more useful.
Deirdre
all very interesting, am going to put some serious thought into this , have just esacped from three days in hospital, so am not feeling very pink, very fluffy…
cathyx
Hope you are now ok Kathy.
Jane…yes…nail on head…with the good people v the bad (ordinary)
I’m so tempted to nominate all of us for the comp prize…accomodation for 2 for 3 nights at Champneys…bags I have a bed…could you all bring sleeping bags? What trivial PR rubbish…I’m surprised at Breakthrough, I thought they were less likely to indulge in such stuff.
x
I’m surprised at Breakthrough too. When I ventured to contact them, I got the ‘Please try using the search box at the top right of our website before you contact us because you’ll probably find the answer you’re looking for. You will get instant answers and save us money that we can spend helping to achieve a future free from breast cancer.’ I think perhaps they need a new piggy bank and some money-saving tips.
i wouldn’t bother with champneys, me and daisypink went last year and were treated like lepers being the ‘cancer ladies’. we couldn’t have any treatments so just sat in the bedroom eating chcolate biscuits that we had sneaked in…heaven!!
I’ve complained to Breakthrough now.
Alison…I hadn’t thought of that…what an even more ill thought out idea.
Reading again I see the readers of Prima have to decide the bravest of 5 nominees.
I often think of daisypink when here because of the flower pic I chose for the forums.
Good for you Jenny. 
Been out doing some gormless and its so good to log on and see that I’m not alone in my thoughts about ‘women of courage’ I shall certainly write to Breakthrough, and the more of us who do the better I reckon. There are modest little things to be done which together strengthen our voices.
We won’t all agree with each other but by sharing information and ideas we can begin to have a collective voice.
We have allies too among some women with primaries too. There’s an interesting thread been running for a while in Living with bc…called: I don’t feel lucky I found it’…its not just those of us with adavnced cancer who are sick of pink washing…the frustration cuts across categories.
Jane
I agree that the "bravery award " is ridiculous, you really would think that a charity like Breakthrough would know better. Given that we all struggle through this in our own individual ways what is the yardstick supposed to be?
Cathy, sorry to hear you have been in hospital hope you are ok now.
alison, I was at Champneys yesterday, I don’t mention the C word and have all my treatments. I did take a letter from my oncologist as I did wonder if something might be said when I had the facial and my pencilled on eyebrows came off! It was a relaxing day and a very nice lunch!
The next thing will be a competition to see who can grow their hair back the fastest.
When will they get it we have no choice we have cancer, we want to live, so we have to put up with all the other sh.t that comes with it. The other week in Manchester my friend was saying that she never thought for one minute I would have been as patient as I am with all the treatments and the feeling rubbish that we have to put up with. I said I gave up my winter so I could have another summer. A bit like a hedgehog I hibernate and then crawl about a bit.
Love Debsxxx
I particularly remember a comment dippykate made to me about all the pinkness and fluffyness of bc. She said please don’t remember me as ‘lovely’ as I am not that at all.
Rachael xxx
Dear JaneRA, I agree with you on this bravery award idea, I’ll send in a complaint too. Reminds me when I was working for a teachers supply agency and they used to run the teacher of the month award, which was equally horrible!! Trying to compete against fellow teachers to be the best!!!
Who the hell comes up with these ideas?? Very very insulting to everyone with breast cancer!!!
Best wishes Leadie
Dear All just sent an e-mail of complaint to breakthrough.
Have been thinking about the pink and fluffy images, for me the stereotype of the colour pink conjures up giggly, empty headed, pleasing females and the fluffy bit emphasises passivity. Just a thought!!!
