Hi everyone
I was told last wednesday that i have grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma. I went to the doctor after I found a lump in my armpit and they referred me to the breast clinic. I have had 2 mammograms, 2 ultrasounds and a biopsy. The doctor can’t find any sign of cancer in my breast but has based the diagnosis on the biopsy of the lump in my lymph nodes.
I am totally confused! Some have told me that because of my age (35) it may be that they can’t see the cancer in the breast. I have my CT scan tomorrow and am freaking out that they find the cancer everywhere. I feel like it is multiplying every second and invading my entire body - I suppose lots of people feel the same.
It is such a scary time 
Hi Mac
Youre so right-its a scary time and the unknown makes it feel so hard to manage the fears. You have come to the right place, as Ive found since I was diagnosed. Theres always someone with the right bit of advice and reasurrance. As you say, breast tissue is much more difficult to see through in a mamo, so the CT will give the docs a much more accurate picture for them to make a plan from.
Not all cancers are fast growing, though I know that once youve been diagnosed it feels almost as if you can feel it spreading.
This is a very common feeling so dont dwell on it too much. Just try to keep focussed on the fact that its been found and its being dealt with.
Unload as much as you like on here-we know exactly how you feel and we are in it together,
Much love
Cathie x
thanks Cathie 
The nurse explained that grade 3 means its aggressive and fast-growing, which just freaked me out! and the fact that they’ve found it in the lymph nodes makes me feel like its everywhere
I am divorced, on my own with my 5 year old daughter, so I am scared about what will happen to her…even how she will cope with me losing my hair as ive been told chemo is very likely with it being invasive and grade 3!
Once i get my treatment plan i think i will feel more in control of the situation! its the not knowing thats so scary eh.
I am lucky that i have a great family and fantastic friends around me to help. I am trying my hardest to be positive Lynne
Hi Maclinski
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums where I’m sure you’ll get lots of good support from the many informed users of this site.
As you have recently been diagnosed I have put for you below the link to where you can obtain a copy of BCC’s Resource Pack, this is an A5 binder full of information that should help you during your treatment, it also has an area where you can keep your own notes etc. All BCC’s publications are free, just follow the link to order a copy and one will be posted out to you. I hope you find it helpful.
Please don’t hesitate to ask anything on here or phone the helpline which again is free of charge, there’s always someone to help. Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Hi Maclinski, it is a very frightening time, and the waiting is so frustrating!! Try not to get too ahead of yourself and google lots of different things, trust me it only makes you feel more frightened. Like you my bc didn’t show up on the mammo, and I needed an MRI scan to confirm it. I was terrified that they were going to find cancer everywhere, so can totally understand what your feeling. My bc was/is grade 3 too, and one of the questions I asked my consultant was how quickly would it spread. He told me delaying the treatment by 6 months wouldn’t make much of a difference. I must admit this calmed me down alot!!
It’s scary when you hear you have aggresive cancer, but be reassured the treatment for bc is well advanced, and there are lots and lots of good outcomes.
Hope everything goes well with your scan, take care, Donna x.
Hi Maclinski
Even though it’s nearly 3 years for me, I remember so well the shock of diagnosis. I got mine when I was 38 and my children were 4 and 2. Breast cancer care had just published a fantastic book, called ‘Mummy’s Lump’ which explains everything in young-child friendly language and makes them feel like they are not the only child whose mother has bc. You will find on this site that there are a lot of us, helping to support one another in a way that others without bc can’t.
‘Mummy’s Lump’ is free from this site, I’d highly recommend it, and my only other advice would be to not get ahead of yourself, just read about the bit that you’re dealing with at the time, otherwise it can get a bit overwhelming.
Good luck with your treatment.
Kinden
x
Hello there!
I just wanted to say that when I was first diagnosed ten years ago, there was a charity called “Winston’s Wish” that published a free children’s book called “The Big C” - I think the charity is still around, and perhaps this could be another book for your little girl, to go with the Breast Cancer Care “Mummy’s Lump”.
Please keep posting on here - I know you’ve got lots of good friends and family, but we can all be here for you too!
Take care of yourself,
Luv xxxx
Hi Lynne, a diagnosis of BC is frightening for everyone, and of course you worry about your daughter as well. Remember, the reason younger women don’t have routine mammograms is because they just aren’t effective with denser, more active tissue. You’re right, waiting is terrible, because you can’t really plan or anything else.
