Hi all
Have been reading posts on here for a couple of days now and finally plucked up the courage to post.
I went to gp on Monday after finding a lump in right breast and she referred me to breast clinic. I have an appointment for next week but am a total mess. I am totally convinced it bc and cant stop touching the damn thing. One minute im ok the next im snapping at everyone. Just cant seem to snap out of it. Dont know how im going to get through the next few days. I just have this really bad feeling that my life is never going to be the same again. My dad has prostate cancer so Im really scared this is going to be too much for my parents to handle and havent told them anything yet.
Sorry for the rant xxx
Hi lipsygirl
So sorry that you have reason to find your way here, and I know that the waiting room is a difficult place to be.
I am not very good at words but there are lots of lovely ladies here who will be able to support you through this difficult time, so I am bumping your post to alert them.
You may also find it helpful to call the BCC helpline which will be open tomorrow morning, they are great and will be able to give you support and advice.
Good luck and I hope you hear the best news next week.
DaisyGirl xx
Oooooooooooh Lipsygirl, you are welcome to rant at any time. We’ve all been there with the terrified waiting, not knowing what to do with yourself, it weighing on your mind the whole time, fear, panic, not being able to sleep or eat. HORRIBLE! BUT soon you will know one way or the other what the lump is. 85% are benign. And if it is the worst news, then the majority are curable and once you know what you’re dealing with and the treatment everything seems much better as you regain control. People said that to me before I was diagnosed. I didn’t believe them either!! But it’s true.
As for advice…all I can say is try to keep busy. Do you have a partner or friend you can confide in and who can help keep your mind off things over the weekend?
Hope that you manage to relax a bit this weekend. Let us know how it goes next week.
xx
Hello Lipsygirl… it is true the waiting room is the worst part of all of this and it may not be as bad as you think in the end. My personal opinion is you should tell your parents, they will want to be there for you, as you have been there for them, a family bond is the strongest bond. But I can understand you wanting to protect them. I told my parents early on - my father has Parkinsons Disease, and my younger brother lives at home because he is Downs Syndrome … so you see my Mum has quite a bit on her plate already! But they would’ve been devastated to know I’d struggled through on my own. Admittedly now I’m going through treatment I only see them on my good weeks 2 & 3 … I don’t want them to see me poorly!! Good Luck and keep us all posted. x
Hi Lipsygirl
You’re in a horrible place right now, but rather than joining the club, you’ve only filled in the membership form so far. Keep in mind that MOST lumps referred to breast clinics are NOT cancerous, and they can be all sorts of things. Take a look at the Publications section of this site, from the Home page, and read the leaflets aimed at those at the early stages. Or maybe Macmillan. DON’T GOOGLE! Lots of sites out there are designed to part worried people from their money, or have information that is so outdated it’s just wrong. Stick to reputable sites if you have to google or you’ll scare yourself sick.
As for your parents, personally I wouldn’t tell them anything AT THE MOMENT, as it may well be nothing at all to worry about. If you have a friend or partner you CAN confide in, that might help you cope with your fears a bit better over the weekend.
Don’t feel as if you’re being silly being scared, it’s completely understandable, totally normal, and every one of us can remember that painful period vividly.
I hope that when you go, even if they have to do tests they can give you the answer on the day, but some clinics do make you wait for a week for your results. That wait is even worse, but even then the chances of it coming back negative are really good.
Not going to tell you not to worry, but I hope you can keep your worries in perspective. Just writing them down will help to give them boundaries, so if this forum helps, keep posting and reading, though you might want to avoid the scarier parts of the forums.
Good luck, and please come back after your appointment to tell us how you get on. We all love good news and look forward to cheering and ripping up your membership form.
oh no! you have kept this to yourself all week, and you have got a whole weekend of it going through your mind.
first of all, i rememeber that first realisation that there is something wrong, I had a dent and i kept looking at it, I think i was hoping it would spontaniously dissapear and it was all a big mistake. Some people do that some people just cannot bear to go anywhere near their breast. We are all diffierent.
Now this whole sticky business of what to tell your parents. Only you know how upset they would be if they ever found out that you had kept something to yourself. If its just a cyst that can be drained and forgotten about they might not have to found out. But whatever sort of lump it is, one of the 10% that are cancer or the 90% that are not it will probably need a small operation to take it out. So ask yourself what would their reaction be if you had to tell them that you had to have a little op and they found out that you had kept it from them. If it were my daughter I know my husband would not be upset, he is very practical and would just want her to get better.
I on the otherhand would understand that she had not wanted to worry me but would have been very upset that she had gone through the appoinment at the hospital and all the tests without confiding in me.
And of course you are a total mess. Its like being hit with a sledge hammer. The world goes on round you but you have this horrible news in your head to deal with. It takes up so much of your mental energy that you cannot function properly. Its as if the modern sensible part of your brain is in control one minute, telling you its fine, and anyway whats the point of worrying till you know what it is, and the next minute the primative bit of your brain takes over and just roars–“I’m scared of this big nasty monster”
You say you are worried that like is not going to be the same again. well lets assume that you are one of the unlucky 10% that has cancer. You could be like me. found the lump in May. Had it out in June. Returned to normal life August. Having radiation now and by my birthday in November hope that my only reminder is the daily tablet i have to take to stop it coming back. Life is certainly not the same. I have had to rearrange things I do to fit in the operation and hospital appointments. Re-asses my ratlationship with my husband(that one came out better though) Re-assess the value of a few freindships (again not a bad thing either) But its not a total disaster.
Whatever next week brings is going to be do-able. if they have to do tests you are going to have another week like this one. But as things get clearer they do get better.
I hope you have a freind who can go to the clinic with you. You can be so frightened of the results that when they tell you what is what, you just do not take it in. Having another set of ears there is very useful, as is having someone to celebrate with when they tell you that is a false alarm
Just a bit of clarification following on from OAL’s post. If it is a cyst, it may be that all you need is to have a needle inserted to drain the fluid and hey presto, the lump is gone, no further treatment necessary, no follow-ups, all over and done with, off you go and get on with your life. That’s what happened with me 8 years ago, and it was a bit of a shock that they stuck this fine needle into me, withdrew a load of fluid, and then sent me on my way. So that is also a very real possibility from your visit to the clinic.
Good luck.
CM
x
Thanks so much ladies for your replies. xx
Had a good cry with my fiance last night and felt a little better. But didnt sleep very well last night. He even cooked me dinner bless him.
I have work today so need to get a grip real quick.
Forgot to mention before the other reason I m so afraid of telling my parents is we lost my brother to cancer 6 years ago so that and my dad having cancer too, this would really crush my 80 year old mother as I am not sure she could handle it.
xx
well done for plucking up the courage to come here theres nothing worse than having noone to talk to, i wish i could fast forward for you but until then do anything to keep yourself busy, im planning alot of activities with the kids and as i tell myself most lumps are fine i know alot of family friends who have had cysts/abcesses xx