this is such a small worry compared to what others are going through, but its my worry and I suppose just venting it will help.
had core biopsies last thursday of complex cyst and mishapen node. Waiting for result next thursday. Not worrying and feeling quite posative, more in shock. Find I am doing mindless activiites and not realy getting down to things, but that is totally understandable I suppose.
Anyway the rest of the family seem to be taking how much they should be worried from me and we are all ok and calm about it all.
But my husband is about to go away for two days to see our daughter and his new grandson, I never go on these trips, stay behind and practice. And I thought that this time being by myself would be the same. But as he is packing up I suddenly worry how I am going to cope, I already feel a bit tearful about the idea of coming into an empty house tonight.
But how can I ask him to stay? He knows I know how much these trips mean to him, and so he would be realy worried if I did that. Whats more if my daughter then thought about it she would freak out that I was not that strong and worry about how I was getting on. I cannot suddenly go with him, no one to look after the dogs, and anyway that would be so unusual that they would completely freak out.
If i discuss it with him before he goes there he will worry about me as he drives, he already said he was glad I did not tell him about the lump whilst he was away last time,because it would have been on his mind as he drove and might loose concentration.
I realy should go downstairs and set off to my drum rehearsal with a smile and "“see you on tuesday” But i am hiding up here trying not to cry.
Again, sorry for posting such a trivial concern and now its in print the moment is passing, no longer feel tearful. I will be able to cope with being by myself, and I will not resort to openening the wine to get through it either.
this is not trivial its a big thing emotionally at this time. I am sure you are stronger than you think and deep down you will come up with the right answer . 2 days isnt a long time but it can seem a huge time in the waiting. You will be surprised how quickly that time will fly past and he will be back home again. Hopefully someone else will be along with some good advise for you. Im afraid im not much cop when it comes to the advise bit. Thinking of you.
Haven’t really got all the right answers, cos only you can know how you feel and what’s best for you, but as hatty says, you will get through and if you feel it will do more to worry everyone else then perhaps you should just let him go…It means a lot of bravery on your part and you don’t HAVE to be brave at the moment…
However having said ‘let him go’ if it feels right, I think you DO NEED someone to go with you for results. It is a difficult time taking everything in and as well as making notes to refer to later, it is helpful to have a friend, relative or partner to hear what you’re hearing in case you don’t hear it and its just white noise!!
Hope you make the decision that feels right for you and good luck, you will get through and there are lots of us here to help!
I think this is one of these moments when you need to think about yourself, not everybody else. Would you feel better with him at home over the next couple of days - if so, then ask him to stay.
However sometimes (depending on the kind of person they are) you might not actually feel any better if they are going to hang about the place panicing and making you nervous. I know if it were my partner, I would want him there, if it were my mum, I would not; 2 different people who deal very differently with stress and worry - one would help me, one would not.
All the best whatever you decide.
Sarah
I think you should tell him exactly what you have told us and then make a decision together. I know when I was at your stage in the process I found it incredibly difficult to make any decisions at all.
Then again, what is right for one person might not work for someone else so you must do what feels right for you.
Such a difficult question - and I agree that only you know and only you understand your partner’s emotions and whether he will help or not.
Personally, I got all the results by myself; I wanted to react honestly to the news. I didn’t want anyone around me as I didn’t know how I would react. My OH is wonderful, but he takes his emotional reactions from me, so if I am strong, he feels OK. If I’m not, he feels terrible. All my friends see me as the ‘fixer’ of things - but I didn’t want to be.
So for me, I wanted to think about myself and hear the news alone. If the news was bad, I knew I could disappear, cry, do whatever I needed to until I was ready to tell him. There are plenty of support people around at this time and I found them very helpful.
This is, of course, not advice - it is just my experience which I hope might help you to focus on what is right for you.
well I firmed up and waved him off with a smile, and now I am glad i did. I just got back from rehearsal and the empty house is fine, and I feel stronger for having decided to cope and not worry him or my daughter.
another little hurdle surmounted. Hopefully that will be all till thursday.
it is good being able to put your worries on here though, it gets them into proportion and you dont feel so alone when you get so many replie so quickly
Good to know you feel better - I’m awful about the “parting” at any time but then often find I cope better afterwards than I’d ever thought I would. You will be feeling extra emotional at the moment - glad you’ve found it helpful to share - where would we be without this site…
Take care
Is it not wonderful how writing things down makes everything so much clearer? Somehow, when you get things out of your system you are able to deal with the problem.
You are facing up to a very nasty few days but I can tell from your post that you are the kind of person who will cope.
This is the time to deal with life from day to day and carry on as normal as far as you can but, don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Sometimes we need a little space, even from those we love the most even if it is only to have a little cry or feel miserable in peace.
In your place I would carry on with my practice, take the dogs for walks and let my husband go off to see his family as usual. I am however, mindful that I am not you so the decision is ultimately yours.
It is good that your husband will be home in time to go with you for the results. I hope they are not too bad but whatever they are you will cope as there is no alternative.
I know the word “brave” gets overused with this cancer rubbish, but it’s appropriate in this instance - you were very brave in waving him off with a smile, knowing that you felt horrible inside. Well done, you.
You might find that NOT having to put on a brave face for a couple of days means you can relax and get your own head around your worries. During this time you might find it useful to call the helpline if you have any wobbles and want to talk to someone without fretting that you’ll worry them, they are brilliant for that. And of course you always have the forums so you can come on here and let it all out to people who know what you’re going through.
I think most of us found “The Waiting Room” the most difficult bit, because you don’t know what you’re supposed to feel! So make use of us if you need to.
And I also don’t see a problem with a glass of wine. Cheers!