Scared, waiting and worrying...

Hi everyone,
I wonder if i may share my short story with you, I hope someone can help me.
I am a 36 year old married nurse with two small daughters. Last week I was playing with the girls when i noticed a small smooth oval shaped lump in my right breast just above the nipple. It is tender but not painful and my period is due in 5 days.
I went straight to see the GP and took my mum, as at the moment i am an emotional mess helping to nurse my best friend of 20 years who is 35 and dying from end stage liver cancer.
The GP was young and briefly checked my breasts and lymph, she said they seemed ‘ok’ and thats she thought the lump was probably a breast cyst but she would do a fast track referal for a needle biopsy and check.
My referal came through quickly and i am due to go in this Wednesday Sept 22nd.
I know that as a nurse I should be more pragmatic and rational but after nursing my best friend and watching her fade away and have to say a slow painful goodbye to her 2 year old I cannot help but be terrified that the same will happen to me.
I am a bowel nurse and know very little about breast cancer, what I find on the internet scares me so much. My husband is away with work for the next few days and i feel very alone and very scared.
If anyone has a moment to get in touch I would be so grateful. I wish you all love and luck xxxx

Hi

It is awful having to wait and worry. You have done the right thing and got the lump checked quickly and I am pleased you have an appointment soon. It is pointless saying try not to worry, but please remember that most lumps turn out to to be benign. I can understand that your friends situation is making you more anxious, but be kind to yourself and do what you need to to get through to your appointment. I wish you well with your results and hope the time passes quickly for you. Dx

Hi there
You have come to the right place for support and a good chance to ‘let it all out’
I think all the users on here know the feelings you are going through-but you have the added worry of your friend too.
As midge says,and I would definately agree, the waiting is usually worse than the diagnosis. Once you have the answer to the checks/biopsies., you will probably feel much more in control.
Theres no getting away from it-it is a scary place to be, especially with your medical knowledge, but please try not to use the internet. I found it to be a much more scary place and we inevitably hang onto the worst case scenarios.
Im just coming to my 1st anniversary of diagnosis/treatment and am doing really well, as are lots of folks on here. Just keep it to the forefront of your mind that you are doing the right thing by getting it checked out.
Many best wishes
Cathie xx

Hi

I’m sorry to hear about your friend, so sad. You must be feeling terrible, what an awful time for you.
I am also waiting for an appointment at my breast clinic for an ultrasound, so I know how scary it is. Try not to read too much about things, I did that and convinced myself I had something sinister. I’m glad your appointment has come quickly not too long to wait now. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

Love and hugs
Holly xx

Thankyou so much D, Cathie and Holly, I really am grateful gor your words.
I have been trying to keep busy looking after
my girls but I feel sick all the time & am having problems sleeping. Holly good luck with your ultrasound
I will think of you too and send you love. It’s so hard this waiting but I feel
very supported here so thanks guys XXXXXXXX

Hi breevo

I can only imagine how awful it is for you to see your friend like that and then for you to be worrying about yourself as well.

I haven’t got any words of wisdom, just reiterating what the other ladies are saying really.

The wait before the diagnosis was definitely the worst bit for me! I too scared myself silly reading the worst case scenarios and convincing myself that was me!

Once I found out the diagnosis I could finally take control… and remember there are all sorts of reasons for lumps and bumps and most are not cancerous.

If it does turn out there is something there, don’t think the worse! There are varying types / grades and there are lots of good treatments out there… and the ladies on this forum are great for giving out hugs / advice and hints and tips :slight_smile:

It turned out I had DCIS, diagnosed in Feb this year. I had a lumpectomy, radiotherapy and I’m on hormone therapy for 5 years. I do consider myself very lucky … and even when I think back now, after all the treatment, the worst bit was definitely waiting for the diagnosis.

let us know how you get on. I’l be thinking of you!

love and hugs
SG xxxxx

Thanks SG, this waiting is so awful I agree. I’m pleased to hear that you are doing so well after your treatments- I think all you women on here are truely amazing.
My husband is still away and I’m trying to keep busy but I can hardly eat and have got an upset tum! Seeing my dear friend so ill is so very hard, I’m so scared about Wednesday I’m not sure how I will even get in the clinic door!
Thanks again for the support- love to you all x

