Scared and shocked - can’t stop crying

Sending you hugs :hugs:. I know it’s scary and believe I had a few good days of crying when I found out myself but just remember the ball is rolling now and you can get your treatment started. Xx

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I don’t know why I was offered a lumpectomy over mastectomy. I had a bit of a wobble when another biopsy came back as positive , I phoned the breast care nurse in a complete meltdown and said I wanted a mastectomy . I met the consultant, he is rather blunt which can be a little disconcerting. He told me he would always tell me the truth. ( I remember thinking do I really want to know :joy: ) he said he would do two lumpectomies at the same time as tumours are small, 11mm and 5 mm. he would double check the lymph nodes which look clear on the scan but we won’t know for certain until after surgery. The plan is to follow this with radiotherapy. I know that plans can change after surgery so just taking it one day at a time. It does get easier once in the system and you have a plan in place , I was told that by many of the lovely people in here and they were right. Sends you hugs x

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Oh yours are a lot smaller than mine - 1 is 21mm x 19mm and the other 24mm x13mm so maybe that’s why my surgeon opted for a mastectomy?
My surgeon is also quite blunt :joy: although is honest which is good. He did make me laugh as he couldn’t feel the lumps either and said my boobs were ‘difficult’ whatever that means :joy:

I was told that mine were big - as if I did not already know that :joy:

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Hi @jayne1210
I am further down the line than you with this journey no one ever wants to go on but I remember those early weeks so well, I have to keep returning to this ‘newly diagnosed’ thread to offer some support to those who are where I was just a couple of months ago. The support I received on here and on other forums was an absolute lifeline to me in those early weeks when, at times, I really thought I was going out of my mind.

The mad thing is, after the initial shock, I don’t think it was even the breast cancer that was the main culprit in creating my anguish, it was the waiting and the not knowing and the desperate need to have it sorted NOW!

I am over 3 months past that horrific time and, like so many on here will tell you, you will get past these awful weeks and you won’t always feel like this. Once I had my treatment plan, I felt I had regained some control. As I look back on my journey (I actually hate the word ‘journey’ now but I struggle to find another that fits!!!), I realise that the worst times were the times when I felt everything was out of MY control and the times when I allowed the fear and the ‘what ifs’ to take over me. I think most of us (if not all) go through these feelings but things really do get better…

Since diagnosis, I have had 2 surgeries, the most recent one was a left-sided mastectomy a week and a half ago and I’m already starting to feel good in my recovery. If someone had told me a year ago that this was going to happen to me, I would have told them that I would fall apart and would never find a way to cope…but I would have been wrong. We are stronger than we know and we are stronger still when we are together…The support you will find here is invaluable, both in the forums and if you choose to ring the Breast Cancer Now nurses. I have been blown away by the support I received over the phone from them (and from MacMillan). I will never regret picking up the phone and talking to them - they are so supportive and so informative and make you feel like they’ve got all the time in the world for you… Sending you the biggest hug and reminding you once again that this horrible time will pass…

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Hiya, while no two diagnoses will be the same, my journey sounds similar. I was diagnosed last year at age 46 and it was my right side. Had lumpectomy and lymph gland removal and subsequent radiotherapy. Totally understand your tears, I have certainly had my fair share but go with it. Your breast team will look after you and you are stronger than you know. Take each day as it comes. I don’t know if it will help but for me once surgery was done, I felt better, it was all the waiting and appointments beforehand that I found harder.
Take lots of care and keep talking, there is always someone on her to listen. Keep us all posted, you’ll smash this xx

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Thankyou @jenfleur, yes the waiting is torture! I think once I’ve had my CT and MRI and know my surgery date I will be able to tick the days off until the boob is gone - I’m having a mastectomy due to having two tumours in the same breast but on the opposite side to each other! I also need to wait for my HER-2 result which should come through tomorrow- fingers crossed!

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I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I had to wait for an MRI as well and it feels like forever but exactly that, once you have your surgery date, you’ll be that step closer to it being gone and you’ll feel better. Keep us posted xx

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Hi @jayne1210

I’m so sorry to hear of your experience. I too was alone when I found out about my breast cancer as I had my first routine mammogram in the first week of the first COVID lockdown, so I understand just how hard you must have found that. I was 51 at the time and it was about 6 weeks until I had my mastectomy which I think was a lockdown delay. I also had two tumour areas in my left breast and an area of DCIS so it was a definite mastectomy. I wasn’t able to have anyone with me for any of the treatments or appointments- but the staff and nurses were so wonderful that I felt very supported and cared for (and I made sure I was spoiled when I got home!)
Your job now is to go gently on yourself. Breast cancer is a roller coaster of emotions and on ‘down’ days I would tell myself that I would be rolling up the other side very soon and that helped.
It is now almost 4 years since I was diagnosed - in that time I have left behind a job that ground me down, requalified in something I love doing and have a new job which is totally different - and I love it. Breast cancer is incredibly traumatic but I have also found the life-changing experience strangely liberating. I value my time more than ever and I like to use it well. It has given me the ‘don’t care what people think’ attitude to try all sorts of things I never got round to doing in my pre-cancer life (the latest is ballet and I’m 55!)
This is a great forum to be part of as everyone is so generous with their support, so you are never alone. I wish you all the very best navigating your journey. It will feel tough, but you will get through it! xx