Once you have a clear diagnosis and an idea of your treatment you do need to talk to your daughter, just to let her know in a simple way what treatment you will have. There is a book called Mummy’s Lump which you can order or download from this site; several people have said it is really good to read to children. Some people do things like let their children help to cut their hair or shave the last few patches.
You can find advice about what help is available to you here, as well, or by phoning the help line. Do you have any family who could come round and help out occasionally? Or a friend who might provide an occasional sleepover for your daughter?
You may find that having a young child to care for gives you extra strength just as much as it gives you extra concerns.
Best wishes and hugs to you and to your daughter.
Cheryl
Hi Maclinski,
You are right it is very scary, I also have been diagnosed with a Grade 3 and when I heard the words “aggressive” it scared the life out of me but ny BC nurse said to me that just cause it is aggressive it does not mean it is not treatable the treatment for BC has come on soo much.
I totally know how you feel with regards your daughter I am 34 and my daughter is 18 months and I like you keep thinking of her, try the book “Mummys lump”.
This a great site, keep posting.
Stay strong and ((((cyber hugs)))) to you
Donna x
Hi Lynne
I think the worst thing for all us single mums is the terror of what’s going to happen with our children. I didn’t cry at my diagnosis until I thought of them, so you’re certainly not alone in that feeling.
I’m sorry you’ve joined us, but welcome anyway. There are some younger women’s forums organised by BCC, and lots of threads on here for younger ladies to share their particular concerns.
Good luck, and have a hug.
CM
x
Thanks for the messages folks, it helps to know I’m not the only one feeling like this.
Donna you have reassured me loads - when i heard the word aggressive i imagined it growing by the second!
Thanks for the recommendations - i will get a copy of mummys lump.
Cheryl I’m lucky cos I have a great family close by, fab friends and I live on a street with great neighbours who have all offered to help with anything they can. My work colleagues are also brilliant. I work in a school though, so I’m scared of the kids reactions if i lose my hair with chemo.
I’m dreading having the conversation with my daughter, but thanks to the advice on here, I have ordered some literature which I hope will help! Thanks to all Lynne
so that’s the CT scan ticked off the list! The nurses were not giving anything away though! Gotta wait til next Friday for the results another biopsy on Monday though, just to keep me busy ;D Lynne
I found out last week that it was stage 3/aggressive and I understand how you feel…every twinge is worrying but they said the same to me about the 6m thing. Its so hard to get your head around this as all my friends (I’m 41) have had no personal experience. They say someone they know may have had it etc, but when you are younger with small kids, they are not so many of us. I keep bawling when I think of my 10 year old son, its the one bit of this thats the hardest to take but I thank my lucky stars that it isnt him as that would be so much worse. I usually thrive on stress but my coping mechanisms are in freefall at the moment. I just want the op done and get this thing out of me. The Breast Nurse was great, she talked about putting each stage in a box, dealing with each box and moving to the next one. Its a comfort to know support is at the hospitals, here and through my family in friends. We will get there xx
I’m so glad to hear you have family, friends and colleagues to help. That will make such a big difference.
If you hunt around, you can find postings from other teachers, and I think the TES website has had some threads from teachers with BC as well. Some people have found that kids can take it pretty well–the age group may make a difference of course.
You’ll need to take account of your white blood cells and your immunity, so be sure to talk this over with the oncologist when you get that far. I was told to take sick leave on account of my age (60+) and flu starting to go round. As you’re considerably younger and it will be a different time of the year, you may well get different advice and may be offered injections to help.
Good luck
Cheryl
hi just found your post and wanted to let you know i also had the same dx as you. I had my mastectomy 3 weeks ago and due to start chemo in two weeks i am also 35. Its hard with children but i have found that my two have coped really well although they are teenagers i still got them mummys lump and they read it together bless. You will be ok its a difficult time for everyone and one thing i have always done is be honest with my kids even the difficult questions didnt want them thinking i was hiding anything from them. pm if you wish lots of hugs xxxx
I’m so glad i was recommended this site, it makes such a difference to hear from people in the same boat as me. I still keep thinking the doctors have got my results mixed up with someone else! Roll on friday and i will get my treatment plan then i can try to kick this things arse!!