Best wishes
Leadie
This is a very interesting thread - got all sorts of thoughts and feelings going round my head at the moment. Difficult to make sense of them all! I think I’m my own worst spin doctor though sometimes. I found myself this week telling someone who asked why I had a disabled badge which I let slip, that I had advanced cancer but am fine and really well and just glossed over it as I just can’t bear the pitying looks and possible silences or insensitive comments. Perhaps I do us all a disservice for being so blooming positive most of the time - I think in a way I do it to try and fool myself into thinking I’m ok with trying to live my whole life right now that it’s ok that I’m not yet 40,childless,partnerless and am likely to die before my mother who is so negative about her life and complains the whole time and even said to me 4 months after my terminal (there I’ve said the word I avoid saying!)diagnosis and a month after my ex upped and left that “well at least you have your health and your youth!!!” I just stared back at her and laughed as I really don’t think she had thought what she was saying!! I’m not very “good” at doing angry but can feel it stirring. I’m scared of angry as it might make me think my ex was right for getting out of my hopeless situation! I always think there’s someone worse off but it doesn’t seem right that they don’t honestly seem to be any closer to getting a cure for this disease but the world at large seems to believe that there is a cure with people living longer. But that may because people with secondaries are in the shadows,kept out of sight - the elephant in the room. I remember going to a BCC younger women’s forum back in 2003 after my first primary diagnosis. The whole event started with a speech by the widower of one of the founders of the Lavender trust Beth Wagstaff.It was moving and felt fitting to me but I remember some comments from the other women saying they thought it inappropriate and morbid as both Ruth Picardie and Beth Wagstaff had died. I remember being appalled at the time and thinking that just not mentioning people because they were dead wouldn’t suddenly make me think you can’t die from breast cancer.
I would really hate to think people would avoid me or not want to talk to me if I was really honest about how it really is - perhaps that’s what turns me into the “cock-eyed optimist”
I’m actually lucky enough to be feeling well at the moment and really enjoying things but have my next scan to face in a fortnight and know that the world can turn upside down again in a flash and dread having to face the decision of more chemo or not and not knowing when that will be - not if but when!
After years of keeping up a brave face for my ex and being made to feel that the cancer was somehow my fault and every move I made was overdoing it and bringing on the disease I can be honest and true to myself but can I?? I just somehow need to enjoy every moment while I can but am I just kidding myself??
I’d never really thought about the connotations of “Tickled Pink” etc. but you’re right - it is all pink and fluffy!! I know that the M&S Breakthrough range are black and white this year as I went to a lingerie evening there with a support group a fortnight ago but I was rather appalled that one of the swimsuits in the range had an extemely plunging neckline - completely unsuitable for people with mastectomy scars!
Sorry to be rambling - I’ve been think about this thread for days. I thought your post was excellent Belinda.
The breakthrough bravery award is in very bad taste. We’re all brave or none of us are brave. To compare bravery in dealing with a terminal disease is awful!
I suppose I should really try and be more honest but is hard - I don’t want to shock people or end up making myself feel more awkward at people’s reactions by saying I’m going out and doing all these things because I can only see as far as my next scan! Have booked something for beginning of June - feeling brave but when people talk about September or beyond I just can’t think ahead that far.
Like most people I dread dying on my own and am in the current position that I may have to ask someone to be there and know who I don’t want but am scared to voice my fears.When I have tried to be honest my mum just compares me to friends of hers with debilitating illnesses, all of them over more than 30 years older than me! Don’t I have a right to feel sorry for myself and others like me! What has been done - where is the research information?
Anne
It’s been good to read this thread …and I agree ith the sentiments expressed here - will complain about it too…When i was in the chemo suite friday a woman was screaming and wailing when nurses trying to find her vein - she was terrified. I have seen women cry there before - in fact i have - the nurses are really nice but they refer us all to be cheerful and when i got upset they ignored me - as they did this lady on friday - so there is an implicit rule there that we are brave and, preferably cheerful. i remember crying once cos something went wrong with the treatment and i just couldn’t stop crying which was embarrassing cos we all pretended that i wasn’t crying - i tried to talk to this woman on friday but she was hiding her face and sobbing - maybe thats what she wanted but i think it would be easier to express fear and sadness if it was met with some empathy - the nurses are probably terrified we might all burst into tears and it would get out of hand but someone just acknowledging i was sad would have really helped…i think i might win a scardy cat award…
Anne - you have summed up how I feel about this bl**dy disease. It is really difficult at times to put on a ‘brave’ face, having said that I’m like you and don’t want to think about the terminal bit all or any of the time. I remember just before my last scan results in April that, whatever the outcome, my next 6 months of living was going to be decided in the next few minutes, either no change to treatment or big changes to treatment. I think we all must live in these 6 month or 3 month chunks. I smiled when I got my medical exemption card that expires in 2014 - I just hope my expiry date is longer - I can only plan for the next 6 months, so what I do when it expires (as asked by the chemist) I don’t really know or care. I just hope I’m here to find out.
Nicky x
Hi…has anyone else seen Spike’s message about a TV documentary in the Current Issues forum…? Wonder if this might be worth us approaching? The focus seems to be on families so not sure but might it be worth contacting the film maker?
x