Would really like some advice if anyone has any thoughts.
I am 25 and was dx with BC in Aug 08 and had a year of chemo, radiotherapy and a masctectomy with immediate reconstrutive surgery.
I have since started a new job and have a very understanding manger.
I am due to have a augmentation surgery (following a suggestion from my doc), and I feel it will make me happier with my body image.
I will obviously need time off work. My problem is that I’m not sure I want to tell people at work (my dept) why I am having time off. I feel the whole BC expeience has made my body almost public property with lots of friends/family/colleagues wanting to know things that would be personal to anyone without BC.
I am also very worried about telling my parents and friends in case they think I am vain, and silly to choose to have more surgery.
If anyone has any similar experiences or suggestions, I would be really grateful.
I’m not in your position at all but would like to make a suggestion if I may. How about saying that it’s been recommended you have some further surgery to improve your breasts following all the treatment you have had. YOu could say that now you have recovered fully from the initial surgery this is the time to do it. I would be inclined tell your new manager about your previous mastectomy but be clear that this is in strictest confidence and isn’t for general knowledge. If you haven’t disclosed about the cancer and really don’t want to then you could say you had a benign lump removed and now need follow up by plastic surgeon.
I would then actually ask your manager about how to handle other colleagues and what to say. One suggestion might be to say that you had surgery when you were younger that left scarring and you’re having that sorted out without actually specifying where or why.
Friends/family who know what you’ve already been through may be worried for you so I would say something to reassure them that it’s not cancer but plastic surgery.
Is it vain? In my opinion no not at all. It’s your body and your life and you have to do what makes things the best for you possible. After all you’ve been through at your age I would be very surprised if people were judgemental about it. If they are then remember they are not in your position and might think differently if they were.
I fully support suggestions Elinda has made. Very good advice! And I support your desire to have the surgery - I’m not in the same position but think your body image is so important and you’re so young. Good luck with it all.
river x
I totally agree with Elinda. It’s very sound advice. I would just add that BC is specified under the Disability Discrimination Act so it would be best to tell your employer just in case you have any problems with time off. Your manager should be used to keeping confidences and, as Elinda says, might be able to offer advice about what to tell colleagues.
Sorry for the delay, but thank you so much for your helpful advice ladies.
Elinda especially your comment is so helpful and makes a lot of sense to me.
I’ve decided I will tell my manager, as I love my job and wouldn’t want to jepordise my position by lying (and also it may be obvious when I return!) I’ll explain it is directly linked to my treatment (which it is.)
I’ll ask her keep it confidental, and i might just tell everyone else I am having a weeks annual leave.
I have told a few close friends and family. Most people have been very supportive. I’ve have had someone close say “ohh I’d NEVER put myself through that surgery” which is very easy to say if you haven’t been through BC.
I just need to try and remember this is about ME and my road to recovery rather than worrying about anyone else’s opinions.
Thanks again for all your advice, I wish you all well.
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you may need more time off than one week but why shouldn’t you have the surgery? As far as I am concerned breast surgery is mutilating. Not everyone feels the way I do but I felt this at aged 48 let alone in my twenties. I still feel I want to look my best, and I’m now 54. Mind you, what is most important is your mind, not the look of your breast. That’s what I’ve discovered.
I really do hope that everything goes well for you. I think that Mole is right a week off may be too little though.
I do think that getting your new manager on side is a good move. I’d ensure that the emphasis is on improving your breasts following the previous surgery for cancer. I would suggest that you try not to be embarrassed or say anything about feeling vain just keep it all very matter of fact.
You’re young and with your whole life ahead of you and of course you want things to be the best they can from now.