Good morning
I hope you are all well and happy. I would just like a little bit of help please?
Yesterday I found out that one of my husband’s really good friends wife has got a recurrence of her breast cancer and the prognosis does not look great although they are still at the very start of the process and have a lot of options to try still.
She was diagnosed with her cancer about three years after me and I am now 10 years post my cancer. Obviously I am so sorry for their family, they have two kids exactly the same age as mine, one of whom like my son is due to go to university in September… but and I feel so terrible for saying this the news has sent me into a terrible downward spiral. I have been in a terrible panic attack since hearing the news and can’t stop thinking about how it could be me. I have been constantly checking my breasts for lumps since last night, they are so sore! And I have been reading and reading articles about recurrence rates and treatments and then even the bloody Nolan’s on the news…
I know I should be just thinking of them , they don’t want any contact at the moment, but I can’t help making this about me and I’m so scared and teary and then very very guilty.
If anyone has ever felt like this I would so love some advice to get through this. I feel so wobbly and not sure how to move on.
Thankyou all x
Hi dattydot
There is no reason at all why you should feel bad for how you have reacted. You’re human and, in my opinion, no, you should not be thinking of your friend/acquaintance beyond expressing your sympathy and understanding. You should be focusing on yourself because the emotional aspects of breast cancer are badly overlooked.
This has brought back old fears that lie dormant - you’re not daft; you know there is always a risk of recurrence, but you have managed it well till now. I’m not yet up to the 2nd anniversary of diagnosis so I’ve not been in your position but I would suggest you stop Googling recurrence and survival rates and scaring yourself silly - ring the nurses here. They will help you regain perspective and maybe point you in the direction you need, possibly online support through The Haven, Macmillan or Maggie’s until you can access face to face counselling.
Please don’t feel ashamed or selfish. You could as easily feel angry that this has unsettled your equilibrium! And don’t think about survivor guilt - in reality, her experience has nothing to do with you, except that we who have been through breast cancer share something undefinable. Prodding and poking your breasts isn’t going to help but it is compulsive so there’s no point advising you not to do it but I’m emphatic in my advice to stop doing your own research. Google cannot factor in the essential emotional element of breast cancer and the result almost always is increased fear. I’m so sorry this has happened to you but your risks remain unchanged by this poor woman’s experience.
Please ring the nurses here - they really are a wonderful resource. All the best,
Jan x