Hi everyone, there has been a similiar post in 2011, about where did i go? and that is what i want to get help with. have just finished rads, after WLE and 6 lots of chemo. I wish I could put it in words, that nervy feelings that I am back on my own. I didnt do so well with too much time indoors during chemo and want to know who feels the same. Am going to the gp tomorrow re getting back to work, which is scary but i work 3.5 days and want to start with 2. I havent felt ill, although I have just started on tamoxifen. It feels like the longer I could leave it wouldnt help me. It will be in a primary school so the children etc will be a good distraction and no time to over think.
what have others done? I know this is very much an individual experience but anyone out there about to do the same would be good to share how we feel.
Thanks
amd xxx
bump
Hi amd, I’m in a similar position to you. I had mx last August and have just finished 6 rounds of chemo, last Thursday. I’m not having rads and start Tamoxifen in 3 weeks. I work full time and live alone. Wages are due to cease at end of March so need to get back to work as soon as possible. I’m speaking to doctor on Tuesday and am planning on going back to work 18th March. I don’t have another hospital appointment until the beginning of May. I’ve been told I can contact the BCN anytime before then though. It is a scary time. Not just trying to find the new normal for me, but wondering how I will be received at work [I look totally different now to when I went sick last August]. I haven’t felt ‘ill’ throughout the treatment apart from one bout of sickness during chemo but I have been tired and had a lot of side effects that have been manageable. I’m using leave to break me in gently to work. I’m hoping the distraction of work will help to stop me worrying about every twinge, ache and pain.
At the moment I’m trying to do a little bit more than I have been doing in recent months, trying to build my strength and stamina up. Having a bit of a spring clean, so there is less to do when I go back, and going out for a walk when I can. Weather has been ok here for the last few days so if it keeps up I hope to tidy the garden up a bit too. Sorry I can’t be more help at the minute, I’m just trying to muddle through it too 
Shazza x
Hi amd66
Just to say I know exactly where your coming from, when I was having treatment I found being at home so much and on my own a lot of the time quite depressing I had too much time to think and dwell on things so longed to try and get back to some sort of normality, I finished rads in sept last year and went back to work all be it on a phased return 2 weeks later and then after 4 weeks back part time everyday , it was lovely to be part of the world again but its very tiring so be careful hun, I was shattered every day after work and it took months to start to feel more able, I am now 6 months post active treatment and just starting to get my fitness level back to nearly what it was not quite there yet , I was fortunate to have very understanding employers who let me do things in my own time they have been really good all the way through, Tamoxifen also can also bring its problems I have had dreadful flushes and been deprived of sleep with them so this hasnt helped with the tiredness but hopefully you may not get side effects not everyone does … Good luck hun with whatever you decide to do and be kind to yourself , take time to heal xx
these are great posts, thank you ladies. its just a case of seeing how it goes xx
Hi, have pm you x
Hi ladies, this is a very good article “After treatment finshes - then what?”
Hi amd,
I too am in a similar situation to you. Dx 01/03/2012, wle in April, Axillary clearance early May, 18 weeks of chemo and 4 weeks of rads. Active treatment finished at the end of Jan 2013 and I expect to be back at work from 04/04 - so a whole year away from work. Found the isolation when on chemo quite hard to handle, I kept in touch with work but was unable to go in as I work in a University and the risk of infection was v high. Have been popping into work to meet colleagues for lunch etc and having the “seeing you for the first time” encounters with many colleagues - I have found these can be quite tiring so am pleased I will have got a few of them out of the way before I go back. Over the last 4 weeks (and for the next 4 weeks) I have been trying to do something like work everyday so I can build my strength and stamina - it has been a bit frustrating at times as I too have been struggling with sleep and so not getting stronger as quickly as I expected (though perhap my expectations were too high). I will return to work on a 12 week phased return starting at 1.5 days and increasing to 4 days over the 12 weeks - I just can’t anticipate what that will feel like.
In relation to work I am finding it interesting having to deal with all sorts of hidden attitudes in colleagues and especially managers now that I am re-entering their world - part time work does not mean that my mind has turned to mush, just because I look OK does not mean I am feeling 100%, some people clearly thought that having had a cancer diagnosis I would never return to work, some people won’t look me in the eye or ask how I am - there seem to be so many pot holes along this path. I am really trying to live mindfully - just take each day as it comes and try not to be too upset or angered by the reactions of some others.
has you GP agreed to the phased return?