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Hi Ladies,
Just to update you all with where I am at with my diagnosis; I saw my surgeon on Friday who confirmed both tumours were positive for cancer. I have invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2, estrogen and progesterone positive. I had to wait for my HER-2 result which I got yesterday and it’s negative so I can go straight to surgery. I need a full mastectomy on my right side, was debating about reconstruction but have decided on an implant.
I’m having a CT scan this evening (I’m so scared about this incase they find anything else :grimacing:) and then my MRI next Tuesday before going back to see my surgeon again with the results and plan a date for surgery. He said it will be in about 6-8 weeks which seems so far away but he’s assured me it won’t change in that time.
I’ll then be having radiotherapy and possibly chemotherapy after that so I have a long road ahead.
This forum has been an absolute lifeline for me since my diagnosis 2 weeks ago :heart: so thank you for getting me through xx

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Good luck Jayne. I hope your CT scan showed nothing else. I was first diagnosed in 2003 aged 48 and a year or two afterwards I went to India on my own and travelled independently to Mumbai for a week or so. I then went by bus aged 48 all round Southern India from Cochin to Periyar to Madurai then down to Kanniyakamuri, the lands end of India, and back to Kovalam and Lighthouse Beach where I lazed on a sun lounger eating red bananas and sketched Indian landscapes and gardens. I flew out from Trivandrum back to Mumbai and thence back to England. I was around 2006 when I was 51. The Tsunami which killed a lot of people in Bali, Thailand and round about but also affected Kanniyakamuri. I hope I’ve spelt that properly. I had radiotherapy but didn’t have chemo so that might have stopped me in that dim and distant past. Anyway don’t rule anything out. Seagulls

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I got diagnosed on the 17th October and had surgery on the 19th jan but i moved my care to a different hospital, once i did that it was all within a month xx

Hi ladies, I now have a plan. So my MRI showed what we were expecting no surprises which is good. Annoyingly there are cancer cells in 1 lymph node so I’ve got to have chemotherapy. We’ve changed the plan slightly and I’m having that first, should be starting in 2-3 weeks. Not sure how many cycles yet but at least 6 so that will take me to June with the breaks in between. Then I will have surgery with reconstruction from my stomach tissue followed by 3 weeks of radiotherapy. It’s a long road but glad my treatment plan has finally been sorted. Mine has been staged as 2B.
Annoyingly my CT showed I have bowel inflammation so I’ve now been referred to gastroenterology - I have zero issues with my bowels :joy: but my surgeon said that now he knows about it he needs to check it out. He was very reassuring and said it’s just an incidental finding and that if he scanned 10 random people he could find something to investigate with all of them so trying to be reassured by that.

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Hiya, I was diagnosed on Weds and feel exactly the same as you, you are not alone. I noticed a flabby bit (imagine wearing an ill fitting bra so your boob hangs it of it) and as it wasn’t a lump, ignored it for few months. Anyway it bothered me so went to my GP who said she thought it was my gland reacting a bit different to my HRT (I’m 43) but would refer me to clinic but I had nothing to worry about. Even the Dr at clinic wasn’t worried and agreed with my GP. Mammogram and scan said otherwise. 3 biopsies were done but at end of this appt I was told it was cancer. I need to wait until 22nd Feb to find out my treatment plan but these two weeks will be hard. I don’t usually reach out and ask for help but I’m trying to change this hence being on here. Good luck, and remember, there are lots of us in this naff club so reach out, Amy x

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You know your body better than anyone else which is why if you see any change or feel any change go to the GP. I felt a breast tenderness and it seems a bit more shapely as before it had a lump chopped out when I had cancer 19 years before. I was pleased, Eventually I thought I should give it a feel, and was shocked to find two lumps in the space where the lump had been taken out. No wonder it looked better! Unfortunately as I’d had breast cancer before plus radiotherapy in that breast I couldn’t have breast conservation again. The radiotherapy can’t be repeated as you get the maximum safe dose the first time. I went round for a few months to find myself another hospital and when I had the mastectomy I had a reconstruction at the same time. That was 9 hours of surgery which I got over pretty quickly really considering. I went disco dancing in the local community centre using my walking poles to hold onto. That was about two weeks after. Pole dancing at 68 one could say…

Seagulls

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