Just wrote a longer reply and it seems to have gone AWOL.
I can so identify with all the anxieties and thoughts at the start. I think many can! We are very good at self torture!
Just wanted to say that I had CT and MRI at the beginning, but I just thought it was standard to ascertain full diagnosis at tge start and not done because they thought it had already spread. There were no real concerns about my lymph nodes at the time.
It may not seem it, but it’s good we have these tests so we know where we stand and how best to deal with things.
Be kind to yourself Modo. I use to allocate time to relax and get on with life and time to think about things. I use to plan for all the worst possible scenarios. Had a good few meltdowns - good to let it flow. Like you, I did not feel the need to share anything with anyone until it was absolutely necessary. We deal with it in the best way we can. Be kind to yourself MoDo. Hope your scans go well ? x
Just been reading your post and wanted to let you know that I feel for you and appreciate what you’re going through at the moment.
After finding a lump at the beginning of Nov last year, I received my results at the end of that month and then had a whirlwind of seemingly endless appointments for breast MRI, CT, oncologist, wig lady and charity called Headstrong providing scarves etc. I found the hardest part to be not knowing what the plan was. At my initial results appointment the breast surgeon said they didn’t know whether I would have chemo or surgery first so my Christmas planning went out of the window and everything was a bit chaotic. However, in my normal preBC life I am a vet so I tended to think of myself a bit like a patient I would be investigating at work so it made sense to my clinical mind that further imaging would be needed in order to gain all the information needed to make a plan. I think this also allowed me to be a bit more pragmatic about things by considering myself in the abstract, if that makes sense. I was able to “shelve” the situation a little until all the results were in. I did feel better once the plan was made.
So, long story short, I had chemo from Jan to May, lump removal & sentinel ln biopsy in June and just this week I had a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction after discovering I had a brca2 gene mutation 2 days after my lump removal ?. Now recovering at home whilst lugging around my constant companions of 4 surgical drains!
Probably the hardest thing to get my head round was the fact that I had cancer but wasn’t ill; at least not until they started treating me!
In the words of my mum, “there’s always someone worse off than yourself”, but not always easy to remember this when you’re struggling emotionally, physically and mentally but family life is just trying to go on as normal.
Take it one day at a time & try not to worry too much about things you cannot control. I like to read so find it helpful to distract my overactive brain with a good book to get lost in!