HJU
I work in a primary school. I’m a HLTA and cover all the teacher’s PPA and management time, so in effect, I teach classes most of the week.
I had WLE/SNB, Feb 2012, no chemo, 3 weeks of rads. My doctor wanted me to have a month AFTER rads finished before returning to work, but I settled for 3 weeks so that I could start my phased return at the start of a half term. I did Tues & Thurs for the 1st 2 weeks, Mon, Wed and Fri for the next 2 weeks, then Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri for the next 2 weeks and a full week just before we broke up for the summer to have 6 weeks to recover properly before doing full timetable from September. I went to see Occupational Health and they said this phased return timescale was what they would have recommended, if I’d not already planned it with my HT.
My HT was very supportive and made it clear that I could change this plan if I found it too tiring. Also, I was excused staff meetings and playground duties for the summer and autumn terms. I found having days off in between my working days really helped as I did get very tired at first. (I’m having sleep problems with Tamoxifen/Zoladex too!)
I strongly recommend you go into school to see everyone BEFORE you start back to work properly. My colleagues were/are all really supportive, but I still found it really emotional and tiring to be back amongst them. Everyone asks you how you are and you have to keep going over it all, which is good therapy, but very emotionally exhausting. I was glad I got that over with before having to be with the children. Whilst still signed off sick, I spent a few hours working voluntarily in school, in the library and sorting ICT issues out. I’m so glad I did that as it made returning easier.
You are right that the children are a distraction - but don’t forget how tiring they can be! 
I hope this helps. Good luck with it. Take it steady. You will get there! I feel almost back to normal most of the time now (although I’m having a bit of a blip this week due to first annual check-up with surgeon today and mammogram on Fri!)
Thanks 'shazza and the above, I saw gp today and have got a form for phased return, spoke briefly to school and will start next week hopefully for 2 days, knowing that I will have the rest of the week to rest. Its all unknown how it will make us feel.
Funny that onc said take tamoxifen before bed because it can make you drowsy and you say it interupts sleep!!
Thanks for your postings.
anne x
Hi girls.
I felt exactly the same as you when i finished my treatment and had to face going back to work (and that was as a staff nurse at the oncology hospital where I had been treated!!)
One of the things that helped me was a book called The Cancer Survivors Companion. It really helps with the emotional side of things after the physical side of things have finished. And you realise that you are not alone feeling like this.
Good luck
Mandy xx
Thanks everyone, am gutted that occupational health have stuck their oar in and want me to see them before i return, which will take 3 weeks and then into Easter holiday, the thought of being here with all that time ahead makes me feel sick, I know I wouldnt be able to do my job full time but dont want to slide into depression and more low mood with nothing to think of. Am hoping the gp’s notes will be enough for them to consider it, aaargh, I know its scary going back but it would be even harder in 5 weeks time!
sorry for rant,
fingers crossed,
xx
I saw Occ health AFTER I had returned to work. Had to do a 70+ mile round trip to Warwick to do so, on a day I should have been at school. I was furious. All they did was agree to what I’d already arranged with HT, wrote it all down and asked if I wanted a copy (er, NO!) and got me to sign it!
Don’t stay at home on your own. See if your HT will let you do some voluntary stuff in school - hearing readers or mounting work for displays or anything that’s not your usual job! That way, they are not invalidating their insurance by ‘employing’ you while you are officially signed off sick, and you get to ease yourself back to ‘normal’.
Failing that, can you plan a little project to occupy yourself? Something you’ve been meaning to do/make but never had time? Something you can look at and say “I did that”.
Rant away. It helps!
Hi. I have to agree with JCJ here about keeping yourself occupied. I have “done” something everyday - tried to do a project, visit work, go out for coffee, lunch etc. I checked that HR had no issue with me popping into work and they didn’t so in I go! I am sure a chat with your HT will help you find a way back that allows you to pace yourself back.
I had to see Occ Health a few weeks ago and like your accounts they didn’t add much value - the letter they sent was just a repetition of what I had told them, nothing extra added at all. However, they did suggest a much longer phased return than I was expecting; I am just waiting to hear whether my manager will agree to this. It took Occ Health about 2 weeks to send in the letter to work and 2 weeks later I am still waiting to hear from my manager about what will happen - so nothing moving very quickly over here. I am expecting/hoping to go back on 04/04