Hi Breevo

I know exactly how you feel I have a mammogram on 22/9/2010 as well and my appointment is at 4.15pm im starting to feel physically sick and have had an awful 9 days wait, my doc seems to think its nothing serious but wanted me to have a scan anyway, the thoughts im having are awfull dont know how i am going to get through tommorrow the only time i can forget about the test is when i am asleep how and earth can you feel anything until u know i dont know, my life seems to have stopped i feel robotic and worried sick, keep praying like me and hopefully all goes well x

Nicola- I shall be thinking of you tomorrow. Hope is very powerful, I will say a little prayer for you too. Please keep in touch xxxx

Hi

Been thinking about you today. Hope you are ok, let me know how you are.

Love Holly xx

Thankyou so much for your thoughts.
I went yesterday and had fine needle biopsy, mamogram then the consultant radiologist came to see me and said he thought the mamo looked ok but as he was quiet he would do an ultrasound on the lump. Thank goodness he did because it is not a cyst, he said he was ‘concerned’ but also thought it may be a fibroadenoma, a benign tumour but he would have to check for cancer as well. He did three punch biopsies and i will get results on Tuesday.
I was a bit of a wreck afterwards especially with my girls who are 2 and 4, i literally could hardly bear to look at them in case i lost it :frowning:
Anyway i am hoping and praying all will be well at least its in hand now.
Whatever happens i want it out asap.
Hope you are all ok, sending big cyber hugs,
Becs x

Hi

Oh dear, you must be worried sick. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday and hoping and praying with you.

Love and hugs
Holly xx

Hi,

I am new here, am 31 and waiting for mamo on Friday 1st, my doctor find 2 lumps on my left breast, feeling scared also and just wanted to say I am thinking of you, as I have got a 4 year old too.

sorry feel abit lost really.
MichelleX

Hi Michelle- thanks for your kind wishes, it’s so unfair to be going through a this uncertanity while trying to look after our kids and keep on smiling isn’t it?
The only way I can cope with this is to think at least we have found these lumps and they are getting sorted. Everytime I have dark thoughts I’m trying to be strong and think whatever happens we are tough Mums and have no intention of going anywhere.
You are not alone, message me or post anytime. Keep strong.
Becs xx

Ps thankyou Holly xxxxx

Hi,

Thanks Becs for your note, it’s nice to talk to someone who is feeling the same way.
Feel abit stronger today, and trying to put the bad thoughts away like you said and put happy thought of my daughter in their place!!

Same to you anytime you want to chat just message me.

Michelle XX

Hi everyone,
This waiting is now REALLY getting to me. Every time i am with my daughters I feel i will loose the plot and am getting panicky when my husband is not here and has work tomorrow.My results will be around 11am on Tuesday.
My positivity seems to be going and I am just so scared. Sorry to moan when i do not even have a firm diagnosis yet…i just don’t know how to manage today at all. xxxxx

The waiting is indeed a terrible process but you have to try and believe that whatever the results the medics will do their very best for you so that you have a long life with your little ones.
I know it must be so very difficult for those of you with young children but you want to be completely well to enjoy all their stages of development in the future…

My heart goes out to you all and I sincerely hope your test days/results come through positive or at least manageable for you.
No one needs this dreadful period of anxiety!

The very best of wishes to you all from Welsh girl

Hi breevo and Mhagger

I am sorry to read that you are both having such a worrying time at the moment, in addition to the valuable support you have here please feel free to call our helpline for a listening ear on 0808 800 6000, our helpliners are here to offer you confidential support weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2.

Take care
Lucy

Hi,

Thanks alot for your thoughts Welshgirlx

Becs, how are you today?, I know I was feeling positive Friday but saturday was just a nightmare, my husband had abit of a breakdown about it and my little is starting to pick up on the strange feeling in the house. Yesterday we want out for awhile to the beach as I live just outside Eastbourne, nice to get out, but it’s always on her mind.
message me if you need to am always herex