Hi, I finished my treatment in Nov 2014 and have now started back at work full time and dread every day!
My company have been great all through treatment and everyone at work is great but I feel like I just don’t want to be there!
I don’t know what it is but I wake up in the morning and spend 10min just convincing myself I can do it!!
I think long term I might want to change jobs as I feel I need to do something more with my life I’m just not sure what!
I have days when I just don’t want to do anything or see anyone and just be left alone, slightly difficult though with a husband and daughter! 
I am worried that I probably am depressed but my husband went straight into anti depressants as soon as I was diagnosed as he could not cope and I really don’t want the GP to prescribe me with anti depressants. I think I would feel like I’ve failed? I have coped this far without anything so I’m very much against taking any tablets! 
Just feeling so unsure at the moment and not sure what to do! Xxx
Hi, and welcome to the BCC discussion forums where I am sure you will find lots of good, honest support from the many informed users of this site.
To help you along I have put for you below the link to one of BCC’s publications which I hope you find helpful
You might also benefit from trying our service ‘Someone like me’ I will put you the link below
I hope this helps
Take care,
Jo, Moderator
Hi there - I remember going back to work as a really wierd time - I was meant to be “sorted” but had just been through the most traumatic period of my life …so did I want to go to work, why, etcetc. I needed pyschological help but opted for counselling - I was lucky enough to be able to pay for 6 sessions as there was none available on NHS. It really helped me, and I was pleased not to take more chemicals in the form of anti depressants …however I would have happily taken them to lift my mood if counselling didn;t work - its only for a short while afterall isn’t it. HOpe you can find someone to talk it through with - GP any good?
best of luck
I am in my 3rd week of a phased return to work after finishing treatment in December. I only work 3 days a week and so far have only managed 2 half days each week. Like you I just don’t want to be there and dread it and just want to get out at the end of my half day. My work collegues are being fantastic and supportive but I still don’t want to be there. Most of them keep telling me how well I look and how the weight I have lost suits me and I know they are trying to be nice and think I want to hear that all the time but sometimes it gets a bit much. My friend there is honest though and tells me when I look tired and should take a break. I feel so useless and not the same person as I was before bc and worry constantly that I am not doing my job properly. While I am there I feel like I am in a complete daze like when I had chemo brain. ( not sure how long this can last). My husband is retired and would be quite happy if I stopped working but I have another 6 years before I can get my own pension but he says that doesn’t matter as his pension is enough for us both. I have given myself until the Easter holidays to make up my mind as that is when I would have retired under the old system.
I feel that I coped well and was very positive through out my treatment and only now is it hitting me how much I have been through. I don’t think you should feel that you have failed as you have been through so much and come through the other end. You may be able to get support that will not involve anti depressants like talking therapy. It may well be worth talking to your GP and explaining how you feel and that you want to avoid taking anti depressants. Good luck and best wishes xx