Hi Deb_M,
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I have stage 4 MBC and was diagnosed recently, shortly after my 40th birthday. My diagnosis caused severe anxiety and insomnia. It was a struggle to accept the diagnosis or be strong or positive every day, especially while dealing with chemo and other cancer treatments. My experience was feeling positive for a few hours then anxious or crying after a few hours. I felt jealous of people who don’t have cancer, angry that I have cancer and a late stage cancer on top.
It took me a while to stop pressuring myself to feel how thrivers with MBC for years told me they feel. From speaking to thrivers or reading their stories, many had mentally accepted their diagnosis and felt able to treat their cancer like a chronic illness. Thrivers who are years on from diagnosis may be further on in their mental and physical cancer journey and every person differs.
My anxiety was so bad that it continued even when my test results improved, I would still obsess about things getting worse. I note you stated you found the mental aspect almost more difficult than the MBC itself. I can understand that having experienced it. My daily emotions would vary.
I found it helpfult to cry if I needed to, talk to supportive friends and family, try to be gentle with myself and not pressue mysef to feel a certain way. Counselling via Macmillan was incredibly helpful, along with support from my friends/family, oncology and palliative care teams. I am also on anti anxiety and anti insomnia medications, using aromatherapy oils & creams with relaxation techniques and awaiting massage and mindfulness sessions ( access to the complementary therapy modalities was via palliative care team).
I know some people find the thought of palliative care team scary but my experience is that they care for people with non cancer diagnoses and manage symptoms in those with cancer. Their help has been invaluable to me for dealing my mental health and physical side effects of chemo and I am still on active cancer treatment.
I have been off work for several months. In terms of phasing back into work, I am yet to do this, but others on this thread have detailed their advice. I hope you find any of the things I mentioned useful and you can get help and support for the mental health aspects and phasing back to work. I am rooting for you.
Hi Deb
I must add the hormone suppression treatments I am on also contribute to low mood ( known side effect) so there are still some unpredictable moments of suddenly feeling low without any new event.
Overall, I am feeling better emotionally but it has taken months and all the assistance I mentioned in my post. So please be patient with yourself and explore all the support that you think might help. I was always a bit sceptical about aromatherapy for example but using it has been relaxing.
I’m going to start seeing a councillor in November. I really want to eventually go back to work and I need to figure out how to process everything.
I do take anti depressants as well.
It almost feels like I have PTSD from when I was diagnosed.
I diffuse oils that help me relax.
How long into your diagnosis are you?
I was diagnosed almost 3 months ago. I was initially told I had stage 3 but unfortunately within weeks I was told it was stage 4, after a bone scan. That made things even more traumatic for me and difficult to accept stage 4.
I know financial factors may affect work return- cost of living crisis, sick pay limits, cost of travel for hospital & GP visits, extra items you need due to the cancer. As well as missing work routine and being able to focus on work instead of cancer.
With that being said, I was diagnosed recently and I try not to focus too much on returning to work, even though it crosses my mind. The reason being how I have felt during/ after chemo and during the other cancer treatments is unpredictable and varies. You may want to see how certain cancer treatments affect you first and if you get into any kind of rhythm (depending on your treatment schedule and any side effects), then decide re return to work. Ultimately deciding when to return to work is your decision.
Thanks for the update and I hope the counselling helps you.
Cancer stinks- whether it’s you, family member, friend or just an acquaintance, it stinks!
We can’t always choose what cards we are dealt with in life, but we can choose how we react and handle those cards!
I know you’re upset- but THANK GOD you’re here! I’m stage 4 metastatic breast cancer and I have accepted it as a gift! I go for treatments every 3 weeks (maybe forever?) this puts me in front of a group of people who need to hear my story!
Yes it sucks- but I’m thankful we have options that work! Many people before us weren’t so lucky. So many times it spreads so quickly then don’t get chance to do anything. We live in a world of uncertainty, use your diagnosis to help others. Use your grief and experience to help the next generation. Unfortunately there are always more people being diagnosed- we were all there once and know the voice of experience can be a soothing source of understanding and compassion. I urge you to help others- you will find your purpose and happiness.
Hang in there- there’s a lot of people (and kids) that have it a lot worse than us! I’m praying for you!
Sorry for the late reply Deb…. Been having extra to deal with so missed this.
Going back was easy and the best decision for me. I takes my mind off everything, but my job isn’t always constant stress, if it did it would be a whole different story. Can only deal with a balance of stress.
Having said that, I’m actually off work sick at the moment now, and I’m actually finding it’s ok, I’m still dabbling in work email and a few admin stuff, so not sure if that has anything to do with it or the dark and wet mornings. After this sick leave, I’m going to reevaluate- perhaps it’s time to retire after just turning 56…… never thought I’d be saying that!
How are you? What did you decide in the end. Debs we need to do what we want that’s for sure, unfortunately money needs to be sorted before- no surprises… sorry to mention that, but reality that’s stress right there.
Hi Beebs, I decided to return to work on February 1. I can’t sit anymore and I need to keep my mind occupied.
I will do a month of alternating going in the office and working from home. Honestly thinking about going back makes me look forward to something.
So I will see how it goes, money is a big part of returning but also for my mental health.
