Should have i of told them?

Hi all
Bought a new wig last week, different colour to my last one…
I have not told any of the mums in the playground that i have had bc, been through chemo or lost my hair.
One of the mums complimented my ‘hair’ today, and said how nice it looked etc…
I didn’t really comment, except my saying that i get bored with my hair !
I feel i should have told the truth, but then again, people change their hair all of the time don’t they?

What do you think?

Naz x

You do whatever feels right for you! I was the opposite - would tell shop assistants, strangers etc that I was wearing a wig - havent got a clue why except maybe subconsciously I was seeking approval that I looked ok - dunno for sure! xx

Mmmm…I was about to tell her, but for some reason i didn’t…maybe if anyone else comments, i might just tell the truth…probably before i go wigless as the damm thing may look nice, but is hot and itchy…so as soon as i have a covering of hair, the wig goes!

I told people I knew well, but didn’t bother to tell others - not their business. No such thing as should or shouldn’t, just how you feel is right, I think. If people complimented me I said “oh thanks” and that was it. I had loads of wigs, got quite obsessed with them, but liked the different looks - although once or twice couldn’t remember which look I had for which place I went to! Most were only cheap wigs though, no more than would pay for a hair cut. I also hated the feel of them and once my hair started to come back I left them off - of course, everybody knew then!
Take care, love Mo

Naz, I think you should tell people as and when it feels right to you - they will soon get used to it, whenever you tell them. As the summer comes in and your hair grows there will no doubt come a point when you just naturally feel like doing it.
Good luck to you - keep being yourself!
monica xx

Naz, I would just accept their complement at face value and feel flattered that they think your wig’s real and looks good. If you had said, “well actually its a wig”, you probably would have embarassed a well meaning person and then be forced into a lengthy explanation with a virtual stranger.

I’m laughing because of what happens when i get my hair cut, which isn’t often and is usually quite dramatic as a reult.

Step 1: Ooh, you’ve had your hair cut!! (Hallo, i know, i was there, i PAID for this…)
Step 2: (depending how polite they are) Hmm, I liked it better before
(I am blessed with some very honest friends)

so one day soon you will get to the stage of your own hair growing back, when you go out short, without the wig, they do steps 1 & 2 and then you go, “OK then…”, (putting wig back on), “…Are you sure?”

Hard to imagine But there is humour in all this if we search. Like the day i was getting ready to go out, and my foobie fell in the sink and I had to resort to a rolled-up sock.

Hi Naz
As has been said on here - do whatever is right for you. I told some people why my ‘hair’ looked so good, to others I just said thanks. The only problem was when I had to go wigless once my hair started growing back and so many people thought I’d had a mid life crisis by having such a short hair cut. However mentioning the 2 ‘C’ words (cancer and chemo) soon stopped them :wink: Having said that although I hated wearing my wig it also gave me a lot of confidence during a very vulnerable time as so many people didn’t know it was a wig.
Nicky

Everyone is different, I told everyone I spoke it was a wig. Also told everyone I knew that I had BC, just my way of dealing with it I suppose but i know other people prefer to keep it to themselves. I felt self conscious when I was weraing the wig, even though it was so similar to my own hair and people said they wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t told them; now I feel self conscious as I’ve put the wig back in its box. It’s about an inch long now so could be taken to be a very short drastic cut!

Dae x

Thanks for all of your comments.
Well, some people do know it is a wig, those who know i have had the chemo etc.
It is the mums in the playground that do not know (as i do not know them that well), and so to them, i have just had a change of hair colour.
I guess when i go wigless, i will tell them that i have had a very short hair cut…not alot else to say really.

Feeling really uncomfortable with the whole hair thing to be honest, hate wearing a wig, don’t suit a scarf and hate my head at the present…

Naz x

Hi Naz,

you are much further ahead than me, i just had my first chemo, using cold cap, and don’t know whats happening with my hair yet. I have bought a wig, tried on headscarves and have a headstart appt tomorrow to get more info.

I haven’t been in your position yet, but may well be in the coming months. I cant advise you really but did have a few thoughts when i read your post as it echoed so much with my own reactions.

I have only told a few mums in the playground and sway between wanting to announce it to the world and wanting to hide it. I keep coming back to still being able to tell people but that I can’t “untell” people if i have already told them. If you have got this far without telling them, and have been through all that treatment, absence from the playground, trauma etc, you must have had a reason for this and it must have felt right, and that your bc was a very private thing for you.

Maybe you should stick with that and not change your mind just because someone says something nice about your hair/wig? You have got to do whats best for you, don’t worry about how they may feel or that you were fibbing about it. I think a part of me might feel like i was being a fraud if someone said it to me, but that alone shouldn’t get you to change your mind perhaps. I suspect I may wait till my own hair is alright and i am feeling more confidant and then in time to come will let people know that that was the year i had bc.

Not sure if that makes sense or helps at all, and as i have not been there yet, sorry if i have been insensitive or niaive. Let us know what you decide.

xxx

hi folks, i’ve not been on here in a while, but let me tell you about my mom, she brought a wig and absolutley hated having it hot itchy uncomfortable the usual complaints so she never went out with one on occasionally she would wear a scarf but mostly went natural as she put it. One day we were at a fete and there was a box of tempoary tattoos she was rumaging through it when i asked her what she was looking for she said a rabbit, of course my responce why on earth are you lookng for a rabbit?
“so I can put it on my head and tell evryone its a hare!!”

(this my favourite story of my mom when it came to her chemo etc - always a sense of humour and enjoying the here ad now)

Naz you do what ever you want to do and what ever makes you feel comfortable.

life is too precious too worry about appearances.

There is no right or wrong on this, it’s whatever you feel comfortable with at any time. If you decide to tell them later then so be it, I’m sure no-one with a heart would take offence that they had complimented your wig.

Elinda x